Why won't my 20 month old settle for bed before 9ish

Head massages are great for helping them to drop off. Lyndsey Hookway suggests starting bedtime so that they fall asleep about 15-20 mins after settled in bed, about the same time as they fell asleep the previous night. Once this shorter routine is established, then start moving bedtime earlier. Once you get to the point where it's taking half an hour or more for them to settle to sleep, you've found the right bedtime.

Our lives got much easier when we realised ds (and dd to a lesser extent just didn't need much sleep). A one hour nap by 18 months, dropped by two. It took months and months of him waking at 2 and going back for a nap at 5 before we realised that if he went to bed at 10, he'd sleep all the way through until about 6.30. I operated better on 7 hours of unbroken sleep.

Even as a teenager, I never had to wake him up for school.

He's 30 now, still needs minimal sleep. It came in useful during the clubbing, festival and PhD days.

Average night sleep is 10-11hrs and total sleep 11-14. So I'd start by looking at what time they're waking for the day and see whether they are getting less than 10hrs overnight. If they are, the nap may be too long. They only need so much sleep - you can't control how much as it varies by child (at that age mine needed 12hr total and now only 11 at 2.5). You can only tweak how it's spread out.

What time is he awake in the morning? If you want him asleep earlier you may need to wake him earlier or cut the nap shorter.

Try starting bath at 8 /8.15 and see how that goes.

He’s a night owl, I guess. DD was similar.

What about a CD player or similar playing a lullaby CD? DD had this for years.

@mrsalice2022 im also reading old posts looking for hope as my 20 month old has been having at least 1 hour long bedtimes for about 2 months now 🫠
Im considering just leaving him up tomorrow night to see if he just prefers a later bedtime like some have suggested

I know this is an old thread but just wondered if there’s light at the end of the tunnel? I’m having very similar issues as you were @moonsh … my 20 month old is taking 1-1.5 hours to fall asleep. I’m on my own and am not getting downstairs until 9.30+ to start my evening/do jobs! Feeling exhausted.

Both of my boys (7 and 2) are still awake. I'm just settling the 2 year old now.

It's hell but my eldest has always needed a later bedtime and my youngest seems to be the same. There's no point trying to put them to bed before 9/9:30 as they just won't sleep.

No solutions - just solidarity.

6 year old DD is exactly the same as this. I've accepted it now but I mourned my evenings for so long! What is great is that she is so adaptable during holidays or special occasions when we stay out late.

makes Me laugh how some people suggest comforting your child LESS to try and get them to sleep more?

it’s biologically normal to sleep with our children. It is only in this part of the world in which we try and separate mother and baby.

I do toddler childcare and have never had a 20 month old who did less than a 2.5 hour nap, so I don’t think the nap is too long.

Personally I’d work on letting LO settle themselves. Having you there might make staying awake way more interesting.

@moonsh personally, I would start your bedtime routine much earlier, around 5pm? shock!!

other info

https://www.pampers.co.uk/toddler/development/article/20-month-old

How do you all stop your kids from napping?

Can't seem to edit my post but you might find this post (and whole account) helpful, as I have.

Lyndsey Hookway on Instagram - sleep needs

Mine wouldn’t sleep before 9/10pm if he’d had any more than 30min for a nap at that age. He also needed a good 7ish hours between waking from nap and going to bed. He dropped his nap just after turning 2yo and started a 7pm bedtime which was blissful as prior to that the earliest we could get him down was 8pm on a good night.

Yes! My older two were very much like this, too.

Little one's still a 5mo baby so we'll see.

Possibly, but that's not what OP is asking in their post. OP is asking about nap length and why bedtime might be 9pm.

Change evening habits. Better routine where you aren't with him.

Get plenty of daylight. Lots of exercise. Must get daylight for circadian rhythm.

No screens at all. Same sleep and wake time every day. Never ever allow lie ins.

Did you mean to sound so judgemental?

She might want to eat dinner/spend some of the evening with her DH/ have a bath/watch TV/read a book. She may have other children who also need her attention.

Also my kid that did this is inclined towards a later bed time still now (9 going on 10). It’s just the way she is.

I don’t think children are quite as standardised as the books / experts make us think.

My youngest dropped her nap at this age. Felt very early but it stopped the impossible bed times where she would not go to sleep.

The nap is probably too long, I'd also start to work on him sleeping on his own sp you don't have to stay with that whole time, that also may be part of the problem

Have you actually tried letting him settle alone?

Why should OP stop lying with their child to help them sleep?

Sorry, this was supposed to be in response to @Freshstarts24 suggestion.