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Original poster

To think my DH is being a big girls blouse about the the washing?

387 replies

KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 00:15

For years my DH Has allegedly been sensitive to wet washing - it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently. He’s getting worse - when I simply take the washing out the machine he says within 30 seconds “Have you taken the washing out? It’s getting to my eyes already!” 🙄

I actually did an experiment in our last house. We had a kitchen living room open plan thing and when he was watching TV I very quietly unloaded the washing machine (he couldn’t see, TV was on loud too so couldn’t hear either) and left it all by the machine, and left the room. Came back 20 minutes later and he didn’t complain one bit or even clock on that he was in the same room as a pile of wet washing.

He won’t line dry his things because it makes his eyes itchy (🤷‍♀️). I can’t even have a sock drying on the radiator because it makes him sneeze apparently. I’d LOVE a heated airer as we spend an absolute fortune on tumble drying, but he’d make a right song and dance no doubt. Tumble drying is the only way he will dry his clothes. Even if I line dry mine he gets all dramatic if I come too close - “Oh god has that top been line dried - my eyes are itchy!”.

Weve just moved into a new home that has an integral washer/dryer. Well it doesn’t actually fucking dry anything? The ‘dryer’ part is a massive lie, so he wants to buy a separate washing machine AND dryer because apparently “I can’t live in a house with a condenser dryer it get to my eyes nose and lungs”. I sneered at him and he got really annoyed. I’d rather just stick with what we have and line dry things or get a heated airer.

I know I sound unsympathetic but I think he’s being so dramatic - I’ve asked his mum and he didn’t grow up with a tumble dryer, everything was dried on heaters and the washing line. He somehow survived childhood unscathed and his mum said he never had any issues. Yet as an adult all this OTT sneezing and “oh god it’s getting to my lungs that is” is going on - I just think he is being an attention seeker. No asthma. No respiratory issues.

Am I a horrible cow who needs to understand his sensitivities better? Do other people suffer like this just from being in the same room as a freshly washed sock? I’ve never heard of a single person who can’t be around wet washing. Or is he being the drama llama I think he is?

OP posts:
Phoenixfire1988 · 05/01/2024 23:34

KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:12

He walks around the bedroom in the buff ‘air drying’ 🥴

Show quote history

Absolutely crying at some of your comments 🤣

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:32

lavenderphase · 05/01/2024 09:37

Kind of goes with the username too doesn't it!

Show quote history

My username has 2 purposes:

  1. Irony
  2. reclaiming my lovely name that has been stolen by woman haters
OP posts:
Phoenixfire1988 · 05/01/2024 23:30

Marblessolveeverything · 05/01/2024 00:59

Honestly you speak about him horribly. If my partner spoke about me this way I would be leaving. and why on earth would you use such a sexist phrase 'big girls blouse"??

Oh give over 🙄

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:30

Phineyj · 05/01/2024 09:02

combatstress.org.uk/helpline#:~:text=Our%2024%2Dhour%20Helpline%200800,mental%20health%20advice%20and%20support.

Hi OP - try these people. I'll bet there's nothing they haven't heard before.

TYSM 🙏🏿

OP posts:
Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:28

Nonplusultra · 05/01/2024 08:45

My first guess is that it’s related to his army experience - displaced trauma or ptsd.

What you should do about that, I’m not sure. There’s a tricky line between supporting someone dealing with an issue and accommodating it, which can make it worse.

But the gender focused insults (you’ve used two so far) are resonant of army brutalisation tactics, as well as some deeply internalise misogyny - what’s going on with that op? It really doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of kindness or psychological safety in your home environment. What are things like otherwise?

Oh do bore off with your armchair psychology, we are very kind and approach life with heaps of humour.

OP posts:
Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:26

PrinciSalt · 05/01/2024 08:39

This is most likely psychological. Who knows why. Did someone once attack him with a wet sock, is it an army thing etc?

I would want him to try and address this because it makes family life harder. Can he accept it’s psychological? Your experiment largely showed this.

Would he be willing to do some self-help and try graded exposure at home?

He needs to help himself. Does he do any laundry at all?

I mean the worst thing that happened to him in the Army wasn’t sock/wet clothes related, it was absolutely awful - his best friend was shot and killed next to him in Iraq and he had to drag his body into their nearby truck. This PTSD has manifested in a lot of ways (poor man goes through an absolute nightmare in a thunder storm) but I’m really not sure how it would relate to washing/allergies.

OP posts:
GettingStuffed · 05/01/2024 23:25

Surely big girls blouse just means you're a big softy as blouses are soft and shirts are not.
Sorry I got sidetracked.

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:23

diddl · 05/01/2024 08:36

it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently.

So you've never seen it & don't believe it?

He only makes a fuss when he sees/hears you getting washing out?

He sometimes sneezes but his eyes don’t look particularly itchy and I have to strain to hear the wheezing. But if I say “You don’t sound wheezy” he gets huffy 🙄

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 05/01/2024 23:20

Surely this is just his cast-iron 'excuse' for going nowhere near laundry?

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:14

IfTheresTeaTheresHope · 05/01/2024 06:35

Has he never done laundry? Did he go from living with his parents to living with you? How was it managed before you were in his life?

He joined the army at 16, then lived with me after he left. So wasn’t domesticated until he was nearly 30! I mostly do the washing

OP posts:
k1233 · 05/01/2024 23:13

Big girls blouse

I've never read it as a blouse belonging to a big girl.

I've read as girls blouse ie soft, floaty, lacking strength.

Then being like a big idiot, big scaredy cat, you're a big "girls blouse"

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:12

Dotchange · 05/01/2024 06:25

How does he cope with a wet towel after his shower?

He walks around the bedroom in the buff ‘air drying’ 🥴

OP posts:
MoonWoman69 · 05/01/2024 23:12

By the smell of my DH's kit when he used to come home, I can categorically state they didn't wear fresh changes of clothes! I'd open the washer, add the powder and some Oxi and leave him to load it and switch on!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:11

Oh and I don’t use fabric softener! Horrible stuff, makes clothes slimy!

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 05/01/2024 23:10

‘Big girl’s blouse’ to me always meant you’re being pathetic which means you’re being a big girl. Like the phrase ‘you’re being such a woman’ or ‘you throw like a girl’. Hate all that crap.

Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:10

Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername · 05/01/2024 17:05

He's ex army. Could he possibly have ptsd that's that's manifesting in this way?

10,000% he has (undiagnosed) PTSD that probably manifests itself in a thousand different ways. But really when he gets no help despite my persistent pressing him to, it’s hard to continue to sympathise with him

OP posts:
Original poster
KarenNotAKaren · 05/01/2024 23:08

I agree that Big Girl’s Blouse is a great phrase and I’m not sorry for using it.

Bought the annoying fecker some anti-histemines today and told him to get his sniffly self to the doctor’s. Will try a new detergent too, many thanks for the suggestions. But if none of this helps he’s on his own in terms of the washing

To a PP - no he didn’t sleep in puddles naked 😂 when he was on exercise if it pissed it down, their tents would be swimming and they’d just have to tolerate it. He says it was the best time of his life - I assume nobody had freshly washed clothes on 🤣

OP posts:
Doone22 · 05/01/2024 22:54

Just do yours. He can take his to laundrette

BruceAndNosh · 05/01/2024 21:34

It's a shame that the Blouse obsessives have scared the OP away

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 05/01/2024 21:30

I just want to say -
BIG GIRL'S BLOUSE, BIG GIRL'S BLOUSE, BIG GIRL'S BLOUSE
because it is a great phrase. I think I first heard it used by Bet Lynch in Coronation Street about 50 years ago and she was one tough woman.

Ragingoverlife · 05/01/2024 21:20

The insult is saying that he is weak or offering no masculine strength.

I am a big girl. If I wear a blouse I can assure you it's very weak at the buttons 😬

Yellowpingu · 05/01/2024 20:59

I’m sensitive to smelly washing powders/conditioner. Try Fairy Non-Bio or some of the supermarket own brand non biological detergents. I detest whatever it is my mother uses!

101Nutella · 05/01/2024 20:53

Yah I sneeze when hanging washing up.
I can smell it in a room, especially if it’s got even the faintest whiff of stale water eg been left in the washer. I wouldn’t sneeze if you left it in a pile but once you wave it about or put on rads.

I have a condensing tumble dryer, line dry and use rads. I use fairy non bio and I don’t use fabric softener. I think it’s the fabric softener that does it coz it’s essentially a type of soft plastic to smooth fabric.

I use white vinegar in place of fabric softener as it softens clothes and keeps damp smell away. I use a dehumidifier in room if drying loads of washing and I don’t dry it in my bedroom.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t just believe your husband. Why would he lie? It’s a bit mean tbh. He could bring some solutions I guess though.

KateHh · 05/01/2024 20:44

Literally slept in puddles 🤣 naked I assume 🤔 my husband is just as pathetic at times but about different things 🤣 I think it’s normal behaviour for men!

Victoria maiden 🤣🤣

cerisepanther73 · 05/01/2024 19:23

It's the fact the easily hyper sensitivity selectively offended by allmost anything brigade, are so po faced like they are sucking a lemon 🍋 with cats arse backside expression on their faces allmost constantly,
on endlessly quest a mission a self righteousness virtue 😄 signalling one to try to nit pick , analyse and find fault with anybody or anything that they hear about or come across..

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