Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please share your positive stories of a autistic and ADHD child later in their life.

56 replies

PercolatedFish · 07/01/2024 07:59

I am on my knees with my 7 year old DS. He's autistic and has ADHD. I think the combination may be what makes him so challenging to parent.

He has no school as mainstream couldn't cope and no suitable specialist school available yet. Most support workers that are sent as part of his EOTIS package say they can't cope and abandon him after a session or two.

Paediatrician has offered to trial medication for ADHD but has said she isn't convinced it'll help as a lot of his behaviours could be because he is autistic and not the ADHD causing it. She has also warned of the side effects which tends to put me off as he's so young still.

I am feeling absolutely destroyed by it all. Its become too much for me. I have a 7 week old baby who I can't enjoy spending any time with as apart from meeting her basic needs I have barely any time for her as DS needs so much time and attention and as he's no longer in school there is no respite.

I am majorly depressed. Just hoping to hear stories from other families who went through a hellish time but actually came out the other side in a more positive place.

Right now everything feels hopeless and not worth living for.

OP posts:
NotSayingImBatman · 07/01/2024 09:28

One of my brothers was diagnosed with conduct disorder as a child that was so severe, a psychiatrist told my mum that he would be dead or in prison by 18. This was when he was 7. He’s now 31, he’s been with his partner since they were 16, they have two gorgeous little girls together and own their own house. They have a lovely life and he’s miles away from the kid he was all those years ago.

Another brother is autistic and after struggling badly at school, he’s now working as a gardener at 20. He has his own car, enjoys his job, has good friends and is cracking on brilliantly.

My youngest is AuDHD. He had a rocky start to education and although his mainstream school limped along and really tried their best, he was unable to confidently read or do much more than count by the time he started Year 4. He then moved to a specialist school where it’s become apparent he’s exceptionally bright and his teachers are talking about “when” he does his GCSEs/A Levels/goes to uni. His previous school talked very vaguely about his future and in terms of group homes at 18 etc so this is such a relief for his dad and I.

I’m also autistic. I’m educated to postgraduate level and have an amazing professional job that I adore. I’m married, I have two children, and whilst I do struggle with my mental health at times, I’m pretty happy with my lot.

Original poster
PercolatedFish · 07/01/2024 09:27

@Fionaville

That helps to hear the reaffirmation that it's just a bad patch but it just feels so hopeless and never ending at the moment. I know I feel like this as I'm sinking really far into depression so can't find any hope in anything but it just feels helpless.

I'm so glad to hear that things improved for your son. My son is so desperate for friends but has none as has never been allowed to attend a school to be able to make any. This also means he's never been able to develop the appropriate social skills so when we go out to parks etc he cannot appropriately interact with the other children so either puts them off and they run away or they start to pick on him.

So far any kind of outreach or support workers that have been set up for him have all come for a few days then said they can't cope with him due to xyz and then stop the sessions.

OP posts:
Ffsadhd · 07/01/2024 09:03

I'm so sorry you feel so low OP. My DS is only a year older but we took the decision to medicate him this year, although it's his 'autistic' side which causes the most issues. It hasn't stopped the rigidity or the meltdowns entirely but it's made a huge difference to his ability to cope - I like to think it means he can mentally take a breath sometimes and get a little perspective before a reaction kicks in.

He also says he likes how his brain feels on the medication to the point where we'd only planned to give it for school but now give it every day.

I'm worried for his future, especially the teen years which are looming nearer, but he is definitely improving with age. Sending strength to you!

Squeaky2023 · 07/01/2024 08:35

Ahh, OP, big hugs to you.
I know little of autism but neighbours a few doors down have a little girl who has autism.
One day she was having such a loud meltdown indoors that a nice fella who always walks his dog along the way and chats to everyone felt he had to knock and ask if everything was ok.
The parents realised they needed help then, and as a result, the little girl goes to a specialist boarding school during the week and has had care workers take her out an about during the day leading up to this.
Try the autism organisation websites? They must have specialist knowledge of how you can get help like this.

sleepymouses · 07/01/2024 08:34

Could you let us know what are the most challenging of his behaviours?

My son who is 12 has autism and adhd.

He's just started medication and tbh I wish we started it much sooner.

I also was wary and was warned that they might not do much or the side effects are this and that.

It got to a point where we had nothing to lose and we said we'd give them a go. If they didn't work or he didn't like them we'd stop.

He is at a private school and was on the brink of getting expelled. So we were desperate.

Fionaville · 07/01/2024 08:16

Firstly, life is worth living, this is a bad patch which youll get through. I also had a baby when my son with ASD/ADHD was 7. It was the hardest time behaviour and challenge wise. He's 18 now.
He started special school at 7 (from a mainstream) and that made a big difference to him and us.
I home educate my younger ones, so can also see the benefit in that. If you are home educating have you connected with other parents locally? That will make a big difference to you, as there are many in the same boat, unable to get a special school placement.
Also look at your local offer. Is there a Banardos scheme that will take him for days out etc? Do you have a social worker assigned to him that could help? Lots of young people with SEN do, as it helps access lots of services. You need some support.
At 18, we still have struggles. But he has a great life, goes to a special college, he's part of a lovely community and has friends. Everybody who knows him, loves him. Things got a lot better from age 7 and that was mostly him starting special school, so I'd keep pushing for that.
Things will get better.