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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do not want to look after someone's DC

466 replies

howan · 03/01/2024 18:35

My DH's family member has 2 DCs. Second just turned 1 and is, obviously, hard work, so she v ofter 'organises' sleepovers AT OUR HOUSE for her older DC, who is 6 and lovely, but I am fed up with looking after them! DH thinks that it is 'lovely for cousins to spend time together' ( they are not even cousins!), but our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end. DH just announced that the child will be coming this Friday and i have just texted the mother that we are going to see my family, so that will not be possible. Mother texted back that 'the child is very upset'. Honestly, I don't give a damn 😤 No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now? AIBU to say no every time from now on? My DC are not interested in having their little ' cousin' for sleepover, either.

OP posts:
Cowhen · 03/01/2024 19:20

Harvestfestivalknickers · 03/01/2024 19:01

Ahh sorry your DC is upset, mine say they they'll come over to yours next weekend. What time suits?

😁Love it!

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 03/01/2024 19:19

Good grief no, why on earth would you do that?

HateMyselfToo · 03/01/2024 19:18

If he wants to look after his 6yr old relative then he can crack on, but he doesn't get to volunteer your, or your DC's, time without consulting you.

2024IWillBeNurturingMe · 03/01/2024 19:18

If your DH is so keen to help, he can drive over to their house and spend all day there amusing the DC and helping out with chores.

DragonMama3 · 03/01/2024 19:18

It's totally unacceptable. Ask why we have to help? Surely the 14 yr old has mocks?

Daysie · 03/01/2024 19:17

No way would I do this - even more of a no way if dh or sil arranged it!

DragonMama3 · 03/01/2024 19:16

An extra child costs more. Shes taking the wee wee.

SecondHandFurniture · 03/01/2024 19:16

Jeez. What relation even is she if not a sister (given they aren't cousins?) I could understand him wanting to help a stressed sibling but not someone more distant, his own cousin or a very young auntie!

DragonMama3 · 03/01/2024 19:15

You know it is the OP doing the childcare. Say no and mean it. They're both CF

TiaraBoo · 03/01/2024 19:15

Tell DH and family member your DC are out for their own sleepovers or just out.
Remind DH you’re getting your life back and you can go out together. Book something asap!
If anyone asks why DC weren’t out - shrug your shoulders and say you know what teenagers are like 🤷‍♀️ (apologies to all non flaky teens)

tiredmama23 · 03/01/2024 19:13

Who looks after the kid when he's over, you or DH? If the latter, let him crack on and you go out and have a nice day🤷‍♀️ If it's expected that you will look after the kid, it's a big FUCK that (well that'd be my reply anyway 😂)

DragonMama3 · 03/01/2024 19:13

Does she need Children's Services?

Daleksatemyshed · 03/01/2024 19:13

How lovely that your DH wants to help because in future you should let him do all the work of caring for the 6 year old. I better the cheeky bugger says you should help meaning exactly that - you get to do all the childcare.

GabriellaMontez · 03/01/2024 19:11

So you're not really going to your mum's on Friday?

Your dh is totally unreasonable. Start being unavailable. See how much he likes helping when it's him doing it.

Make some arrangements. Don't tell him. Don't be there.

Leeds2 · 03/01/2024 19:11

If DH insists that the 6 year old has a sleepover this weekend, take your DC to visit your family and leave him home alone with the little one. Stay over at your family member's house, and don't get back until late the following day. Do this every single time. Or go out of the house and stay out for as long as possible. It won't be easy at first, and you absolutely shouldn't have to do it, but I bet it will soon stop the visits.

PieAndLattes · 03/01/2024 19:10

Send your two over! ‘Hi Sandra, we always have the pleasure of Barry’s presence at ours for sleepovers so I thought we’d return the favour and let Bertha and Arnold go to yours for the weekend so you could get to experience all the fun. Bertha hates cheese and Arnold is obsessed with Warhammer, so you should have an exciting and interesting evening. We’ll drop them on Friday at 6pm and pick them up on Sunday at 3pm. They’re really excited!’

HanSB · 03/01/2024 19:09

It's your husband who is the problem. I would just go out and do my own thing, the teens are likely busy with their friends at the weekend anyway. If he wants to babysit the 6 yo let him have at it. I'm sure the novelty of looking after the child by himself will quickly wear off! To be honest I would send a frank message saying that your teenagers are out with friends every weekend and you and DH are going to make the most of your child-free time so cannot babysit going forwards.

GoingRoundInOvals · 03/01/2024 19:07

Harvestfestivalknickers · 03/01/2024 19:01

Ahh sorry your DC is upset, mine say they they'll come over to yours next weekend. What time suits?

Oh, this. Just this

Faceache45 · 03/01/2024 19:05

Your DH is the problem. He's arranging stuff without consulting you. I wouldn't want my niece and nephew every weekend. I'd be happy to do it once every other month. I certainly wouldn't do it at all if I was being volunteered without any discussion.

LadyBird1973 · 03/01/2024 19:05

And the above text from a pp about prioritising your own dc is excellent. I'd send that to the mum and tell h that you are doing so.

airforsharon · 03/01/2024 19:04

howan · 03/01/2024 18:58

12 and 14y are DH and mine DCs. My DH wants to help his family member by bringing their (family member's) 6yo child to our house for a sleepovers almost every w/end. The child is lovely, but I am fed up with looking after him so often. From now on I will refuse every single time.

Show quote history

This is a classic case of 'give someone an inch and they take a mile' OP. The more babysitting you've done, the more she wants you to do. Beyond cheeky.

Agree with other posters, if your DH is so keen to help let him crack on - you and your DCs go out and about and please yourselves.

LadyBird1973 · 03/01/2024 19:03

You have a husband problem!

Tell him under no circumstances is he to agree to this again, without prior discussion and agreement from you. And if he does, then you have serious issues. They are both absolutely taking the piss - her for offloading her child and your husband for volunteering your time without your consent!

I would absolutely refuse to lift a finger to help him. If you can afford it, I'd be inclined to take my kids to a hotel every weekend that he pulls this shit.

I'm mad on your behalf!

Harvestfestivalknickers · 03/01/2024 19:01

Ahh sorry your DC is upset, mine say they they'll come over to yours next weekend. What time suits?

Original poster
howan · 03/01/2024 19:00

GabriellaMontez · 03/01/2024 18:39

Why did you text her about Friday? He made the arrangement. Let him un make it.

Don't make his life easier, while he's making yours harder.

I texted her because my DH would have just left everything as it is and child would have been brought to our house on Friday. DH thinks that it is 'fine' and we 'have to help'.

OP posts:
Liveandforget · 03/01/2024 18:59

Well done for texting back and saying no. At last, someone who stands up to cheeky entitled people.

Her child being upset is on her. maybe the mother will learn not to arrange sleepovers without checking with you beforehand.