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AIBU?

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Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

580 replies

ProbablyAmy · 10/01/2024 10:51

DH and I have 3 children between us, aged 15, 14 (his) and 9 (mine).

My 9 year old DD is with us full time, except every other weekend when she stays with her dad. DPs children stay with us 50/50.

We have moved into a house that needs extensive renovations. Originally the house had 4 double rooms, but because we now need to move a wall, it will be 3 doubles and one single. DP had already promised his children the bigger rooms (except ours) and I didn’t mind so much because my DD still had a double room with enough space for her things. I did warn him though that we shouldn’t be promising bedrooms until the renovations got under way.

However, now that one of the rooms is a single, it will not comfortably fit DD. She will need a single bed (fine), but then a single wardrobe, no room for a chest of drawers or desk. She has lots of books, soft toys, Lego and loves to draw, there will be no room to do any of this comfortably in her bedroom. My argument is that one of the teenagers should have the single room as:

  • they are only here half the time.
  • they don’t have as much stuff as DD.

DP is resistant as his argument is that DD had a much smaller room at my old house (this is true, but she still had toddler furniture which was unsuitable and I would’ve had to move soon!) He’s also backed himself into a corner with his teens and feels they will be annoyed because he’s already promised them larger rooms. He even said if I was suggesting swapping rooms that I should be the one to break it to the teens!

FWIW, I would feel the same if it was the other way round and DPs children were here full time and mine only here 50/50.

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 10/01/2024 10:58

Can you not re figure so all 4 bedrooms are doubles?
Definitely not your dd who gets tiny room.
She's a full time occupant and when at secondary school will need a desk and a wardrobe and dressing table.
What about rotating the rooms so each DSC gets the smaller one every other year. Your DH is a coward unreasonable to not man up and tell his DC this is how it will be.

ProbablyAmy · 10/01/2024 10:57

@Onceuponaheartache We need to move the wall otherwise the bathroom doesn’t work for a family of 5. It’s a single shower, toilet and basin… there is no room for a bath or anything else. The only way to make it into a proper family bathroom is by taking some of the bedroom.

OP posts:
Dancerprancer19 · 10/01/2024 10:56

Why have you decided to do the renovation in this way? It seems to have made a problem where there wasn't one.

Dotjones · 10/01/2024 10:56

Do you need to move the wall, i.e. is it structurally necessary? Really you need to reconsider your plans. If you have to do it, how do you propose to make the decision fairly as to which of the older children gets the good room and which one the bad? The important thing is for you to make sure the decision is fair and that all the children agree to it.

Onceuponaheartache · 10/01/2024 10:54

Surely the sensible answer to relook at the renovation project so that you are not creating a single room?