To ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

I was originally going to say YABU but since it's not a formal wedding venue and instead some pub grub at a local hotel, I'd say it's fine.

Are they invited to the ceromony at the registry office?

Remember this is MN, not your friends.

You know your friends. Your friends love you and want the best for you. And want to celebrate with you. If you feel that way, then it's likely your friends do too. We often make friends with those similar to us.

There are some weird people with weird thoughts on MN. Listen to you and your gut over MN opinion.

Asking others to pay at your wedding meal is crass, regardless of the "circle". I have never been asked to pay for a wedding meal in my life and I am very far removed from "rich" circles!

Your idea of a ceremony and then back to yours for a party sounds terrific to me, I love a wedding that is that relaxed, intimate and special!

If you can get a later slot in the afternoon and it is a relaxed smart/casual attire do, then even better. A marriage is a special day to spend celebrating with family and friends and you don't need to spend a fortune to do that! It is the people you spend it with that make the day not all the expensive bells and whistles.

Think it through then tell you family/friends what you want, don't let their well intentioned suggestions confuse your plans/budget and have a great day!

Oh course it’s fine. It’s not like you’re having a big lavish wedding then serving up hotdogs- this is far worse than your situation imo.

No friend would mind this.

congratulations

One of the best weddings I went to was for a couple who had a simple service in a local church, then hired the village hall for afterwards. Family and friends decorated it and every guest brought a dish (no present rule - just bring a dish and a bottle of what you'd like to drink).
Even dogs were allowed!
It was lovely and they are still married many years later.

You know your friends and family best.

It's your big day and you decide what happens.

However there are quite a few suggestions on this thread that I would consider.

I wouldn’t have done this myself however at the same time if a close friend explained to me the situation I’d be completely fine with it. As others say as I’d emphasise that as they’re paying for their meal you don’t expect gifts or a strict dress code (ie spending £££ on outfit).

We had a very small wedding and had a two to three course meal (depending on the person) at and bought drinks for 15 people. Bonus was it was at a rural country pub with stunning views. Our ‘reception’ cost about £650 in all. Bargain IMO.

If I were your friend I'd be happy to pay and sad if you thought you couldn't imvite us just because of cost.

I think it's absolutely fine. I would be happy to do this for close friends x

If you decide to do fizz, cake and snacks this would be the perfect wedding in my view. I hate the hanging around, the speeches, the endless dinner courses and formality.. A twinkly drinks party sounds awesome to me.

Ditch the celebratory dinner and ask the family members who offered to pay to pitch in a bit towards food/room hire costs, and ask everyone to bring their own drinks and celebrate.

People go to weddings for the people, not for the food, and everyone will save loads by buying their drinks from the supermarket.

Fine by me, I’d be happy to pay for my own meal as long as the cost was reasonable. I’d say to everyone absolutely no need to bring a gift as you realise that it’s not the norm to ask people to pay for their own meal but funds don’t allow you to pay for them but you wanted to invite them but fully understand if they would rather not come or just come for drinks

Tbh I think many people would be relieved to just attend the ceremony and go back to the house for festive mingling, toasts, a glass and a slice of cake. Have some nice jazz music or something on in the background from a phone and bluetooth speaker, and away you go. Nice couple of hours and then job done.

Those who feel like partying can tag along to the pub. Would it be a private room or just catch-as-catch-can in terms of seating at the pub? Or restaurant..

Yes that's a really nice way of putting it.

I mean, I wouldn't mind paying for my own meal at all but this is just a nice elegant way of putting it & people can still choose to buy small gifts if they would like to.

Why would that be a guest's only cost? Just because it's a register office doesn't mean people won't have other costs e.g. hair do, nails, etc.

I've been to many a wedding, big and small - there're always costs as a guest.

My cousin couldn’t afford a lavish wedding and didn’t want to get into debt for it, they had a wedding ceremony at 6pm with close family then had a wedding party for other family and friends at 7.45pm with a buffet , dj and cake where everyone danced the night away!

one of the best wedding celebrations we have been to.

i wouldnt ask or expect guests to pay for their own meal, I’d rather budget and keep my numbers to parents only to pay for their meals.

If they are friends then I doubt they would mind paying for themselves. They can order seperately and pay their bill when it comes. Don't get all the people on the thread that expect to pay for everything if inviting others out. I wouldn't expect to pay but then I'd arrange it so that everyone knew that in the first place.

I think it's fine as long as you let people know. I went to a wedding like yours once and I was happy to get my own food, as we had that expectation. It was a lovely day!

I'd just make the whole wedding super relaxed. If you get the vibe right, you can totally get away with this.

Stress that you want to get married in a super low key way with your nearest and dearest, so guests should come in what they are comfortable wearing, and it's OK for that to be jeans and a t-shirt if so inclined rather than morning dress or something fancy! As you're not having a big do, you're not doing gifts, but anyone who wants to join you for a meal afterwards can pre-pay their set menu order at a cheap and cheerful trattoria by sending £XXX to your bank account, details below. Say you know it's not traditional, but as your loved ones, you know they'll understand that you just want to get married and don't really care about a big shindig.

I'm not a fan of weddings, but I'd definitely go to something chill like the above and not bat an eyelid at paying for my meal.

If a friend asked me to pay for my meal I would be more than happy to, if they aren't then they are not a close friend.

If they're close friends you should be able to explain the situation to them, make it clear you won't be offended if they don't come to the meal but you'd love to have them there if they want to, etc. Most close friends will be sympathetic to each other's financial situation. FWIW I would happily pay for my own dinner at the wedding of a good friend. But agree with PPs you'd need to be really clear as it's not the norm.

I wouldn't ask people to pay. But I'm not getting this 'ensure they know they don't have to get you a gift' milarky

As if one trumps the other

If it was the wedding of someone close to me and a meal I’d want to go to, I’d be happy to pay for my own dinner!

What a great saying

No, it's going to be a sit down dinner.