Page 2 | To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

Poile · 2024-01-09T14:31:30+00:00

Just that. Have seen so many directly aggressive and passively aggressive comments on here that it makes me think that many mumsnetters are just plain nasty. Assuming to due to unhappiness with own life. Some examples stick out - when people ask to guess their age some of the guesses are just rude and over the top inaccurate. One poster even questioned a person’s gender even stating they had thick eyebrows which were not groomed due to depression. The disingenuous of “please don’t think I’m being rude but …”. Also saw someone ask for help with their curtains and the amount of snide remarks was shocking. I also think a lot of people in here think their way is best and the only way. Insufferable. To me the people who will kick a person when they are down just seems disproportionately high. Obviously the fact it’s an anonymous forum adds to this.

Handitback · 09/01/2024 20:47

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 20:31

Or... post an issue / frustration / worry about your teenage child, especially if you've got other younger children too. You'll be accused of hating your older child and "replacing" them and such things. Bonus points if the younger child has a different father - there's extra special vitriol for that.

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It’s not just me who has noticed this then! Only not just teens. Anyone with more than one child gets a load of hate here.

Mumof2NDers · 09/01/2024 20:43

Redcar78 · 09/01/2024 16:20

You're not wrong OP, we can't have those pesky women saying what they mean when they're supposed to be being kind all over the place, disgusting 🤦

You can disagree with someone without being a twat though.

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 20:31

JenniferBooth · 09/01/2024 19:59

Post about living in social housing OR if you need to go to A&E and you will see it.

Or... post an issue / frustration / worry about your teenage child, especially if you've got other younger children too. You'll be accused of hating your older child and "replacing" them and such things. Bonus points if the younger child has a different father - there's extra special vitriol for that.

SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky · 09/01/2024 20:28

@Poile YANBU OP.

SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky · 09/01/2024 20:27

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 18:03

Totally agree OP. AIBU at any rate. It's like some people just cannot bear the fact that not everyone thinks and acts the same way. The levels of vitriol against introverts, hidden disabilities, people who don't work, even people that don't answer the bloody door. And of course people who 'sound weird', heaven forbid.

But this being Mumsnet, any attempt to call out the nastiness is eventually met with the oh-so-edgy retort of 'Netmums is that way hun', in fact someone will probably have posted it by the time I submit this, along with 'just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to be nice' and assorted sneers about 'be kind'.

And before anyone asks what I'm doing on here if I hate it so much, I don't hate it at all. Other parts of MN are nicer and more constructive and I've learned a lot, and had a lot of support, from people on MN. But I think AIBU is problematic, despite the fact that I often get drawn into it despite myself. It's probably the main cash cow and drawer-in of MN, but also the main negative about the site due to the sheer toxicity. IMO anyway.

This. ^

Wooloohooloo · 09/01/2024 20:22

I think if someone posts asking their age on an open internationally used forum, that's their own fault.

Asosbabe · 09/01/2024 20:14

Lots of trolls. Some very sad people on here

NonPlayerCharacter · 09/01/2024 20:11

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 20:09

Debaters in that sort of context are expected to debate constructively and research their points. Stuff like 'YABU and weird what sort of person would even think that? You sound unhinged OP' wouldn't exactly fly at the Oxford Union.

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But that's not to say it was never attempted.

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 20:09

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/01/2024 19:09

At many universities, there are debating societies where people argue with each other as a hobby. If joining the Oxford Union is a legitimate hobby, why can't arguing on here be a legitimate hobby?

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Debaters in that sort of context are expected to debate constructively and research their points. Stuff like 'YABU and weird what sort of person would even think that? You sound unhinged OP' wouldn't exactly fly at the Oxford Union.

JenniferBooth · 09/01/2024 19:59

Post about living in social housing OR if you need to go to A&E and you will see it.

Fionaville · 09/01/2024 19:57

Yes I think so. But at the same time people will post an AIBU, and you give your honest opinion then you get jumped on for it.

kisstheblarney · 09/01/2024 19:54

Poile · 09/01/2024 17:51

The subreddits I’m on are not negative - r/space, r/h3productions, r/books. I’m not saying Reddit in its entirety is toxicity free.

Mumsnetters often jump on a point and extrapolate to the nth degree - totally misrepresenting the initial point as a result

Edited

Lots of Mumsnet boards are the same?

Travel, sporner corner etc!

What's your point?

LavenderHaze19 · 09/01/2024 19:50

I think this site now attracts a lot of Incels who want to give women a good kicking (especially if they’re down) while pretending to be one.

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 19:31

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/01/2024 18:29

some of the subs coming uncomfortably close to the Manosphere

They are recruiting grounds for the manosphere, lets be honest here.

Re your whole post: you've beautifully highlighted the double standard between male acceptable social media use and female acceptable social media use, which of course reflects the double standards women are held to throughout life.

Edited

I know you weren't talking to me, but I'm going to jump in anyway. Pointing out that some posters on a predominantly female forum seem to enjoy going out of their way to be nasty isn't the same as saying they shouldn't be nasty because they are women. I agree the double standard you mention exists (regrettably) but I don't think this particular thread is an example of it. I can't think of any of the shitty things I've seen posted that I wouldn't consider equally shitty coming from men.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/01/2024 19:09

Zanatdy · 09/01/2024 19:05

Yes I’ve noticed it too. And much worse over the last few years. Some people get a kick out of being rude or argumentative. They need a hobby

At many universities, there are debating societies where people argue with each other as a hobby. If joining the Oxford Union is a legitimate hobby, why can't arguing on here be a legitimate hobby?

Zanatdy · 09/01/2024 19:05

Yes I’ve noticed it too. And much worse over the last few years. Some people get a kick out of being rude or argumentative. They need a hobby

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/01/2024 19:04

CatMadam · 09/01/2024 17:12

There’s also so much transphobia posted here
with the assumption that it’s naturally a part of feminism, which is really sad. Nothing radical or feminist about bigotry! (Note to transphobes: I don’t engage with bigots, so you’ll only be wasting your own time by trying to start an argument with me :) )

A belief found worthy of respect in a democratic society (Forstater v CGD) and hence protected by the Equality Act 2010 is not "bigotry".

Your right to disagree with people does not equate to a right to slander them.

The person starting an argument is you by slandering FWR posters in the first place.

alltootired · 09/01/2024 18:52

@Ilovelurchers your classism is showing.

LenaLamont · 09/01/2024 18:49

Brefugee · 09/01/2024 18:34

Evidence?

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There is never any evidence because any actual transphobia (very rare) is rightly deleted. But to some sections of the internet, advocating for women's rights is "transphobia".

Which is, of course, nonsense; transmen are included in the battle for women's rights. It's a sex-based thing.

WhateverMate · 09/01/2024 18:45

Brefugee · 09/01/2024 18:33

People can be dicks if they like. Other people can judge them. Or call them out

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Exactly and this was the original point.

People can be dicks on MN, get judged and called out and then name change, so people will interact with them again.

Be a dick on forums where name changing isn't allowed, and you'll reap what you sow in terms of no-one wanting to talk to you.

But as I said, MN wouldn't work without name changing.

UsernameChangerRanger · 09/01/2024 18:38

It's the way of the internet and it's only getting worse. I don't know how social media influencers do it, the comments sections on the main platforms are horrendous!

Brefugee · 09/01/2024 18:34

CatMadam · 09/01/2024 17:12

There’s also so much transphobia posted here
with the assumption that it’s naturally a part of feminism, which is really sad. Nothing radical or feminist about bigotry! (Note to transphobes: I don’t engage with bigots, so you’ll only be wasting your own time by trying to start an argument with me :) )

Evidence?

19percentineedmycharger · 09/01/2024 18:33

Yes, I agree OP. And the lack of listening and nuance drive me crazy.

Brefugee · 09/01/2024 18:33

WhateverMate · 09/01/2024 17:07

But you can be a dick to people within talk guidelines.

However, it doesn't make it right, does it?

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People can be dicks if they like. Other people can judge them. Or call them out

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 18:30

Theyarehere · 09/01/2024 18:26

For the last few years I’ve noticed it always gets worse over Christmas! There have been some awful responses to posters asking for help, really nasty and denigrating their choices with no thought for what led them there. Posters that haven’t read the OP and project their own experiences on to something and making it all about whatever happened to them then take all responses personally. Then again there are lots of genuinely lovely, smart, insightful and helpful posters out there. With the nasty ones you get to recognise their usernames and just gloss over them.

yes to this! It's been horrific over Christmas I've noticed.

I posted a thread just before Christmas under a different name when I was really struggling and needed support with a situation with my teen - I got absolutely torn to shreds and accused of not loving her, all sorts.

Just a few days ago I posted about something different and once again had some awful responses, it got so bad my thread was deleted by mods as there were so many personal attacks it became so unpleasant and unhelpful. And actually there were some helpful responses in amongst the nasty shit so I was gutted it got deleted without warning as I was reading the helpful stuff.

I'm very, very wary of this board as a result and would hesitate to post here again if I felt vulnerable.