Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

Yes, it was clumsy to promise rooms before having finalised the changes and very silly to try to make you present the change to the children.

To me, the obvious solution is to make the children swap rooms at times so that not the same child has a tiny room all the time. Friends of mine have 3 children, one bedroom is an ex-wardrobe without any window and they've swapped about every year or two so that they all take turns having that one. (They prefer taking turns having that one rather than sharing.) Given the children's ages and when they might move away, it's not a matter of that long anyway.

Despite his putting you in this situation I'd accept that for the purposes of good relations his children get the big rooms to start with, but very clearly explained that next year x person (probably best to decide on who and when immediately, draw lots?) will swap to the small one.

(I'm not massively into decorating rooms for a particular person and would advise no pink horses for example but if you're a family where it's super important that a boy has a blue room for example it might be trickier.)

OP if you haven't actually started the renovations yet it might be worth consulting an architect to see if there are any other options that solve your bedroom problem. I know it may not look that way to you based on the floor plan and the inadequate existing bathroom, but my DH is an architect and he just sees things in a way that I don't. Our house has undergone extensive renovations (almost finished!) and has gone from an inconveniently laid-out and dark house to one that is so easy to live and work in.

I hasten to add that I'm not offering his services as we are in the USA so probably not at all local to you!

Thanks for the apology, yes of course you misunderstood me.

No, they didn’t want the best room at all. Just not a crappy camp bed in a storage room shared with other visitors. At their dad’s house. Funnily enough, they stopped visiting when they were old enough to make their own decisions.

If you find that entitled or ridiculous , good luck to you and any future step kids you may have.

I personally think your DD should get a larger room and your DH was out of order promising the step kids the larger rooms. It isnt fair on your DD that she is there the majority of the time but gets a tiny room.

I agree with pp saying to have a conversation with the boys; you may find that they're so pleased about having their own rooms, they don't care about the size. It might also be worth throwing in a sweetener for whichever ends up with the smallest room.

I did almost 50/50 (probably 45/55) between my mum and dad's growing up - I had a small room at my mum's and then changed to share with my sister (we were crammed in with bunk beds). At my dad's house I only ever had a tiny box room; it never occured ot me to complain because i was only there half the week and it was my own private space.

Wild idea but how about asking the kids? We are in 3 bed, 2 double rooms and a tiny box room. One of my sons asked for the box room and planned it all out himself. A wardrobe for hanging thing and ikea box shelvy things (kalax?) and he has loads of storage for 3 tons of lego etc

I'd get a cabin or loft bed for your DD so she has room for a desk or to play under. I'd also tell the boys now, that when the eldest moves out to Uni, that DD will inherit the room, and they'll swap, as part of the 'double room now' deal.

I did too with my boyfriend when I was 18 and we used to stay at each other's parents houses. We did that until we were 22!

Exactly!

Could you cut a deal with the boys?

share big bed room and have the small bedroom as a gaming lounge?

A lot of university halls only have single beds.

And a lot of students manage to fit two people in that pretty regularly!

@DocOck
my 6 foot2 boyfriend and I happily shared a single 😂

Double beds are hardly completely standard for teenagers, are they?

Regardless of renovations, the child who lives there the most should have the biggest room.

And it's ridiculous of a PP to say teenage boys won't fit into a single bed 😂A lot of university halls only have single beds. How will the poor boys cope!

I'm sorry your DC had a tough time, and that his Dad didn't make more of an effort to create a second home for him, but size of room is surely only one factor in that.

What size rooms do they boys have in their mum's house and what size room does your daughter have at her dad's?

How big are the boys? How tall is your husband? Your daughter is 9, most likely quite small as most female 9 year olds are. 14/15 year old boys tend to grow rapidly during the years of 14-18 so chances are they won't fit in a single bed so if the option is to stick one of them in the small room because they 'only stay' 50% of the time, not because they live there 50% of the time, you are being unreasonable. Your daughter will fit in a single bed for a long time yet.

IMO teenage boys don’t need big rooms….we have 3 teen DS at home and 1 teen DD. Teen DD has the biggest room because she has desk, make up desk, lots more clothes, make up, hair styling stuff…just ‘stuff’ in general. All teen DS sit on their beds to game/use laptop etc so they don’t need the space as much. None of them are bothered because they’re out with mates most of the time anyway.

I think your DD should have the biggest room, she’s still of an age to ‘play’ in her bedroom. Your DP should break the news to the teens because he shouldn’t have told them they were going to get the biggest rooms in the first place.

Can you fit a double bed into the smallest bedroom, if nothing else is there? If so I'd put one of the boys in there with a TV on the wall. All wardrobes for the boys to go into the other bedroom. Your daughter should get a decent sized room.

Either you make the shower room work - wet room, small/corner basin or loo, or he has to have a grown up conversation

how can you even be attracted to someone so unable to ‘adult’

the house shouldn’t even have been bought tbh, and even then it would be absolutely clear at point of purchase that the bathroom would come at the expense of a bedroom

This may be a totally ridiculous suggestion in terms of cost and value but could you have three singles/smaller doubles and a second bathroom, or even three (one ensuite for the master, one family and one show room).

Seems like a lot of people and teenagers for one bathroom

Or can the boys share a double room to sleep, then set up the single room as a gaming room for them?

Entitlement for the ones not living there full time is ridiculous.

I'd say a second bathroom and refurbished family one would be better anyway.

Share a floor plan, plenty of us are used to development stuff on here.

Do you pay 50/50 on the house? If so explain to him that he is getting a MUCH better deal than you. He gets half the master, plus 2 double bedrooms for his kids. You get half the master and a single room. Surely he can see this is very unfair. As an outsider looking in I would say the fairest split is that the boys get a double and a single, which they can swap between every year. And then your daughter gets a double room.

@DuchessPotato So sorry if I misunderstood, but your child only stayed at dads occasionally, but wanted the best room?

I think it's very entitled to demand the best room when you only stay a couple of nights a month 🤯🙄 Surely you educated them about that ridiculous demand?