Don’t want ex’s new partner to spend time with my children

This thread was posted in January. What made you post on it now?

Make sure you have lots of written records of you trying to find solutions to give him access as long as you can ensure she isn’t there so if this does escalate he can’t claim you unfairly seperated him from his kids. You’re not unreasonable though to want to keep someone who recently lost their own kids to social services away from yours.

“Your kids seeing her slap her child wouldn't be enough for me to think you should stop contact. (Much as I think it's terrible parenting, it's not been done to your kids).””
This statement by pp is very shortsighted.
kids witnessing the abuse of someone else is not ok and in some cases neglecting their emotional needs to feel and be safe. It’s likely very scary! It’s not ok and is definitely enough to stop contact.

Wow. Only neglect?!?! Not only that but he, as a father, finds someone attractive who has neglected her own children? Wow, wow, wow.

You're definitely doing the right thing. Also, from now on, make sure all communication with him is either via email or text so that you have proof of all of these shocking remarks as they will be invaluable if this escalates to a court case. I realise you likely can’t see him taking you to court for access - especially as you're prepared to find ways for him to safely see the kids. However you've no idea what could change in the near or far future. He's already taking you by surprise by his actions so who knows where this could end up. So don't speak to him on a call if at all avoidable.

You're doing the right thing. Hopefully he'll come to his senses. Please keep us updated.

That's good - kind of. Adds a lot of weight to your reasoning for restricting access.
The system is so fucking broken. There's a missing link, in fact several, in that there's no real opportunity for these kind of issues to be resolved; Other than in mediation which not only isn't advisable if there's ever been domestic abuse but also, can often make matters worse.
I'm shocked your ex finds a woman who evidently neglected her DC to some degree, as attractive... Mid life crisis or something!?
I would get a Solicitor and/or consider a report to Social Services. I did see that you've already obtained advice from them to no avail. However filing a report against him as the DC's mother is completely different and* they may* decide to look into it and contact him, given his partner's situation with them. Make sure you give your details though and that you don't do it anonymously. They're much more likely to act upon it though of course it's not guaranteed.
What a sad state of affairs in this country whereby you have to report your DC's DF to social services in order to have any concerns for your DC's safety & wellbeing taken seriously. Ridiculous.

Best of luck. Keep us updated

This is highly unlikely unless he agrees to it

The problem is, it's up to him who the DC see when they're with him. It's not really your business although I would probably think the same as you.
He is making very poor judgments though.
Sadly, as long as he tells any Judge or CAFCASS worker/Social Worker et al, that she will never be left alone with DC then there's absolutely no legal action that can be taken. The judge is only interested in the children's rights of access. They hear accusations like this and of the other parent "putting the kids in danger"/"being incompetent" etc etc etc alllllllllllllll the time. Every day,
They may order a CAFCASS Section 7 report which will give you an opportunity to say your concerns which will then be included in the report given to the judge but other than that, there's nothing you can do. It won’t meet the threshold for a prohibited steps order. A judge is very unlikely to stipulate who a child/children can or cannot see within a child arrangements order unless his new partner has a conviction related to child SA. Or is on the SO list. The only thing you can do, is whenever you discover that the DC are with him and his new partner, you can report him to SS or NSPCC and then they will decide whether it meets their threshold for investigation and/or they get in touch with him to strongly advise he not allow her around the DC - this could spook him enough to be successful.
With the above in mind, any judge or mediator brought into this is just going to look very unfavourably on you for restricting access. Perhaps suggest he visits DC at your house without new partner? As a form of 'supervised contact?'

Your children are of an age where their wishes and feelings are taken into consideration also..the court generally listen to children from 11 onwards. If they articulate themselves (not influenced by you) that they do not like his partner and don't want to see you that'll get factored into the child arrangements order. Your 15 year old won't be subject to a court order past 16 years old though so you should act quickly.
Definitely speak to a solicitor but a PSO is the wrong way to go as its almost redundant if its for her. It needs to be applicable to the person who has parental responsibility.

The prohibited steps order would stop their father from bringing the children into contact with her.
I think you are being entirely reasonable and I would offer contact as often as possible under supervision from a safe 3rd party. If you can't find one you both agree on there may be a child contact centre near you that takes personal referrals.

Also, I say this as someone who is currently going through the family court. Don't presume you'll be seen as the victim as you could indeed be vilified.

Your exes partner needs to prove demonstrable risk to your children. She needs to have already perpetrated emotional or physical harm.

To put in context, a person's past can not be very helpful in the family court..my ex has multiple charges for domestic abuse, he's known to social services for abusing his exes child, he's had two restraining orders, three if you include mine.... yet the court didn't think that was helpful enough to prevent contact.. perhaps that's because he's actually a father, but let me just tell you the bar is set very low in the family court.

I absolutely urge you to protect and safeguard your children but just managing your expectations if you're not familiar with the family court.

I'm not actually sure how you'd get a prohibited steps order though.. the prohibited steps order would be a restriction of parental responsibility and she doesn't have parental responsibility for your children. It would be applicable to your husband.
What you need is a child arrangements order where there is a recital that your children's father doesn't have contact with his children in the presence of his current partner.

Whatever you get needs to be applicable to your ex husband not his partner.

When I used to work in the community, the level of parental neglect/abuse that wasn't deemed severe enough to remove the children was heartbreaking. You're doing the right thing.

Will you be able to get a PSO to stop her seeing them?

I'm a foster carer.

Children are not taken into care unless there is a good reason. Children's Services generally try all they can to keep children with their parents unless there is a genuine risk!

While you wait to speak to a solicitor can you ring the NSPCC for advice?

If SS weren’t interested could it be that the reason for her DC’s removal mean that she isn’t a danger/risk to other children? Obviously most of us wouldn’t want our DC being in contact with her but unfortunately you might find that’s why SS weren’t bothered.

If a solicitor says there isn’t much you can do then try and appeal to your ex’s sensibilities and get him to agree to see your DD’s somewhere without her present. It’s a shitty situation op.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I feel sad for her children to be honest. I wouldn't want her behaviour to influence my own children, so I understand why you want to safeguard your own.

I'd even be mortified my kids watching other children be hit or slapped by another parent. That must be so confusing at that age if violence isn't part of their own home life. It must be confusing for any child full stop.

Hell no. He is minimising the situation. If her kids have been removed from her care, there is no way I would ever let my kids be around her because the risk is too high. Especially with their father being so cavalier and evasive about what's going on, plus as you have observed his obvious lack of holding her to any kind of parenting standard whatsoever even with her own kids. No, no, no.

Do your girls want to see their dad? I would've thought that the 15 year old at least would be allowed, if anything went to court, to make her own mind up.

Would it be possible for him to see them at, say, a restaurant/bowling alley type place without her being present? Obviously would depend upon him agreeing to this, and sticking to the rules.

You did the right thing; if someone has had their children removed then it’s obviously that they can’t keep their children safe so yours may not be safe either