Do not want to look after someone's DC

And, of course, my DH leaves all the care of a child to me.

Well, there is your whole argument. Honestly, he’s being a total dick.

Ask him how he’d feel if you were offering his services at tiling/decorating/gardening for hours each week to your sister whilst you did fuck all. Tell him, he’s the one being totally selfish by pimping you out!

I would actually contact the relative directly and say, ‘I know DH likes to offer babysitting services but it’s not him doing the work, it’s me, so we won’t be doing any more overnight stays’.

Why doesn't your husband want to help you?
^
Sorry OP but your h is a prick. You have bigger problems than the cheeky fucker mother of this child!^

That’s fine. You go and visit your family and leave dh in sole charge. Every time.

He’ll soon change his tune when he’s the one doing all the work.

The point of not being there is that it will force the OPs DH to actually do the care, to put him out. If OP is there he will find a way to put all the care back on her. He's shown he's willing to be nasty to get his way and he will be nasty or belittling or keep sending the child back to her and refuse to anything because he knows if the child's there and he ignores them OP will look after them.
It's hyperbole to say the child won't have a bed or food, the DH is a component adult and father let's not infantilize him and say the OP needs to be there because he's not capable. He is capable he just doesn't want to do it.

Yanbu.

I’ll never get my head round the absolute brass neck of some people. How do they even do this sort of thing without having any sort of shame! Surely they must know they are CFs!

I never said she was spiteful? and I don't think she is, I think she should say just say no.

I don't agree that she should go out and leave the DH to it, because if he's as incompetent at childcare as OP says he is then the only one being 'punished' by that is the poor child who already isn't wanted at one household.. I know it's not the same but I've been a stepchild staying in a household where one 'parent' makes it blatantly obvious your presence there is making them unhappy.. it's horrible. Intentional or not children do pick up on things like that and it's unfair to do it to a child just to make a point, when the grown up could just deal with it themselves and leave the child out of it.

My point is she should put her foot down and tell nephews wife DIRECTLY that she doesn't want to do it / can't do it / not convenient etc, not leave DH to sign her up.

it isn't wasting time. shes leaving a 6yr old on a weekly basis for 48 hours. it's becoming private fostering...

Anna Climbie was private fostered. SS would build a picture.

Every time that child was on a sleepover at my house, I'd be having a sleepover with my kids elsewhere and leaving DH to it. He'll soon get fed up!

She will have to go out as he will ignore the no and allow the child over anyway.

Why is he guilt tripping you? Why does he feel an obligation to this child? And why doesn’t he do the looking after? You’ve done your child rearing. Was he as useless when your two were younger?

I don't think posters should be suggesting the OP waste social services time by calling them, she hasn't indicated the child isn't being cared for or is in any kind of danger.

You could arrange a night out with your friends or go visit your family and leave your dh to it do since he thinks it’s a great idea

genuinely call the social. they don't/can't cope with their children

where is your fella when u r childminding this distant relative?

Feel awful for the teens!
OP should def arrange some faux night out the next time the child appears. If ever!

That explains it a little more.. but then really your DH isn't helping his nephew at all, he's helping his nephew's wife?
The DH is not helping anyone OP is. Leaving the child with her DH or saying no is not punishing him out of spite. OP being willing to help her sister doesn't mean she is spiteful not to be an extra parent to this other child. OP is allowed to have boundaries and say no to caring for a that is not hers. The nephews wife is a CF nothing to say she's neglect or abusive, she's onto a good thing and doesn't GAF how much it impacts OP.

You got me at your dh leaves all care of the child to you. I wouldn’t say no, but I’d go out the next 4 times, and stay at a friends overnight. Then you and your dh can talk about it again and maybe he will suddenly have got a clue.

could they be his kids?

I understand you e said the child is the son of your husbands nephew.

But could it be a possibility that he your husband is actually his dad?

Otherwise I just can't understand why he is pushing for him to visit every weekend.

Regardless, how much effort does he put into dealing with the child at the weekends? I agree with pp that you (and your kids) should just go away for the weekend every time this happens. Stay with family or whatever.

If DH wants to babysit, let him babysit. I would imagine it would stop quite quickly.

@howan you mean YOU can share her load. Everyone else gets off scot free!

Ps. she sounds depressed...

I think all this going out, leaving him to it is just silly, for one the OP shouldn't have to leave her own house or 'go on strike' to make a point, when she can just say no, which she has done.

Secondly, and more importantly why make the child go hungry or tired or not have anywhere to sleep or be made to feel unwelcome.. don't you think it suffers enough from at it's own house?

I’d ask him how you both miraculously coped with your own two children, whereas his nephew and wife somehow can’t? I’m assuming no special needs that are making their situation much harder than yours.

I think all three of you (you and your Dc’s) need to explain to your DH that none of you are enjoying these regular sleepovers. Once in a while (every two months and during the summer holidays perhaps) is OK m but not frequently. Your DC are so much older and none of you enjoy being used for free babysitting.

Your DH isn’t offering to help though is he. He is forcing YOU to help. I would say he can invite her whenever he wants, but I’m having no part of looking after her. To the point of taking your dc out and leaving him to deal. He is behaving utterly selfishly

So the child’s father is first cousin to your DC, which means the child and your DC are first cousins one removed.

None of which puts any onus on you to care for said child. Or for your DC to ‘entertain’ them.

When child comes, does your DH do any of the care at all? Or cook the dinner, or entertain the child, or take them out?

If not, it really does seem as though your DH is offering your time and effort, without your consent, and none of his own.

Where is child’s grandparent - your DH’s sibling - in this arrangement?