Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

Honestly this is screaming go back to the drawing board and get a better solution for a bigger or extra washing/toileting space.

Best would be to revamp small room as it is (so many clever solutions nowadays) keep all the bedrooms the size they are (direct link to value) and add a shower/loo elsewhere.

We are a family of 4 with only one loo - in the family bathroom and it's the only thing I hate about my home. I wish we had a second loo.

Do you already have 2 loos? If you don't really, go back to the drawing board and find another solution.

Another alternative is to give the biggest double (normally yours) to the two boys and find clever ways of giving them private space.

DD gets next biggest room, you and DH share the smallest double (after all you have the whole house and a garden office) and the smallest room is a teen zone/playroom.

This is not a child problem this is an adult not thinking ahead problem. You and your DH!

I don't have SC, but I think if you want them to believe they are all equals, then you have to treat them as equals.
50% is a lot of time.
I quite liked the offer of triple pocket money 😂 (one of them might go for that )as an initial offer, if not then it has to random and fair. Actually I'd do whoever gets the room get extra as a sweetener regardless.

I am just wondering if it could be worth seeing if your step children could share a double bedroom on the promise of turning the smaller bedroom into a gamer den/ lad pad room

Be careful that your DH doesn’t frame you as the bad guy to his boys.

I’d give the older kids the big rooms with the stated plan being that at 18 the oldest child is going to swap rooms with the youngest.

Then your DD will have a big room to expand into as a teenager.

Make them share one double and set up the smallest room as a cool "den" for them to share with gaming, study etc. You can build a lot of privacy into the double room with clever furniture.
As regards the bathroom if you need a tub why not get a bigger than usual one & integrate the shower over? Unless anyone has mobility issues about stepping in and out.

What are your funds like?

..Make the garden office extra large and add an en-suite with a decent sized shower... or even a bedroom with en-suite. My friend’s teen ds has a tiny room in the end of their detached garage.

Is there another room in the house somewhere? or a garage that can be converted into an extra space? I think whoever gets the small bedroom also gets another space in the house that is also theirs.

I honestly think the boys sharing is not an option here. They really don't want to share any more. My older two always shared until they were about 13 and 11 and it really didn't work any more. We gave up our bedroom for a few years so they could have one each, until we moved into a bigger place. I suspect going back on your (their father's) word and making them share could be a source of major long-term resentment.

But that's not private for anyone? Study leave in there while you WFH in there?

I'm afraid I'm getting a vibe of 'unwilling to compromise' from you as well, OP, and thought it was quite telling that you said your stepchildren 'stay' half the time. They don't 'stay' with you. They're not guests. They live with their father half the time.

If the single room could fit your bed, I'd have it as your and dh's room, tbh. You say the stepchildren 'only need a bed', but that's not true, is it? They need desk space etc. But adults generally really do only sleep in their bedrooms. If the single room is too small for that, I would, first, rethink the planning and see if it isn't possible to slightly reduce the size of two or three rooms for the bathroom, rather than to halve the size of one, and, failing that, speak to all the children, tell them the situation and offer a big incentive to whoever is prepared to have the small room - lovely new furniture incl a cool bed, nice lighting etc, and possibly a moderate pocket money raise.

In the future you could have 5 adults/teenagers all trying to use the one, albeit larger, bathroom.

Taking your room out of the equation, how about taking another bite out of the next biggest bedroom and making a second bath/shower room. This would leave one double, which your DD, being there the most, should have and two smaller rooms which they can fight over negotiate ownership of.

As an outsider it seems daft having the permanent residents seriously inconvenienced for the sake of part-time residents.

At their ages I would presume the visits may tailor off, the boys have more external interests and activities with friends etc in the next few years.

So if they share a room it doesn’t need a wardrobe or desk etc, making it more spacious. Could have an open hanging rail if needed.

single room can be a guest room and they can sleep in if they really want space from each other.

Id just explain dad shouldn’t have promised any of the rooms and it is what it is.

This definitely sounds like you favouring your DD.
Your 9yo needs a double wardrobe but a 15yo boy can cope with a single. Each of his items of clothing/pairs of shoes is going to take up twice as much space as hers.

She needs space for all her belongings but they don't for theirs. Maybe your dss have so few belongings, and barely use their old room because they've always had to share a bedroom. But each having their own bedroom would actually give them an opportunity to have some more belongings for once.

Priority for me would be study space (i.e. a desk in their own space) for teenagers reaching exam age

Giving one of DP’s children a big room and one a small room will cause more problems than just giving them a big room.

They live there for half their lives and it’s not fair to hold it against them that they have to live across two homes. That’s hard enough to do as it is without the step mum using it as an excuse to why they shouldn’t have the bedroom they were promised.

I second the suggestion of posting a floorplan here (both floors) and see if anyone can come up with a suggestion that you have not thought of.

Yeah DD would get it if it was me to keep the kid crap out of family rooms. Not as relevant with teens, especially ones there 50%.

Love how kids can't be expected to study for exams without a big room... I had to share mine with three sisters in a crowded house with a family of twelve and no central heating, the only place to work that was both quiet and warm(ish) was in bed under the covers...I would have given a kidney for a room of my own, no matter what size. (In my 30s, this wasn't the war.)

Teens don't need a big room. No child NEEDS one. You can create all kinds of fun space-saving solutions and make it look great.

Only thing I would wonder about is if they tend to have lots of friends over would it be better for the teen boys to have space to hang out in their rooms, rather than in your living room, potentially less annoying to have DD's friends around? Depends I guess.

The older ones won’t have the majority of their stuff and they still get a private room, it’s really not that much of a compromise.
Have you asked the boys about it. They might realise your daughter has more stuff, needs more space for friends etc long term.

Give the 14yo the single room with a wardrobe and cabin bed with desk underneath for studying. Make it a cool room, he'll probably love it.

DD gets a large room.

The boys are giving the option of drawing straws for the smaller room or sharing.

DH has to suck it up. Permanent resident gets priority.

Putting a different slant on it (that I may get slated for - I dont have step children), but, if you are putting in 50% to the house but he gets three doubles and the kids are only there 50% of the time then that seems pretty unfair on you for what you have contributed......just another thought

I'm sorry but you seem intent on railroading this with "my daughter has more need" and ignoring the boys.

They are older and doing or about to do exams, if your dd can't fit a bed, wardrobe and desk in the smallest room then neither can the boys.

Frankly their need for space to study trumps your 10 year olds need for toys, at least for the next 4 or so years depending on whether she is y5 or y6.

You seem as unwilling to compromise as your dp.

I think the best solution would be Dd gets a double ,the boys share the next largest double so it can be partitioned so they each get the perk of their own privacy, then the single could be a study area/gaming area for all 3 to use.