To ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

'not appropriate', 'Oh God, no' 'wouldn't fly' 'shameful'
And jollywhite,s post is spiteful and ignorant.

I'm feeling more and more grateful for my own friends and family.

I would give them the choice. I'd say "we would love you to come back to our house for a drink, we are going to have a meal in between but this is only because family have insisted as we couldn't afford to pay for this. You are totally welcome to come along for the meal if you like but no pressure at all as I understand its not the norm for someone to pay for their own meal, it's just our circumstances right now but I still wanted you to have the choice and not exclude anyone". I dont think anyone could possibly take offence to the truth if put like that.

congratulations on the wedding! Im unsure if I find it unreasonable, I see both sides, however my friend ( Used to be much closer years back not so much now) had a wedding and asked people to pay think it was £35 was super tight on money so I just didnt go but if I had the money and was a close friend I would pay if under 50£

It’s no different to people having a destination wedding and telling their guests if they want to come they will have to book and pay themselves. If they are truly your friends they wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It’s a meal in a pub not a weekend affair or abroad I’m sure they won’t mind. Enjoy your day ☺️

How much are you hoping to spend and how many people are you planning to have?

I'd go straight for the buffet and then have a family meal the next day to celebrate. First meal as a married couple.

I agree with @jollywhite

I wouldn't bat an eyelid, if it's a real close friend that I love and I had the money I'd definitely be happy to be there and celebrate their happiness!

If you’re struggling, scale back and do what you can do well.

This wouldn't fly in my family. Cake and punch? We're not Mormons.

I agree

Get married if you want to, invite people to celebrate with you but you can’t hold a dinner and then ask them to pay. This is having your cake, eating it and asking others to pay.

@fml666 you don’t need a wedding to be married. If you’re really this skint, get married with some key witnesses and have a bite with them afterwards (you pay!) and then hold a gathering with cake and Prosecco or something for your friends

you can’t ask people to pay to attend your wedding.

Oh God, no. Please do not do this. Host a simple buffet at home if you need to. Or maybe some family members could organise this as your wedding present.
But as it stands, you're being entirely unreasonable. If you can't afford a wedding meal, don't have one.

Very true.
Also all the " omg people are soooo unreasonable, it's fine" posters are forgetting that different generations and cultures will have differing opinions.
In my culture it would be utterly shameful to even consider this,just no.
Providing hospitality, kindness and a good knees up to others is massive
My aunts would pass out 😂

From a boundaries point of view it leaves the Op open to others commenting on their finances, which would not sit well with me.

From an enjoying the day perspective wondering if everyone would pay,all the logistics etc would make me uncomfortable.

None of the above makes me or my relatives bad friends etc

I think the buffet for all is a much better idea. If your home isn’t big enough I’d hire a village or community hall. Ask all you family ( the ones who are happy to pay for meals / drinks in a hotel ) to bring food and drink. You can hire plates / glasses / cutlery etc.

If it’s an informal event then your guests wont feel they have to dress up. And presumably the bride and groom will be dressed casually, no wedding cars, fancy bouquets , low key honeymoon etc.

I think what DOES annoy people is being told it all on a budget and then seeing that the couple have splashed out on things for themselves while ignoring the comfort of their guests.

If you want a luxury wedding but have a small budget you need a tiny wedding.

YANBU - it’s fine as long as they know the score. We didn’t want the whole dinner thing so paid for an afternoon buffet and hired a small room in a hotel and everyone loved it.

i’m on the fence

whilst every wedding I’ve been to has provided a meal, I also would be happy to pay. As long as it wasn’t a ridiculously priced/unsuitable menu

its a slippery slope, cause some people may just choose the most expensive or picturesque option for their wedding if they’re not the one footing the bill. It could breed resentment and hamper the guest’s enjoyment of the night if they think the meal was too expensive or unpleasant etc.

Gosh no, I would never expect an invited guest to pay for themselves. People have their own financial problems and they shouldn't be expected to fork out for an expensive meal just because you choose to get married. They may already have to pay for wedding attire, travel expenses etc. Asking them to pay for their own food as well is just too much.

I think it's fine - it's not a "wedding" but clearly a meal out. It's what a friend of mine did too and it was totally ok. We went to a nice pub. No one baulked, I would rather pay for my dinner than miss out on celebrating a good friend's marriage!

Do you have a pub locally that does finger food?
I think would get that ( sausage, sandwiches, spring rolls, nuggets) for about €8 a head maybe a few balloons.
Everyone will get own drinks could have decent night circa 250 quid surely you would end up with some cash presents to cover costs. Pub might have bit music could get to dance.
I've been invited to those type of weddings and was delighted, less pressure and stress no formal RSVP due to low costs as a guest I've been able to afford give more as present.
Good luck enjoy it.

I wouldn't mind the fact you don't have money if you don't actually want to plan your dream wedding funded by me and the others. If that is the case I wouldn't go. I'm not here to fund your caprices.

Nothing wrong with your request if is a normal not very expensive meal book in advance with an agreed menu or different menus that people will enjoy in your company.

I think your case is the second so I think totally fine by me.

Absolutely fine, and very refreshing actually!

Oh I take that back, the last wedding I went to the B&G paid for everything. It was like a mini festival for 3 days. It was amazing and very generous of them.

I thought it was bad enough when someone I know had a wedding at a fancy hotel 4 years ago, and around a third of the guests - about 25 - had to stop over in the hotel because it was too far for them to travel, and they had to pay for their own room. 'Come to our wedding, have a room, but pay £250 for the room!' No wonder so many people can't be doing with other peoples weddings these days.

I don't think I've ever had my room paid for at a wedding, when I was part of the wedding party or as a regular guest.
It's not at all unusual for guests to stay overnight, and usually the B&M let them know of local accommodation, including the venue itself (which is often one of the more expensive options).

I think your plan sounds wonderful but will you not still be paying for the buffet? That could be quite expensive, no, with prosecco and everything on top?

Some people here are seriously getting on their high horse about it, but there's no one 'right' or 'good' way to have a wedding. Thinking of my own friends and family, I'd be able to talk to them all individually and just say 'we'd love you to come to the ceremony if you'd like, then we're planning on going to [relaxed pub/restaurant] for lunch but, much as we'd love to, you know we can't stretch to treating everyone.'

I think everyone I like enough to invite to my wedding would say either 'Of course, it'll be lovely to be there' or (more likely actually) 'Don't be daft, we'll all club together and pick up the bill as your wedding present.'

I can't imagine anyone thinking it's rude or doing a cats-bum-mouth about it. Maybe I'm extra-lucky with my friends and family.