To ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

Why not have the ceremony then head home for buffet and drinks with everyone? If you go for a meal most of them won’t want a buffet after. You’d also be paying for your meals then for buffet and drinks to provide at home. Skip the meal and the family that are so keen to celebrate with a meal can take you out on a different day to celebrate. It’s your day so you and DP decide what’s best for you

Ive been to a 40th birthday party where everyone was asked to bring a dish - there was a list with dishes and how many the dish should cater for. It worked really well. Not one person had to do much catering and there was a table at the venue to put the food upon when we arrived. The venue was a pub that didn't sell food so drinks were purchased at the bar.

Weddings to me should be about friends and family coming together to celebrate and bring food can be part of that

No harm in asking, just be honest but understanding it they decline. I'd avoid anywhere too expensive and make it local too.
Maybe make it clear no gifts are expected.

I think that it is perfectly acceptable to send an invite that makes it clear that the invite is to the wedding which is the event that is being celebrated. Add an extra note that says that after the ceremony you are going to x place for a drink and the cake and you'd love them to join you there. Say that after that some of you will be staying on with your families to eat a meal and that anyone who wants to join you will be very welcome but that sadly due to financial circumstances you can't pay but if they want to stay on there is a set menu (please keep it reasonable) and you would be happy for all/anyone to stay but totally their call as the main event is the wedding and the drink/cake afterwards

I think it’s fine, but I’d be super clear and give option to just meet for drink after. And make it easy to avoid difficulties. Like a set menu and they TRF money in advance, both so you’re not out of pocket and to avoid awkward bill splitting.

Why not just ask everyone to bring a dish?

I'm from an ethnic background where I think this is far more normalised to ask people to bring a pot of stew, someone brings the rice, someone else brings a barbeque or curry chicken etc etc.

And asking everyone to bring one thing they enjoy making anyway is actually really nice. You get to taste what everyone brings, talk about it, ask for a recipe, etc. It's less formal and more intimate. Just ask everyone back to yours to crash and celebrate and bring a dish and a good wish!

Honestly @fml666 if I was invited to a really good friend's wedding and they told me they were having a meal after at a local restaurant but they couldn't afford to pay for the meal - I would totally be fine with paying.

Friendship trump a £30 meal.

Just being upfront with people about the arrangements so they can decide whether to come to the meal or not is key.

I think a home buffet and drinks sounds ideal, and solves a lot of problems. Actually if you were friends of ours, we’d want to chip in with bringing a dish too xx

Depends on whether you think a) your friends can afford it and b) would say no if they can't.
Because you shouldn't put people in a position where they feel 'expectedly attend and pay if they can't afford it.

You could hire a hall and ask people to bring food? A lot cheaper for everyone, just a bit more work.

Hi

I personally wouldn't mind if I was asked to do this depending on how close the friend is. However, I couldn't ask my friends or family to pay and have decided not to plan our wedding until 2026 to save so we can feed everyone

I think it sounds great, and if you were my friend and I could afford it, I'd go. You said close friends, so presumably people you'd go out for meals with anyway. It would be different if you were expecting people to pay for a traditional wedding meal where no one knows half the people on their table/listening to endless toasts/not able to choose where you sit etc. if it's close friends I'd just ask without obligation.

I would be fine with this but only if the details were explained. Say you planned to just do a small ceremony as you couldn't afford any extra but your family wanted to go for a meal after and said they would pay to make this doable. Then say, we would love you to come but as the budget doesn't stretch it would need to be paid for by yourself. Then maybe say to consider it your wedding gift or something!

Just talk to them. Tell them you're having a small wedding and then going out for a meal afterwards with a few family members and close friends but that everyone is paying for themselves, it's not a reception as such. You'd love it if they'd join you but you quite understand if they can't make it. Then they'll probably either say "Ooh, lovely, yes please" or "Sorry, we've got something on that day, hope it all goes well". There needn't be any drama.

This!

I think it's all in the wording.
And given its close friends I'd speak with them rather than issuing formal invites I'd speak with them.

We can't afford a big wedding, but are going for dinner after the register office everyone is paying their own, you're welcome to join us but we are doing nibbles and drinks back at the house later.

I'd only object if the couple had flash lifestyles and plenty of money...then I'd think they were cheeky fuckers.

Buffet and drinks back at yours and maybe dinner with family the week before assuming they live relatively close by.

In fact if a friend of 50 stated we don't want present but your presence, and here is the menu can you pay for your meal instead - id think it was a great idea - the meal is likely to be less than the present anyhow.

Is that something you could consider?

I know someone who did this and it went down like a bucket of cold sick.

There is no solution everyone will approve of.
So your choices are - get a meal with those who want and can join you, potential miss some who can't and offend those who value some abstract principles over your friendship.
Or - don't go for a meal with anyone, to avoid offending those who would choose to be offended with option one.

I would second choosing a nice, but less formal and less expensive place for the meal.

Enjoy your wedding!

I was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance, along with my 2 ds and it was stated in the invited how much the meal was and I needed to make our meal choices. It would have been £75 ish pound for us and tbh I didn't know them very well so I declined, by the time id have sourced clothing for the boys etc and id have worn an old outfit - a present it'd have been £150

had it been a friend id have done it without hesitation - it was clear I was footing my own bill and im fine with that as its up front an honest

Then they decline, just as they would for a wedding that was all paid for but 200 miles away, or black tie when they didn't have the outfits, or on a weekday when they couldn't spare the annual leave.

I would be completely fine with it as long as it is made clear. I also would want to be at the ceremony of a close friend and wouldn’t want them not inviting me just because they felt odd about asking me to pay for my own meal.

That's a great idea. I don't think a gift should be expected when guests are having to pay for their own meal.