Do not want to look after someone's DC

Would you spend EVERY weekend looking after your husband's 6yr old distant relative? Really? Why on earth should she? Her own husband is the one agreeing this without asking his wife and he's not doing any of the looking after of the child.

Personally, if I were Op (which I am not) I could negotiate some sustainable visits and I would be positive about my children helping a little cousin sometimes. I would expect my DH to also actively mind the child, and to assume that our kids and I had equal say in the negotiations.

I'd like my kids to grow up kind and supportive of family.
I'd also expect that nephew and niece and DH to recognise our contribution is from us. DH should not promote any notions that we are invisible.

Total bullshit. The OP didn't impose on others and doesn't want to do nephew's child rearing for him!

The kid has two parents; let them do their job. No one forced them to reproduce.

I wonder where the grandparents are in this situation (your DH’s sibling and the other GP’s)? If the Mum is struggling so much, why hasn’t she reached out to any of them?

Or perhaps she has, already over- imposed on them and they won’t help out anymore?

Edit…

…so basically DH and nephew are more like cousins or brothers. And your husband is the baby’s great Uncle with your children being cousins once removed.

Ok, so basically DH and nephew are more like cousins or brothers. And the baby is your husband is the baby’s great Uncle with your children being cousins once removed.

My DH is close with cousins, so DC second cousins are on a par with first cousins. It doesn’t matter about the label always, but the relationship.

I think if your DH wants to do this he should be doing the legwork and not so often either.

But I don’t think you can cut him off with having a relationship with his Great niece/nephew, supporting his nephew, and wanting to foster a relationship between the cousins.

It’s just the scale and frequency of it is off.

Yes, DH needs to always be there doing the care for his guest so that Op and the kids have choices of where to spend their own time.
Assuming that DH is there and is the child minder he still should negotiate a sustainable visiting plan with the other people who share his home. They might agree that once a year is sustainable or that DH should always take the boy to the park.

I agree that the mother of the child is blissfully communicating with Op's DH but all the while both of them know who is minding her child. Op and the kids are being exploited.

"No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now?"

Your DH sounds much nicer than you and your children!

What's you not having any help got to do with the price of fish? It's a shame you didn't have help but that's not a reason to refuse to help someone else!

Also to add I think if you would do it for your own family then you should just help out, it’s not the boys fault his parents can’t manage to look after both children and it’s probably pretty rubbish for him at home.

YANBU your DH doesn’t get a choice when he leaves all the parenting to you. You have 12 and 14 YO so obviously don’t want to spend every weekend watching a 6 YO.

I would keep saying no (or yes the odd time if you don’t mind him staying over as it’s not the DCs fault and probably isn’t fun for him at home) or inform DH that he will need to do the parenting whilst he is staying.

way to take a phrase out of context, I said don't punish the child out of spite to it's parents, in response to the poster who said 'leave the child with your DH to go hungry and overtired because it's not your problem'.

Telling someone to not cut their nose off to spite their face isn't calling them spiteful, in the scenario above and others that people are suggesting, the child is being made to feel unwanted at both houses just to prove a point, there's no need.

OP said she'd do it for her own family, but she doesn't particularly like DH's family, I don't have a problem with that, but the point is the kid doesn't choose who they're born to and shouldn't be punished through no fault of their own, their parents and the DH are 100% at fault for this situation and the simple solution is to refuse to do it at all, rather then do it inadequately in a hostile environment, cut DH out the loop and tell CF herself no, or that CF needs to ask OP if she wants OP to look after the child, seeing as it's OP that does 100% of the childcare.

Nah. I reckon at some point the DH and the nephew had the conversation that went “cos… cos you’re like my brother mate… yeah really you’re like my brother… andifyouevahwant anything… ANYthing at all.. yeah just ask me mate, just ask me, it’s yours…”

The huff is because the OP is insisting her time is not part of this deal and he feels he will lose face.

I can't fucking stand men who volunteer women's labour.

The entitlement and disrespect astounds me.

Agree with PPs - since he's so selfless and sensitive- he can care for the 6 year old solo.

Prick.

What kind of shite is this? You're nuts! 😂😂😂

Why in the name of god would a 12 and 14 year old want play dates made for them anymore... especially with a 6 year old 😂

And why the fuck should OP out a schedule of when she is going to mind this child in place? Where were this child's parents when OPs children were small and they could have done with a dig out with childcare... oh yes, that's right, they weren't there!!!

I swear, some of the shite I read on this forum 😂😂😂

I was going to say or could he have a crush on her and playing the white night hero to impress her? Something is really off here with him being so insistent in "helping". OP maybe it's time to get yourself organized because this does not look good and you deserve way more

Errmmm #bekiiiiind @Greenpolkadot 🤮🤮

A monthly play date ? And who's the kid supposed to play with ? Two adults in the house and two teens who don't want to know..😆

What?! Oh behave! What shite!!

Plots getting juicer.

Please don't punish the child out of spite

What a complete and utter crock of shit! This is in no way the OP's situation to manage. How dare you guilt her over it?
Or imply she's being spiteful.

Maybe a visit from social services would make them think twice.

@howan I hope by now it’s clear to you that you are in the right on this one. I would recommend you make it clear it’s not happening again. You are not selfish, but you should be. Everyone else in this situation is, apart from the child. I suggest you stop thinking about it and try to do something you like doing instead

How much help did you get from dh when your children were small?

you and your husband will need to compromise

Well DH isn’t compromising.

DH nephew and wife aren’t compromising.

Where their ‘2 year plan’

You can only plan if all parties are in agreement to stick to the plan.

The plan doesn’t work for 3 out of 4 of them.

What needs to happen is the mother and father of the child need to parent him and not make promises of a sleepover before asking the adults.

I like the offering HIS services suggestion 👍🏻

What the actual fuck?!

Teenagers don't want play dates with six year olds. Or a relationship. They can say hello when the extended families get together for big occasions. Not have their leisure time sucked up dealing with some ancillary relative less than half their age.