To leave my lovely DP

Then this is what he needs to know. That it's something he cannot change and give you

Getting ducks in a row makes more sense for someone in an abusive situation. It seems harsh to plan to leave a good man. He doesn’t get to plan. Are you going to blindside him? I think it would be fairer to everyone to just get it over and done with.

You’re not bisexual, you’re lesbian. You didn’t know that when you started dating him, and then stayed with your first boyfriend. Ignore the posters on here scolding you for ingratitude and their ‘suck it up buttercup’/‘you made your bed, now lie in it’ message. You’re not married, you didn’t make a “till death do us part” vow to him. He deserves a relationship with a heterosexual woman and you deserve a relationship with a lesbian woman.

The PPs who suggested telling him he’s a great husband but you don’t want a husband because you’re lesbian gave good advice, I think.

Fifteen years ago I looked at my husband and decided that he wasn't the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So I can understand your thought process.

My only word of caution would be to remember that, while you have been getting your ducks in a row, he has not. This could come as a huge shock to him - I know you've separated before but you then returned. So expect and allow him to have appropriate emotions - shock, denial, anger. Be kind but not at cost to yourself.

Poor guy. Yes, I’d leave if you feel like this, and I’m sure he will soon be snapped up by someone that really loves him.

I'm sorry but I agree with this. If a man was doing what you are doing he'd be crucified on here. Please treat him with more respect than this.

You arent horrible, you're body and brain are telling you that you arent happy.

I'm not egging you on to split up but are you happier now than you were 5 years ago? If not then there is no logic to thinking you'll be happier in another 5 years.

If he suddenly became a social butterfly would it make a difference?

You have a few options, all of which you need to consider by your own preference, your childrens preference and your husbands preference.

You could.... be 100% honest and try staying together. Consider if that means an open relationship, no sex etc or whether youd peder to save his feelings and split up. But if you think you want to explore a same sex relationship it might be kinder to be honest now so it's not such a shock down the line. Might help him save face a bit. You never know, he might be fine with you having sex with women and coming home to him and it might improve things (although it think it's more likely to lead to an emotional affair when you find a woman you want more with which will cause more hurt all round).

I think you're better splitting but it's your call. X

You say he's a great guy but your description of his behaviour doesn't back this up. He doesn't sound great at all, it makes sense that you're not happy together. I think the bi-sexuality is a red herring. Even if you were straight he's not the person for you.

Could you maybe take a bit of a run up. I mean kind of ease him into it, so it’s not such a shock. You know, tell him you’re not happy, that maybe the two of you aren’t right for each other but it’s no one’s fault, etc. The cruelest thing would be to be kind and act as if everything is normal then suddenly spring it on him that you’re going.

Bloody hell, you sound like a real catch. Sounds like he'd be better off without you. Are you going to sting him for money as well when you've dumped him?

Poor guy.
Good luck with the split as it is for the best for both of you.

There is no guarantee you'll be happier if you leave him.

Life is hard and so are relationships.

He might just have been pouring his feelings out on paper. Many men do feel pretty gutted at the thought of losing what they perceive as their life partner. I write a lot and it's hard to hide stuff so children will never find it if it's on paper, I password protect everything now on the computer, even then I might leave it open when I leave the room...I dread this!

He doesn't need to be 'bad' to leave him, and it doesn't have to be right in the eyes of others. You can't live this life, it's leading you into fundamental dishonesty about who you are and how you want to live, so just get on with it.

It sounds as though she's scared of accepting her sexuality (and of others' acceptance).
It would become too much for any half decent person to admit (even to themselves) that they're not the 'creme de la creme' but actually a charlatan (and a somewhat callous one at that).
I find it incredible that a person could live a lie like this for so many years. I think the OP needs to work on the authentic version of herself, before considering a new relationship.

As a man who finds it really difficult to praise other men I agree with some of the previous posters he does sound lovely.you need to free him so he can be loved as much as he loves you.

It will hurt him no doubt but time is a healer and if you are not happy then you must end it.

By the way, he ll be snapped up. Someone will fancy him and angle their way into bed with him and he ll relive sexual pleasure and realise he is quite hot and can attract many women. Within 6 months of the separation he will be back on the scene, going out with his mates on his nights off and hooking up with sex partner (s).

Be prepared for him to bounce back fairly quickly.

Once you dont want them touching you it's game over. Any suicide threats ask the police to check on him. He'll knock that off quite quickly.

Just stop dragging it out.

Yes this. The criticism that the OP is being unfair and she needs to let him go etc.... He is preventing her from leaving by guilt tripping her with the threat of suicide.

@Shouldistayorshouldi I think you should have clarified that you are not married at the start of your post. It seems kinda inferred from the life you describe especially with DC and that's what most people including me will assume.
In any case you are considered to be in a civil partnership with decisions to be taken as serious as if you were married.

My two cents is to leave. It'll hurt everyone yes but just envision having to stay due to pity and being in the same situation for the next 10 years.

I'm a bit confused as to why you've started this thread. You say you've posted about the situation on here before

Are you seeking absolution?

can you elaborate on what you felt you sacrificed to be with him. What happened 5 years ago that was the decider for you?
I think you are getting a bit of a hard ride here - youve tried to paper over the cracks for 5 years, and I think that by framing your partner as 'perfect' when there are signs that this may not actually be the case, you are making things more difficult for yourself.

I think you’re crazy, OP. You’ve got a family, a good man who adores you and you’re clearly suffering from some deep ‘grass is greener’ delusion. The thrill you get from seedy sexual encounters is just that - a temporary thrill/high.

If I were you I’d stop fucking other people pronto and invest in some serious therapy to get to the bottom of why you are drawn towards throwing a bomb into a good life.

He left suicidal writings where your child could find them?

He is not a lovely man. He’s a selfish man.

You don’t need a reason to end it.