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Original poster

To feel depressed about the thought of a childless future

159 replies

Bbwinter · 03/01/2024 12:02

Just that really. 2024 marks the 6th year that DH and I have been TTC. It’s also the year I turn 35 which I know further reduces our chances. We have unexplained infertility and have had a failed round of IVF also. Not sure we have the funds or emotional strength to try again. Each year is increasingly painful as more and more friends around us have pregnancy announcements and their own little families by now, and I have to stifle my own emotions and just be happy for them.

The thought of having a future without children feels so scary and to be honest quite empty and pointless. It’s on my mind every day. Does the feeling go away? Is there any hope of a happy and fulfilled future without children when it’s something you’ve wanted so badly? Any tips or advice from those who’ve been there would be so appreciated right now.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 03/01/2024 12:38

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I don't think you are sorry to be blunt at all. That's just nasty.

I'm sorry op for the situation you're in. My friend was in a similar situation and had her child at 42 so you still have plenty of time.

ilovesooty · 03/01/2024 12:35

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That's not blunt - it's cruel.

@Bbwinter I'm sorry you're in such pain. I'm not in your situation so don't have advice, but I hope the outlook becomes less difficult for you in time.

Farmwifefarmlife · 03/01/2024 12:35

Could you adopt ?

KT8282 · 03/01/2024 12:34

I suggest going onto the Fertility Network on Healthunlocked (the one NHS directs you to). Loads of people in your shoes with loads of advice and experience-it’s a wonderful supportive forum.

I’m sure you have heard this but your first round of IVF is basically a tester. We were successful on our second round at 41yo so you definitely have time 😊 There’s a book I see recommended a lot called ‘Living the Life Unexpected’ (I forget the author) that has helped loads of childless couples move forward with a child free life. My main advice to you is if you decide to give up on IVF/adoption etc now (totally understandable), just make sure you have no regrets. If you think you’ll have a perpetual ‘what if’ stopping now then consider another crack of the whip.

CaptainPhillips · 03/01/2024 12:32

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Btwl · 03/01/2024 12:30

I am like you too just mine is kinda more painful, 5 miscarriages, 1 dead child 12 hours after birth
Dont know what else to do
We cant afford IVF and i feel empty
This is my 6th year as well and i will be 32 this year
God help us

Original poster
Bbwinter · 03/01/2024 12:27

Thank you so much @KimberleyClark, I will take a look. I’m new to MN so didn’t know that area existed!

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 03/01/2024 12:12

It will get better I promise you. I never had children despite several goes of IVF. Yes Iwe t through some dark times but life goes on and time heals. I really love my life now with its freedom. Society brainwashes women into thinking they can’t possibly be happy and fulfilled if we don’t have children but it is not true. Start actively planning for a different future than the one you’ve envisaged, doing things you wouldn’t have been able to do with children. Maybe plan for early retirement and travel - I have done both.

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