Do not want to look after someone's DC

Good lord give me five minutes in a room with your dh. I'll tell him.

You could offer this as a service @pictoosh. There are many husbands who could do with a 5 minute talking to, you’d make a fortune.

Even more if you extend it to other family members and neighbours.

Well I think it's just awful, not only is op not happily accepting the role of Nanny to 6 yo at dhs behest, there's not the slightest inclination of her and the teens to offer to help out further, housework, shopping, laundry. A good faaaammily member would already be doing this, while also collecting the laundry to do while they pick up the 6yo. Tish tosh op #bekind 😆😆😆
Scary thing is, some posters clearly think the above!!

Your husband enjoys being the hero cool uncle who can help out and save the day whilst leaving you to do the actual work.
Maybe explain to your husband-that all the actual childcare gets left to you to. It's unfair on your own children who naturally don't have that much in common with a much younger kid and if he wants to offer sleepovers etc -he has to be the one to do look after the child.
Also maybe worth explaining to the nephew's wife that your kids are very fond of "cousin" but as older kids have other interests and it ends up being you taking care of him.
We really love him but honestly I am quite busy with all my own responsibilities...
Good luck

Have you pointed out to your Dh that he is offering childcare but leaving you to do it, @howan ?Why does he think that’s reasonable? Ask

him what he’d do if you said he’d spend the weekend doing gardening or decorating at your family member’s house??

I'd let him book a sleepover then take the kids and go do your own sleepover at your mums..

So your DH agrees to looking after the child then leaves all the actual childcaring responsibilities to you? Sod that for a game of soldiers!

I'd be making excuses to go out every single evening he agrees to babysit this child from now on. If he wants them to stay, he has to do the hard graft.

While I agree the NIL is a CF for offloading their child so regularly, it's definitely more of a DH problem!

Show him this thread OP!

He KNOWS it is SHE not him that is lumbered with the work, assuming he isn't actually thick. He doesn't care...that's what women are for, they should WANT to do it.
Like a right arsehole.

Have you spelled out that it is YOU, not him, that is lumbered with all the work? If so, what does he think to that? If not, spell it out. But not before you've told him that as you are both adults, you require him to have an adult conversation about this rather than huffing off.

I just had a talk with DH about it again, and he's gone downstairs in a huff, as, apparently, I am 'insensitive and selfish'! 🤬

Right, make it clear that if HE allows the child to stay, HE does all the running around, making up beds, preparing meals, entertaining him with playtime, trips to park etc, because you will be busy doing stuff with your DC. If he refuses, tell him he's being 'insensitive and selfish' towards HIS family!

Stand your ground, OP. A six year old needs minding, so it must take up much of your weekend having them over! Poor kid, and poor you. I hope your DH sees sense and is a bit more appreciative of what you've done for his family to date.

And just at the stage where your own kids have become more independent and you can have some freedom back.

Good lord give me five minutes in a room with your dh. I'll tell him.

If your dh is so bothered about looking after this child maybe he should do it every weekend! Go out….plan other things or just chill in the house and let him do all the work. If he’s so adamant you help then he can do it. Fuck being called selfish. Typical man leaving all the care to you when he’s the one agreeing to it….thats selfish. How dare you not want to look after another child! Arsehole!!

Unbefuckinglievable!

The audacity of your husband to decide you will childmind his relative's six year old on demand and without complaint.
I don't know what to say except if it were me, that simply would not be happening. And I do mean that...people type big words on here about what they would do and it's often sheer bravado and fantasy. On this one I am being completely real. I would never agree to this. He'd be sent packing.

He is being totally unreasonable...the very epitome of 'selfish and insensitive'. He thinks you're a service at his and his bloody nephew's disposal. How very fucking rude indeed.

Hmm that comment was to @Wanna17 . How about it wanna? 3 young dc, every week from Mon to Tues. I will be pissed off if you won’t put yourself out here.

Does he then? Hey, my brother has 3 dc, I suggest you look after them every week from Monday to Tuesday. If you object, I’m clearly MUCH nicer than you because I’m happy for you to help my brother with his children, I think it’s a great idea and he’s struggling so really you owe it to him. You’re clearly not nice at all as you aren’t happy to help!
that’s what the dh is doing here- volunteering other peoples effort to be helpful instead of helping himself. Hes not nice, he’s a selfish twat with no respect for his wife.

The nephew needs to step up and help HIS OWN wife and child

Your DH sounds much nicer than you and your children!

@Wanna17 wow, this is CFery of the highest order! You sound as bad as the nephew's wife and OP's husband! Of course he sounds nicer, he's just volunteering to help by making his wife do the work.

Why on earth should OP have to give up every weekend to look after the child of someone who can't be bothered to parent their own child? If Op's husband makes the offer, let him do the work while OP and her teenagers go out for some R&R.

As your husband is so keen he gets to do all the looking after this kid! I bet his enthusiasm wanes quite quickly!

@Codlingmoths is he interested to know how much childcare the h does for his own children.

I'd be pissed off of my h was looking after someone else's child so often because just having the child in the house impacts on everyone else. Even if he did do all the childcare. Does that mean OP gets to do everything for their shared dc by default? It also means they have to factor in that child to their own plans - it does change the dynamic of the family.

@Nanaof1 It's not even parenting. It's shifting child to anyone else.

Really think early help is required.

Just stop looking after the DC unless you actually want to. Your husband is the one arranging this, and if he wants to care for his DN he can, but it doesn't place any obligation on you.

Tell him in advance if you think that'll stop him in his tracks, otherwise let him learn the hard way.

Why should OP do it when her husband refuses to look after his nephew’s child? Why is it OP’s job?

He doesn’t want to babysit the child himself, he wants OP to do it!

Do you see it as a woman’s job?

Why should OP have her?!

And, of course, my DH leaves all the care of a child to me.
I just had a talk with DH about it again, and he's gone downstairs in a huff, as, apparently, I am 'insensitive and selfish'! 🤬

What a dickhead.

Based on this OP, i think you should refuse to EVER take care of his nephew’s niece. Even in an emergency.

No playdates, no babysitting, no sleepovers, nothing.

If DH wants the child over leave him to take care of her. Don’t feed her, entertain her or anything else.