To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

some of the subs coming uncomfortably close to the Manosphere

They are recruiting grounds for the manosphere, lets be honest here.

Re your whole post: you've beautifully highlighted the double standard between male acceptable social media use and female acceptable social media use, which of course reflects the double standards women are held to throughout life.

I've hid many topics I'm not interested in, or I dislike.

Interesting.

There was a thread very recently about how much better, lovelier and fluffier Tatler was than this site, now here's a thread claiming Reddit of all places compares with MN as an all-round haven of tranquility, peace and supportiveness.

'Scuse me while I pick up my ribs ...

They're all just discussion forums and the difference is in the moderation. Reddit, however, has a larger than average misgogynistic component, with some of the subs coming uncomfortably close to the Manosphere.

The door fixation on MN is really small stuff by comparison, but admittedly it's baffling. I will answer my door or not - in my own home - as I see fit! (And who the hell cares, anyway). But door-answering, impromptu visiting, bog brushes and dishwashers all sound like silly foibles to me, as opposed to outright toxicity and some of the sinister undertow of the more, shall we say, 'niche' subs.

I'm only an occasional poster on the FWR boards but IMO these are informative, fascinating, and proactive. In a world in which SM has made misogyny rife again, and women's rights have suffered serious setbacks, it makes a refreshing change to find an active online feminist community incorporating some real (and much-needed) grass roots activism. The difference between this and the woman-hating sites mentioned upthread couldn't be more marked.

The good:

• FWR.
• Relationships, and just generally the support given to abused wives.
• Neurodiverse Mumsnetters.

The bad:

• I've encountered some unpleasant ablism towards autistic people. Usually the mods nuke it pretty quickly, but that someone even thought it was OK to post that is still alarming.
• The people who don't quite seem to grasp that MNers Without Children doesn't mean "my kids have flown the nest".
• The people who haven't yet grasped that Mumsnet has expanded beyond being just a parenting site and that intentionally childfree people aren't barred from joining.

For the last few years I’ve noticed it always gets worse over Christmas! There have been some awful responses to posters asking for help, really nasty and denigrating their choices with no thought for what led them there. Posters that haven’t read the OP and project their own experiences on to something and making it all about whatever happened to them then take all responses personally. Then again there are lots of genuinely lovely, smart, insightful and helpful posters out there. With the nasty ones you get to recognise their usernames and just gloss over them.

Why does it always rain on me?

On Mumsnet, you can choose not to follow topics that you don't like and MNHQ wouldn't entertain a misogynist porn topic. So the best of both worlds.

But there's an absolute ton of space between 'too nice' and 'horrible for no reason'. It's not a binary situation.

Being kind and simpering aren't remotely the same thing though, are they?

Everyone, male or female, should always be kind, in my opinion. It shows great strength of character, as well as making the world generally better. Yet I think sadly sometimes people conflate kindness with weakness.

I do agree that there are strangely unkind people on here - it often seems to be directed at any who, from their posting style or details in their post, might be perceived to be working class.

Class prejudice absolutely disgusts me, so I don't know why I come on here so much!

There are lots of good things about it too though - lots of kind posters and knowledgable, interesting ones. And lots who are hilarious - there are posts I read on here years ago that still make me laugh to this day when I think of them.....

Totally agree OP. AIBU at any rate. It's like some people just cannot bear the fact that not everyone thinks and acts the same way. The levels of vitriol against introverts, hidden disabilities, people who don't work, even people that don't answer the bloody door. And of course people who 'sound weird', heaven forbid.

But this being Mumsnet, any attempt to call out the nastiness is eventually met with the oh-so-edgy retort of 'Netmums is that way hun', in fact someone will probably have posted it by the time I submit this, along with 'just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to be nice' and assorted sneers about 'be kind'.

And before anyone asks what I'm doing on here if I hate it so much, I don't hate it at all. Other parts of MN are nicer and more constructive and I've learned a lot, and had a lot of support, from people on MN. But I think AIBU is problematic, despite the fact that I often get drawn into it despite myself. It's probably the main cash cow and drawer-in of MN, but also the main negative about the site due to the sheer toxicity. IMO anyway.

I do feel that some threads are created to try to make women tear into one another.

It's what women do I'm afraid

I hate gifs that reference obscure US TV (or whatever that is) what on earth is it supposed to mean?

Sometimes it is all

Are there statistics to back this up, @Emmainexile?

I think the gentler more respectful way of life of years ago is long gone. People are more aggressive. No one can be seen to be shitting out. There is so much anger on the roads. Everyone wants to be right. Everyone wants to be the best. I think social media has a lot to answer for. Before its inception we didn’t know everyone’s thoughts and feelings. Now we do and no one wants to be seen to be “less” than anyone else. Just my observation x

@ArabellaScott , occasion is fine

I may have spelled occasion wrong. It's looking wrong however I type it, now.

No worries. I am still surprised that this site, which undoubtedly does have women being rude on occassion, is being criticised while Reddit is being held up as an example of internet civility.

Sometimes it is like this

Yep horrid people everywhere. I find drivers and people online (like MN) the worst as they can be horrible behind their shields.

There are certain things I wouldn't ask about or have certainly learned not to bother asking about because what's the point, you know you'll get loads of unpleasant and ignorant replies. Things I wouldn't ask about

1. baby names (I don't get why people want to ask strangers about this..you like what you like, I don't need anyone's approval :) )
2. very subjective parenting stuff - everyone's got an angle
3. anything related to being a step-parent (wrong forum!)

Stuff I would ask/find replies are more constructive...

1. health/pregnancy experiences - doesn't attract as many cruel people
2. practical things i.e - what kind of buggy/car seat etc.
3. Some work related stuff - i.e How did you break into this industry etc.
4. Weirdly also mental health - because I think it tends to be more supportive group of people - although I must admit I have limited experience so may be wrong?

Absolutely. I think it’s people who are very passive in real life getting their own back by being nasty online. Little hits of adrenaline.
There are often vulnerable posters on here splurging thoughts they wouldn’t say in real life and they are crtitiqued and mocked as if they had gone out and done something terrible.

@gothicomedy I am so sorry this happened to you. It is like some people have to be 100% right based on one thing about their own experiences and have to impose that at all costs. There are ways of disagreeing with others without being an arse about it. Or having a discussion instead of just saying your experience.