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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:

snowitall · 31/12/2023 15:21

1pm is so early for a Sunday lunch! I would switch to 2pm.

Iamnotalemming · 31/12/2023 15:19

YANBU.

Only suggestion would be to actually make dinner for 30 mins later than he has said, and just not tell him until he gets back. If he gets stroppy tell him it's because he is so unreliable.

commonsense61 · 31/12/2023 15:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

OhwhyOY · 31/12/2023 15:17

I think you are being rude to not wait for him but he is being much more rude to not respect your time and effort by showing up on time. Therefore YANBU.

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 15:16

ShirleyPhallus · 31/12/2023 13:26

Sometimes I think other peoples relationships are just so weird. Now is one of those times. Poor husband.

😂

ButterfliesandMoths · 31/12/2023 15:14

No you are not being unreasonable.
You both agree on a time. If he can't be bothered to get home in time then he is eating his dinner alone and can warm it up in microwave. No way would I be sitting around watching my dinner go cold.

PurpleWhirple · 31/12/2023 15:11

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 13:29

OP, I’m with you! It’s been agreed as 1pm, it is rude to be late. For goodness sake, OP has been slaving away in the kitchen and her DH is off having a jolly old time with his mates and doesn’t even have the decency to up to his dinner, which he hasn’t lifted a finger for, on time?! I’d be fuming too. I fume every time my own DH magically needs to go to the bathroom the very second I plate up, every day!

THIS.

Original poster

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 15:10

@Mantling I love a roast, and I'd cook one just for me if necessary. I'll happily cook a roast and plate it up for DH to eat whatever time he likes - I'm just not going to plate mine up and let it go cold (and then be called rude!) - when we both agreed a time. Crispy roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings, are so much nicer than soggy microwaved ones!

I did say this thread is lighthearted- you don't get to 40 years together / 30 married by taking the hump over every little thing. I won't be LTB or even TAL over this, don't worry!

OP posts:

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 31/12/2023 15:08

Sorry I didn't read the updates... all bets are off!

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 31/12/2023 15:06

I think it's best to make it for 1.30 or 2pm. If he's not back by then all bets are off! 😂

Mantling · 31/12/2023 15:04

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 15:01

But @Mantling - if he says 1.00 works for him, is that not what I'm
doing already?

Well, are you happy with the status quo, @Rachellllleeee? I mean, are you happy to spend the next 30 years cooking roasts on Sunday mornings to a schedule your DH may or may not show up for?

The fact you’ve posted on here about it suggests not.

Namerequired · 31/12/2023 15:03

I don’t know why people aren’t reading your post right, especially your updates.
If he’s not there to eat the dinner at his agreed time then he has no business saying you shouldn’t eat without him. He’s the rude one. The fact you are fine with him being late and reheating his in the microwave after you making it fresh, is gracious enough. No way would I be waiting and microwaving mine after I went to all that bother.

commonground · 31/12/2023 15:01

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ak7E4NtBb/

Do a David Beckham and make it just for yourself.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ak7E4NtBb

Original poster

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 15:01

But @Mantling - if he says 1.00 works for him, is that not what I'm
doing already?

OP posts:

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 31/12/2023 15:00

Mantling · 31/12/2023 14:58

Wouldn’t it just be easier all round for the OP to make and eat dinner at a time that works for both people? She’s presumably stewing with stored up annoyance as she cooks for two hours while checking the time, then eating it alone if he hasn’t shown, and is angry enough to start a thread on here — it’s not as if the status quo is making her happy either…

Show quote history

You are still refusing to believe OP when she says he would be late no matter what time was agreed.

You are making up almost all of that post.

MILTOBE · 31/12/2023 15:00

I agree with a PP who said the problem was that you sounded rigid when you first posted. Now your husband is the rigid one, wanting his wife to watch her dinner get cold then eat an inferior microwaved version of it. He's completely unreasonable.

Mantling · 31/12/2023 14:58

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:52

How is it petty to have dinner made at the agreed time and eat it?

What if he doesn’t come home until 6pm, is she not allowed to eat until then?

Do you seriously wait for your DH all day until you can cook and eat?

OP should not spend her life waiting on DH just because the poor man doesn’t want to eat alone.

Show quote history

Original poster

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 14:55

Nagado · 31/12/2023 14:43

Just tell him you’ll make a deal with him. He turns up at the time he tells you he’s going to be home (whatever time he wants that to be) and you’ll stop eating without him.

If he tells you that he just finds it too hard to say goodbye to his golf mates, then tell him that you just find it too hard to watch a lovely roast dinner go cold.

I love this Nagado - I think this is the way forward.

OP posts:

penjil · 31/12/2023 14:53

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/12/2023 13:26

You could have your roast for tea instead…

Or even your dinner.....

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:52

Teder · 31/12/2023 14:46

Just make it later one day and he’ll be home. Are you both petty about various things or just this?

How is it petty to have dinner made at the agreed time and eat it?

What if he doesn’t come home until 6pm, is she not allowed to eat until then?

Do you seriously wait for your DH all day until you can cook and eat?

OP should not spend her life waiting on DH just because the poor man doesn’t want to eat alone.

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 31/12/2023 14:52

It's entirely up to the DH if he's home at the time he's asked dinner to be ready for or not, if he wants to eat at the same time as the OP he has a simple choice - say goodbye to his golfing chums in time to get home, or ask for lunch a bit later and don't stretch out the time at the club.

If I was the op I'd probably say that lunch is at one but time it for half past. Then if he happens to arrive back for 1pm he can lay the table, pour some sherry or make a cup of tea or suchlike. Or just wait - as he seems to expect the op to do - but at least not waiting while dinner cools.

Universalsnail · 31/12/2023 14:51

Yabu. If he frequently has a commitment on Sundays and so is always late why not make the dinner for a time he will definitely be back each week and therefore this problem is completely gone 🙂

TammyJones · 31/12/2023 14:51

PickAChew · 31/12/2023 14:45

Well he can't insist on his roast dinner at 1 if he's not there at 1. Just put your foot down.

I'd be telling I'm to make his own lunch.

Totally
He's disrespectful

dapsnotplimsolls · 31/12/2023 14:50

As others have suggested, have it ready for 1.30 but let him assume it's still 1.30. Stick to that time from now on and if he moves the goalposts again, he can eat a warmed-up roast on his own. Forever.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 14:50

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 31/12/2023 14:36

Let the poor man socialise and plan to have your dinner later

I assume this is a joke?

Or have I actually stepped back in time to the 1920s

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