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AIBU?

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Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ImNotReallySpartacus · 31/12/2023 14:13

Tell him he's in charge of cooking on Sundays from now on.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:13

ManateeFair · 31/12/2023 14:09

If my partner expected me to have the same meal at exactly the same time every single week for 30 years, I think I’d probably be dead inside by this point

He’s asking for it to be ready at 1, which is what she’s doing.

He just wants her to wait until he’s home to eat together when he’s late.

Clutterbugsmum · 31/12/2023 14:13

I'd make it very clear to him that if HE want a fresh roast dinner then HE needs to be back at 1 as HE said HE would be.

Personally I would stop doing a roast on a golf day and do something that it doesn't matter that he turns up late.

HE needs to turn up when HE's requested dinner for or live with reheating it and eating alone.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:12

Jane0Jane · 31/12/2023 14:07

Cook it for 3pm and tell him half 2.
What a fuss over nothing.
Some people are a bit time blind, don't think they are late until the actual time arrives and don't factor in travel. If you know that's him then just tell him a bit earlier.

What if OP has a hobby herself or wants to go for a walk after lunch?

Why should her day be messed up just because he doesn’t want to eat alone and can’t be bothered to get home on time.

Mikimoto · 31/12/2023 14:10

Have the roast at 3pm?
Have sandwiches on Sundays?
Go to where he socialises and tip a tray of lard on top of his head?

chaosmaker · 31/12/2023 14:10

@Rachellllleeee I'd do it for later and then when he comes back for (whatever his version is of 1pm that week) - tell him it's not ready until 3 or something. He can't complain really as then you'll be eating it fresh together and you're just using his time scheme instead.

ohdamnitjanet · 31/12/2023 14:09

Couldn’t possibly eat a roast at lunchtime anyway, far too early! But you’re right, he’s rude. Microwaved roasts aren’t that great so his loss.

ManateeFair · 31/12/2023 14:09

If my partner expected me to have the same meal at exactly the same time every single week for 30 years, I think I’d probably be dead inside by this point

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:08

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:05

If I told him 1.00 but made it for 2.00, the following week he'd aim for 2 and be late for that.

If he’s late, he’s late.

It’s not your problem.

If he cares so much about eating together then he’ll make sure to be on time in future.

As he isn’t on time then he’s obviously not that bothered.

Eat yours then go out before he gets back, he needs to start realising you have a life of your own too.

Jane0Jane · 31/12/2023 14:07

Cook it for 3pm and tell him half 2.
What a fuss over nothing.
Some people are a bit time blind, don't think they are late until the actual time arrives and don't factor in travel. If you know that's him then just tell him a bit earlier.

Vitriolinsanity · 31/12/2023 14:07

I literally could not be giving this "problem" headspace. Just make the sodding dinner for 2pm. Find another hill to die on.

margotrose · 31/12/2023 14:07

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:05

If I told him 1.00 but made it for 2.00, the following week he'd aim for 2 and be late for that.

So don't make it at all 🤷‍♀️

Tell him that as he can't be bothered to get home on time, you can't be bothered to cook for him.

Honestly, this all seems like so much drama over absolutely nothing.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/12/2023 14:07

"He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late."

Nope, he agreed a time, you're willing to make it later but he said 1pm is fine. I would do as you are doing and eat my lunch when it's at its best.

You're a lot nicer than me, OP. If he does this regularly, he could whistle Dixie for me making him a nice roast lunch at all. I'm a firm believer in consequences, and I don't see any in play here for his lax attitude to turning up when he says he will. Quite the opposite, since he accuses you of rudeness. The fact that he "thinks I'm being rude by starting without him" would have inevitably led me to not making anything for him. He could make himself a sandwich.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 14:07

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:05

If I told him 1.00 but made it for 2.00, the following week he'd aim for 2 and be late for that.

Then stop making him a roast dinner.

Mirabai · 31/12/2023 14:07

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:02

The issue is he can't leave the golf club on time. So even if I did it later - and I reiterate, he asks for it at 1 - he would still struggle to say his goodbyes and leave on time. So I don't have a problem with him doing that and reheating his, I just don't see why I shouldn't enjoy mine whilst it's hot and fresh, when it's him that's broken the agreement.

Surely the right time is when he’s finished his game and finished chatting?

If he regularly doesn’t make it for 1pm, then 1pm is too early so cook it in the evening.

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:06

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:04

I would start making it for 1:30.

If he’s not back then eat without him.

If he complains, tell him he’s 30mins late.

You shouldn’t have to wait to eat, just because he’s late.

You have your own life too, your job isn’t waiting around for him.

Exactly! I have no issue with what he does, but I want my roast fresh and not reheated at a random time!

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 31/12/2023 14:06

Craftycorvid · 31/12/2023 13:51

So, this isn’t really about mealtimes; it’s about feeling that you aren’t a priority for your partner. Whatever time you set for lunch, he’d ignore it and expect you to just sit and wait. Is he like this in other ways? I can see not shifting the time of lunch is essentially saying to him ‘just once, can you get it right for me?’ And he keeps letting you down. The way you show anger and disappointment is by leaving him to eat alone. If he would accept there is a problem, then maybe you could see a relationship counsellor to look at the feelings beneath the lunch issue?

Or maybe OP just doesn't want a cold dinner.

poetryandwine · 31/12/2023 14:06

PS Unless he can come up with a better solution

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 31/12/2023 14:06

YANBU

LittleBearPad · 31/12/2023 14:06

It’s all so pass ag! Is this really how you want to spend your life?

Cook it for 1.30 - don’t tell him. Or cook it for 6pm

poetryandwine · 31/12/2023 14:05

I understand that he doesn’t want the meal to be organised for later, OP. I am saying that he has lost the right to decide, through his behaviour. You are entitled to say that unless he will be home and ready to eat at 1 pm next week, the roast will be ready at X pm so that the two of you can have a nice meal together

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 14:05

Dishwashersaurous · 31/12/2023 14:04

Or you could join him at the golf club for a drink and then go out for lunch

An excellent suggestion

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:05

If I told him 1.00 but made it for 2.00, the following week he'd aim for 2 and be late for that.

OP posts:
eatreadsleeprepeat · 31/12/2023 14:05

Compromise, you put it back a bit and he comes home in time. I wouldn’t put it back to the evening as one of the joys of Sunday lunch is that I can relax knowing cooking is out of the way.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 31/12/2023 14:05

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 13:57

Oh of course - silly me. We would all instantly know who this man is, out of the thousands of men who play golf every week!

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