To choose to just want one child

If your dad 'has his ways' it will be due to his personality and possibly how he was raised, not to do with how many siblings he didn't have. The most spoilt adult I know is one of 5. The youngest, with a 7 year gap between him and the next oldest, and the only boy with 4 older sisters!

I can assure you that envy is not part of it at all .

How amusing you think it is.

It's not about the money (which I could have afforded anyway) but my children are now very grown up with their own homes.

Also they tend to be the ones who pro-actively arrange meet ups with us and our kids so their child spends time with other children

Funny how ‘only’ parents see families with multiples of children - never just another only.

when mine were young I got fed up of the ‘just one more won’t be an issue’ as they slung their only at me for the afternoon!

Never again.

I am 35 and thinking I might only have one child myself now. I am also an only child as is my mum. In my experience only children seem to be literally the same as anybody else! The only common traits I can think of amongst the ones I know is that only children seem to be quieter, thoughtful and down to earth.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Not necessarily. I'm an identical twin I love my doppelganger to death and we speak most days, sometimes more than once. That lovely relationship didn't alter my mind to only have more children.

It’s interesting that on these threads everyone who chose to have a single was one of a few and don’t get on with any. Whereas everyone I know is very close to their adult siblings; especially 2 sisters

Until I fell pregnant, which was completely unplanned, I would have been happy to remain childless. I was absolutely ecstatic to discover I was going to be a mum though and DD is 29 now. She's an only child as I never had any wish to have more children and I've never regretted it; I'm an only child and so is her dad. I have an amazing relationship with DD, we're very close, and she does with her dad too and I'm not sure it would have been the same if she'd had a sibling. Her and her partner are thinking of TTC fairly soon and it's possible they'll only have one too. There's no right/wrong or should/shouldn't, it's entirely up to you how many children you have and it's nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else.

I'm one of five who grew up presuming I'd have a big family. Circumstances (death of DH) left me with just DS, then 2 years old, now 15.

He's a lovely, kind, sociable teenager. He absolutely dotes on his little cousins. Many of his friends are also only children. It's really not so unusual these days at all. We have a cracking life together, and I have the energy and finances to provide for him.

If you were to find yourself parenting solo for whatever reason, one is doable without martyring your own life.

Or you spend every hour sorting out constant squabbling and arguing. Vying for attention. Fighting. Crying. “It’s not faaaaaair”.

Because the parents I know who planned to only have one are smug. The ones who wanted 2 or more but couldn't are less so.

I wouldn't dream of saying they should have another but when they see my dds having a tiff they think it's fine to give their option,?

Yes I’m sure it’s not just only children who turn out like that. She’s struggling massively with being the only child looking after a sick parent though, that part is incredibly hard

We've got an only, she's 24 and wonderful. Has lots of good friends.

As far as the 'only children are often burdened with caring for their elderly parents with no one to share the load' -
firstly that can happen if people have more than one child anyway, that one ends up 'carrying the load'. Or none do - I had an uncle with 4 kids. 3 emigrated and the other was killed in a car crash.
Secondly, if you only have one child (especially a bit older after you've established your careers) then you are likely to be more financially secure and able to sort out your own care than if you've had multiple children to support. We've got no intention of being a burden to our DD.

I'm an only child, and I only had one child. Recently (its my 50th birthday today), I've been thinking that my circle is very very small, I got married this last September and only had 26 people there, very intimate setting, I don't have a large Christmas gathering, and have taken to going away for new year and birthday because I don't have a large family and celebrating is very low key when it's just 4 people (mum, husband and son), I suppose what I'm trying to say is it could be very lonely as an only child depending on their circle...

We love having one child (even though we both have siblings).

He is 10 now so definitely won't be anymore. Once the baby and early toddler stage were done, he became so much easier and life is easier.

He is very sociable with lots of friends. We have a great time both at home and out and about.
We can go out for a meal and it's relaxing and nice. Holidays are great. We are not stretched financially and can give him lots of time and attention.

Honestly, you couldn't pay me to have another!

@HeartShapedBox I'm also one of 3 and now only have one child-make of that what you will 🤷‍♀️

I'm 1 of 3 and chose to have 1. Make of that what you will.

So true! It happens in real life too. I've genuinely never judged anyone for having more than one child but the minute parents who have more than one learn mine is an only you inevitably get so many bitchy comments my favorite being oh you'd never know.

All planned?

I have read a lot of these only child threads & I often find the parents of one seem very balanced & supportive of others whereas it’s the parents of multiples making sweeping generalisations about only children. If you’re happy with your two or more children why do you feel the need to make others feel inadequate?

I'm an only child. I now have 6 children, make of that what you will.

You can have mine....they were worse than useless when it came to caring for my parents or helping to organise their funerals. I may as well have been an only child for all the support I had from my 2 sisters.

@LemonyDrizzleCakes love a bit of thinly veiled envy on a Tuesday afternoon.

Im a great parent, I buy her what she wants because I can. As does DH.

Unfortunately DD isn’t a box lover, she does like the item inside and gets a lot from them then moves on like any other child

You do understand that a one year old no concept of a new toy and they'd be as happy with the box it came in, or your pans and a wooden spoon?

You are really buying the toys for yourself to make you feel a better parent.
It's actually quite sad that you feel the need to do this.

All kids want is time and fun. That doesn't have to include plastic, going into landfill.

TTC in our 20s and contemplating sticking at one.

Finances, time, energy, sleep, ability to work. Literally so many reasons. Having two seems hard and I think I’d struggle with making it equal too and I would feel guilty