To ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

If you can’t afford it then by all means do something small with just witnesses. Then celebrate afterwards where people pay which is more acceptable. Asking guests to contribute towards the actual wedding day is a no.

@Ericaequites

Cut your coat to fit your cloth. If you can’t afford to pay for dinner, serve punch, cake, and sparkling wine only. Asking people to pay for their meals is not appropriate

Completely agree with this. You have the wedding and celebrations you can afford.

My two favourite weddings have been this style. My second one where we did this (and covered the bill) and my friends wedding where we covered our meal. They were ace! Really chilled experiences, got to pick what food I ate and it was just a celebration of marriage without all the pomp and ceremony.

1000x this!

My best bit about a wedding is seeing someone actually get married. So would prefer to be at the registry office, than just turn up at your house to have nibbles and a drink in the evening.

Is there a nice, reasonably priced restaurant near the registry office?

Really? You'd pay for all drinks all night?

I think your last idea was the best; scrap the meal and have a finger buffet with drinks at your house.

To be honest it's much better value for the guests than a wedding in Ibiza/Barbados where guests have to pay for a whole holiday yet they get the wedding food for free!

@MorrisZapp put it exactly right - I LOVE you

I think it’s fine. I find it very odd how there are very different social conventions for different events eg if you invited ten friends on a hen do then it would absolutely be expected that they’d all pay for themselves and it is even quite common for the hens to split the cost of the bride attending too. No one bats an eyelid at that or says “if you invite them on a weekend away then it’s cheeky to ask them to pay, you should be paying for it yourself”. So why is it the opposite rule for a wedding day? Only thing I’d do is make sure I chose somewhere not too expensive. People might not be able to afford to come if it’s going to cost £50+ per head. Invite them and if they don’t want to spend the money then they’ll say no, simple.

I think it's perfectly fine, lovely even, as long as its clear that they are invited but can decline, that they aren't subsidising anyone else and that you don't expect a gift as well.
Most people end up spending a fortune on gifts outfits transport and accommodation....just to get a "free" meal
And informal celebration with no pressure is fine.

Uh really?!? Mumsnet is not representative of real life that much is obvious. Expecting people to pay to attend a wedding?!?!

The only thing I will warn you about is splitting the bill. I was at one party like this and people had calculators out adding up what they had and there was still a £200 deficit at the end. There were drinkers and non drinkers, it all got very awkward. The hotel could have a set price meal which would be great and then everyone just goes to the bar for drinks.
Personally I would do the buffet idea but that could cost you more in the long run unless you ask people to bring food which I would find hard to do.

I’d rather be invited to the wedding and pay for a meal than be an after thought at the cake/drinks at home. Feels like a late arrival.

This is a great idea - hire a village hall

Just NO! OP wants to save money and hassle and not organise Aunty Janet’s favorite sponge cake or Uncle James who can’t cook!

At least everyone can order their own food at the pub.

I would love to be invited to that! Ifijdsome of these 'ooohhhh not the done thing' responsesto be really sad. To rather stickwith some outdated covention than have the day you want with the friends you want. Find thepotential venue and the set mealcost, spend the potential buffer cost on a few bottles of wine - and tell your friends that you would love them to come to the day, including cominng on to dinner at x place at y cost if they can. Agree that sounding out the closest friendsfirst will give you a better idea of how your group will feel about it than a bunch of randoms on the internet

There is a really big range of income in my friendship group and I can't think of a single person who wouldn't be absolutely delighted to be invited to another friends wedding meal and happy to pay. Honestly, if they are close friends I can't see the issue.

Nope can’t do this. Terrible idea irritating how people expect others to want to attend a wedding enough to pay!

In that situation I wouldn’t mind paying for food to celebrate with a close friend. If you were inviting 120 people at an exclusive venue and having a wedding with all the bells and whistles then I’d be seriously pissed off at being ask but for a small intimate wedding I think it’s fine.

This is a great idea - hire a village hall.

I am sure people would love to contribute

Oh god MN is mental. Thread after thread bemoaning expensive, over the top weddings, destination travel, extravagant themes, hen nights etc.

But a low key celebration in a local venue has the etiquette crew reaching for the smelling salts, because of a a meal payment. You'd drive two hundred miles and stay in the Bristol Premier Inn for twatty Sandra's wedding but your close friend having a local meal is a no go because you have to PAY FOR IT.

What kind of empty, hollow person would rather miss their close friends wedding than pay for an ordinary dinner out?

If they’re close friends and they know of your situation I think asking them and making it clear you’re upset about not being able to afford it but would love to have them around as long as pay for themselves then it’d be fine. To be honest sometimes I’ve given a present that I wished I hadn’t anyway in a wedding so I think if close friends were in this position I’d more than happy pay for my meal

I think it's a bit crap TBH. And I say this as domeone who's wedding cost about £500. We eloped.
My sister didnt elope, but hired a registry office and village hall and hired a van to do a booze run to France to buy mountains of beer and wine, and provided the food too, and her wedding cost £2000.
Weddings are a hassle to attend (hotels, accommodation, childcare, dog sitters) and I wouldn't bother if I was paying for my meal.

I would do this for a friend, because I’d want to celebrate their union.

I don’t think YABU.

Or you could do the ceremony buffet on one day and family celebration meal on another

If the meal is optional then it's fine to ask people to pay. For example "I'd love for you to attend my wedding, starts at ...., followed by a couple of complimentary drinks and snacks. Afterwards we are heading to .... for a meal and drinks this will be £... per head if you would like a dinner but its completely optional"

I don't think its necessary to explain things are tight, people can put 2 and 2 together.