Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

You are taking my words entirely out of context. The OP is describing a meal prepared for two people. If for example a person living alone invites a guest for 1 pm lunch and the guest arrives at 1.30 then yes, going ahead and eating it alone while a second plate of food goes cold on the side is a joyless experience.

As I said in my post, all of this could be avoided by simply waiting to do the veg when her DH arrives home. I believe golf was mentioned, I know from experience it can be tricky to estimate the exact time of getting home despite best intentions.

Oh and it sounds like 1pm isn’t a valid answer for what time he’d like it as it isn’t working!

We gave up Sunday lunch after the boys started rugby. We liked to socialise after training/matches and if I went home early to do dinner then I would have missed out. We still have Sunday dinner now even though the Sunday rugby has long passed.
Maybe you should give it a try, or make lunch a little later

One weekend agree dinner ay 1 as usual and instead take yourself to the local pub for a roast there. When he gets home to no roast because he wasn’t home at the agreed time he might start valuing your time and effort as much as he values his time and friends.

Have to admit if I were OP I’d have expected a string of LTB responses validating ( aka inflaming) her annoyance to crisis point. Am pleasantly surprised how many can see not every issue needs to ignite WW3 by standing indignantly on ceremony and diktat, and that sometimes relationships are a bit of give and take on the smaller issues. Perhaps 2024 is set to be a year of more moderated responses. Just ask him when he’d like it OP. If he chooses a time but is still late, post again. But I quite like a later big meal as then you can just have a bowl of cereal/slice of toast for supper ready for the week. That’s what we do if we have a Sunday pub lunch.

Noodles on toast???? What even made you think of that? Do you mean tinned spaghetti on toast?

@Rachellllleeee

Talk to the dinosaur.

Tell him it's 2024.

Tell him you need to agree on a time dinner will be ready (if you're happy to continue to be a slave to that) & tell him that, now agreed, is the time YOU will be eating your freshly prepared hot dinner & if he's not there, he can eat his alone, reheated when he get home.

what happens when you can't be bothered to cook a roast, or don't fancy one?? I could not be done with the expectation (OR the cooking to be honest).

@MatildaTheCat

Eating alone is a joyless experience except for toast which is brilliant

so, people living alone should just eat toast?

just because you can't function as a person by themselves, don't put your negativity onto others lives.

I'd go to the pub and have my roast 🤣
Your husband can't time manage and it wouldn't fly in a job so he is being disrespectful. If your happy to cook carry on eat when yours is fresh and let him Crack on later

You are being unnecessarily rigid

Switch to dinner time instead of lunchtime.

It doesn't have to be 1pm move it to 5-7pm instead.

People suggesting 2pm, 2.30, 3pm are missing the fact that those are not mealtimes. I could never wait that long to eat

Either move the roast to evening meal or scrap it completely. Roast dinners are massively overrated anyway

YANBU by the way. He's out of line

It's not a question of either of you being rude. It's a question of flexibility and compromise.

@Rachellllleeee, there will always be people who don’t understand that they need to read the OP updates. If you report your first post to MNHQ though, they’ll add a helpful note in bold at the bottom of it asking people to read the updates before commenting. They’ve done it on other threads.

He's the one being rude if expects you to wait to eat even though he is late despite saying he wants to eat at 1.

It wasn't in the original post that he wants dinner at 1pm though, so it reads as though it's the OP who is being inflexible (not everybody reads through all the comments). I agree that he is absolutely out of order arranging a time with the OP and then being late, so rude.

Can posters not understand this?! OP has said she's not rigid on the time, it's her DH that says he wants dinner at 1pm and then is most often late because he finds it hard to leave the social (bizarre) and then calls her rude for not waiting for him because she doesn't want to reheat her dinner.

He's the one being rude and disrespectful OP. If he wants his dinner at 1pm on the dot then he bloody needs to make sure he's home in time for it!!!

I would remind him before he leaves next week when you are sorting out times. 'Are you sure you want 1pm, remember last week you found it rude when I started without you, I can do it for 1.30 if it means we definitely get to eat together? If you're not back for 130 I will be eating'

Etc etc.

Then he warms his up later and is really rude

I think you’ve let the cat out of the bag there. A “pass” indeed.

too many people I know have to account for every second of their time and when they are out of the house they are on some kind of stop watch/curfew. It’s vile.

when my DP goes out I do not give a shit when they choose to come back. If they say they will be back at 2 and don’t appear till 3 or 4pm I do not give a shit. I don’t understand the need people have to control others.

if food has been made just reheat it. If you know a meal has been cooked just message each other when out and about.

if a roast has been cooked for 1pm and I’m going to be home about 1.30 I’ll message to say that and my DP will either start without me or wait depending on whatever suits.

these things don’t have to be an issue.

The OP is NOT rigidly sticking to her guns re the time - she's offered to cook for a later time. Get hubby wants it to stay at 1pm! 😂

You’re being absolutely ridiculous. Either make lunch for 2 or do something different and nice for yourself whilst he’s out. Or are you just trying to punish him?

You don’t like him doing this hobby do you?

Where did you get that from? The OP has started in this thread several times she's happy to do it later but HE wants it at 1pm 😂

This! ⬆️

Your husband is being unreasonable in expecting you to wait & re-heat both plates but you're being unreasonable in rigidly sticking to a 1pm lunch just because it's what you've always done!

Surely there's a compromise? You're both adults with no-one else to take into account except yourselves!

@Rachellllleeee I don't see anything rude in what you're doing at all - if anything your husband is being extremely rude by not respecting the time and effort you put in to making a lovely dinner each week and being on time for it!
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