Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

I also don't understand the need for a 'proper family bathroom', not like any of you will be using the space at the same time? With the youngest being 9 there is no need for a bath. Many countries in the world get by with just showers and everyone thrives.

I hope in all of your plans you've accounted for another toilet, as that's the most important. No point having a proper family bathroom if someone still can't pee when the shower is in use 💁🏽‍♀️

The two boys get one double room to share and the box room as a ‘lounge’ with TV or whatever so they can have private space. Your DD gets the other double.

Teen boys may need double beds, mine does he is over six feet. He studies in his room, socialises, has friends over and I am sure will host his girlfriend and what is probably key they want and need privacy.

The above may be in your dh mind, if teens don't have privacy are they likely to continue to come? They can decide at these ages.

He shouldn't have agreed but honestly I would be engaging with architect to sort a solution. Is the attic convertible? That could be achieved before dd is a teen.

I honestly don't see how an architect can't sort the solution and really is a bath necessary?

OP you do not need to re do the bathroom yet .

all children need a double room at the moment . My DS15 is over 6ft he could not comfortably sleep in a single bed night after night - my younger one is 5ft7 and due a double bed for his next birthday .

At some point in the next few years one of the children will go to uni or move out and that is the time to perfect the bathroom .

You are prioritising the bath and a nice new bathroom over the children’s needs .

YABU

For me, it’s an age thing.
The older you are the bigger the bedroom.

It would also mean one of his kids having a single room and one a double, which is going to be very unfair.

They’re also going to need a desk and things, which your DD won’t yet.

I think the 2 eldest should get the big rooms or as a PP said, suggest they share and have a hang out/game room.

Your DD gets the smallest room because she is the smallest. Simple. Your choice to buy what you bought and renovate the way you are isn't the problem of the bigger children. In 3 years the oldest is 18 anyway so she can move in then, as assuming he will be away at Uni etc. This can be easily explained to them all.

Double check plans to see if any other way of solving the problem. Understand the bedroom sacrifice for bathroom, as that has been done in the house I live in. With the house design, there are very limited options as to what you can do - which maybe the same for the OP. Any loft space for conversion possibly?
A younger child often needs more floor space for activities (certainly the case in my immediate family) so maybe more suitable for her to have one of the larger rooms.
If the older boys have been sharing, then that could potentially continue with the smaller room available for them somehow. There is going to have to be a compromise somehow and 1 child might feel hard done by, but DH definitely being thoughtless with his bedroom suggestions.....

Ps surely step kids need desk space to do homemwork though?

That's a good idea.

You and your husband take the single with bunk beds.

Could the boys share the sleeping space but give the the smaller space as another room to relax in ie. set it up with futon and couch or gaming room so they can have sperate spaces and just have to sleep in same room

I wouldn't make two teenage boys share if they don't have to - they need privacy. It might feel unfair of them to have one in a big and one in a small room. I think you could explain to them that your dd keeps all her stuff in her room so needs more storage and otherwise they might have her coming in and out of theirs to get her clothes or lego which they won't want.
Your dh then has to find a fair way to decide with the boys who gets which room. If might be that whoever gets the big one also has to agree to their room being the 'guest room' when they're not there, so there will be pros and cons to each room. Or maybe the big room has to have the games console in so that the brother with the bigger room has to allow his brother in during certain hours or something like that.

IMO given your DD spends more time at your house and is the youngest, so has more years before she goes to uni, she should have one of the double rooms.

The 15 year old only has max 3 years until goes to uni/further education.

I would give your DD a double, the eldest DS a double until he goes to uni and the youngest DS a single until older one leaves then he upgrades. I assume they have their own rooms at their Mothers house?

Children that age have toys and tend to need space for active plays. teenagers usually don’t. That needs to be considered.

putting your DD in a room that doesn’t fit those needs - if a better one is available - therefore wouldn’t be reasonable. Especially when one considers that she lives with you most of the time.

your DP was an idiot to promise rooms - especially the „bigger ones“ - before renovations were completed. He will need to come up with a solution or tell his DC that he unfortunately won’t be able to keep his promise.

Can you keep the double bedrooms and add a shower / sink / mini ensuite in any of them to reduce bathroom traffic?? X

Your DP is being ridiculous and is only being like this because he feels guilty. In our house, we have three doubles and a box room. We’ve got the the largest with the en-suite, bedroom two is our office as we WFH 80% of the time, bedroom 3 is for my DS as he lives with us 100% of the time, the box room is for DSS as he’s with us 4 nights a month. We actually upgraded from a 3 bed to a 4 bed, specifically so DSS could have his own room as previously he’d been on a pull out in the office (his room was turned into the office at the start of the pandemic)

Given that we spent £100k to give him his own bedroom, I don’t feel a single ounce of guilt that the room is the smallest one. After all, he uses it the least anyway. That’s the way you should look at things. I don’t get the MN obsession with treating step kids like Kings and Queens, often to the detriment of kids who have to actually live in the home full time.

I would strongly advise that you should prioritise having two bathrooms first, and that you should consult an architect on that basis, and then see where that leaves you bedroom-wise. Five people using just one bathroom (no matter how big it is) is less than ideal. The size is immaterial as it can only be used by one person at a time.

They may suggest a second bathroom as an en suite to your own room so that there's a kids' bathroom (the existing one), and an adults' one, and the bedrooms remain doubles. If you have a garden level office, is there space beside it for a kids' bathroom?

You're both uncompromising. DH should never have made promises but you are equally unwilling to look at alternative renovations.

Honestly just post a floor plan I guarantee someone will come up with a better solution.

I wouldn't reduce the bedroom to a single as surely you're devaluing the house? I'd suggest asking who ever is doing the drawings if there's another solution. My H used to do this sort of work and could normally sort out a way to get a bathroom downstairs if people didn't want to cut into the bedrooms.

Any chance of posting an upstairs plan so we can make suggestions @ProbablyAmy?

Also, cabin beds in a single bedroom turn them into claustrophobic hell holes.

Forgot to add we do have a downstairs toilet , 2 toilets for a large household is invaluable. Not sure we would manage with 1.

This ! I don't think people understand how hassly it is for teens to schlep between 2 houses. I don't think people get how hard it is for teens to share a room, especially when they start have girlfriends etc and want to have a private conversation on the phone but their sibling is sat there earwigging.
Growing up in our house the youngest had the smallest room and then when the oldest left for uni the next oldest moved into that room and so on.
This is not a step child issue. This is a divide unequal rooms issue. The step children are as much a part of the family as the DD and deserve to be considered equally. They live there half the time.
So have a family conference, lay it all out and discuss it with the 3 of them. Including the small bathroom option

Teenagers need room for a bed (ideally a double), a proper desk for studying, space for chilling out having some privacy. If they have friends over they need much more space. A bedroom is more like their living area. 50% of time there is a fair whack of time.

9 year olds (or at least mine) tended to sleep in their room and that was about it they are downstairs interacting with parents much much more, other than sleep overs.

With 3 children I would much prefer 4 double rooms that will be well used vs a very occasionally used bath.

We recently moved into a four bed house with the tiniest bathroom in the world . It’s actually been fine, it’s not like more than one person uses it at once ?! So how big does it really need to be “ for a 4 bed house” . We shower and shit in it🤷🏾‍♀️ Any dressing or hair/ make up etc gets done in bedrooms, just make sure everyone has a dressing gown! I actually hate my bathroom because its old and ugly but the tiny size Doesn’t affect its use in any way. See if you can just squeeze a slightly larger shower cubicle in it or tell DH to breath in.

I think you need to change things somehow. Can you use a room downstairs for the bathroom or a medtoom, so if you have a dining room, use it as a bedroom for the eldest child or you/DH.
Or
Keep bedrooms the same and have a shower room upstairs, and downstairs make a bathroom - you'll need more toilets anyway, so make a room downstairs into a bathroom (we have this, it's a converted bungalow, so main bath downstairs, two en suits up stairs and a den/ occasional bedroom, downstairs en suite master, a separate bathroom, another spare room, and other living/utility rooms