Do not want to look after someone's DC

Tell you husband it's not fair on your dc or you. If he wants to look after dn that's fine but he's on his own.

It's reasonably to put your foot down and say no, or to go out have fun and leave him with the responsibility of looking after this child.

Just as your children are getting to an independent age why on earth would your husband think you’d want to look after someone else’s younger child all the time! No way.

I’m glad you’re putting your foot down now OP, for your own kids’ sake.

Different circumstances, but I remember when my Grandad’s dementia was really deteriorating and he basically needed 24/7 supervision. Our dad wanted my then late teens sister and I to stay with him for 2 weeks while him and my uncle went on their separate summer holidays (arranged without checking dates with each other…)

My mum, who normally just let dad get on with things for an easy life, really put her foot down. Said it was up to him if he didn’t want to seek professional help for his dad, but he wasn’t palming him off on two teenagers who had no experience of care giving and who wouldn't have a clue what to do if their was an emergency with both dad and uncle out of the country.

Dad copped on and got things rearranged, but I never forgot that from my mum. Your own kids are being forced into a quasi-caring arrangement here, which I can only imagine will intensify as they get older and can babysit their “cousin”, and even their younger sibling, on their own.

I wondered this? Am sure op said not an actual relation?

What does the 6 year old think of it? My almost 6yo loves his (NOT weekly) sleepovers at granny’s/aunty’s house but no way would he want to go every weekend.

If the child is upset why don't you offer to send yours to hers lol

I think the problem is that if you leave your husband alone then he may just fob the younger child off on your older children and go do his own thing somewhere else in the house. Your children may be unhappy and he may just tell them they're being selfish because they don't want to play with someone half their age. I think the way you do this is, ohmygoodness, Friday night, I forgot little Lilith was coming over, whatapity that me, James, and Veronica all have to go to a minigolf party to which she's not invited. Whatashame. Hopefully you can entertain her by playing with her favorite dolls and helping her to bedazzle all your clothes. Havefunbyeeeee!!!

Tee hee, you have to say this sometime! 😂

As your husband is so keen to help i assume he does everything for the 6yr old when he's with you?

Why does this family member need so much help?

You’re right to have decided to decline every time. The relative sounds very entitled by her response of saying her child was upset. Why would she communicate that to you and try to guilt trip you when you had her kid over a few days before? Ridiculous and ungrateful.

You definitely have a husband problem though, he’s deciding for the whole household that this child should stay regularly and I bets he leaves you to do most of the childcare? If he is that bothered he should step up and offer to take this child out for a fun activity every now and again. He can invite your DCs too, although most likely they won’t want to come. No reason for him to be imposing the poor kid on you and their much older ‘cousins’.

Also the relative has two kids reasonably far apart in age, she and whoever else is responsible for them will just have to learn how to handle both of them.

You have a DH problem. If he wants to babysit he can go ahead and do so but you don't need to and your dcs don't need to entertain a 6 year old either. I would be leaving DH to it for the duration of the sleepover. He offered to babysit you did not. Go out with your friends, see your family, go to a film with your dcs do anything but babysit.

I put my foot down with DH a few months ago when he offered to "babysit" for a family member. Given he was going to be at work at the time I was going to be left babysitting plus caring for our 3 dcs (one who is disabled). I simply did not want to care for another DC when I have 3 myself. DH was promptly told that I would not be babysitting for anyone elses child particularly as the family member had never reprocieted all the previous babysitting I had done for them. End of discussion from my point of view.

Honestly, go out and let your DH deal with it. It'll soon stop.

@howan

I suggest if your DH agrees to this again (and I'm sure he will) that you leave before the child arrives and either stay the night with a friend/relative or check in to a hotel for the night. I'd also give the option to your two DC. They can come with you or stay home as they choose.

Let your DH be left home alone to entertain the 6 year old.

Bloody hell she's dropping him off nearly once a week? Absolute piss take and good on you for putting your foot down.

I agree with PP that it's good to see someone deal effectively with a CF! Now it's 'just' a matter of getting through to your husband that you don't owe this relative of his free childcare on a regular basis (or ever). I'd ask him why you never received any of this assistance, when your own children were young, since apparently it's something that 'needs' to happen for his relative.

Does the relative not have a husband or partner or her own to pick up the slack? No closer family? If he wants to help her (assuming he's already fulfilling his responsibilities at home and with his own kids), he's welcome to volunteer his own time, but not yours or your children's.

You keep saying "I" and he says "we" so who's actually doing the childcare?

Personally I'd just say yes that's fine then on the night say oh yes, I'm sure I mentioned I'm going out to Sonia's tonight. Oh o thought I told you ot was the girls weekend? Actually I'm taking the kids for a late movie and it's a 12.

Basically, keep leaving the kid with the person who's offering to babysit. Reckon he'll soon stop.

Agree with the posters saying set a limit 1 a month at most but, more likely 1 every 2 months.

Your dh is keen to help. Great. He can go to their house and babysit while they are out or help when they are there. Or he can take their dc out for the day. Lots of options he can do that don't involve the dc being dumped on you and the kids.

So glad your 6 yr old wants to see my two-we could do with a night out! Thank you so much for having them!

but seriously you have a DH problem-leave it to him if he wants to help. Am sure he will soon stop volunteering “help” when he realises it’s him that actually has to do the helping!

How much of this childcare does your bloke do?

"our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end."

Hopefully, that means that your husband cannot offload the care of the six year old onto them. Do you think he would try to do that if you absented yourself, @howan ?

Why is your husband so keen to 'help out'? You say this child is not a cousin, so the mother isn't his sister. Just how extended a family does he feel responsibility towards? And why?

Does she ever invite your 2 DC for a sleepover at her house? If not next time she says 6 year old wants a sleepover tell her you will send your 2 DC to her for a sleepover so your DH and you can have an evening off from childcare. Tell her what a good idea. See what she says.

This!

Is the 6yo your husbands child?