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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Thriving30 · 31/12/2023 13:32

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:27

No, I don't have to do a dinner, we both just like it once a week and I have the opportunity whilst he's out at his activity. It just annoys me that he agrees a time to be back and then doesn't stick to it. If we said 1.30 he'd see it as a pass until 2...

I have a relative like this, if we ever have anything planned we tell him to be here half an hour earlier (the time varies each time - but we don't tell him what time it's actually planned for) and he's always on time now!
So, if you want to eat at 2, tell him 1.30. He can then help you set the table etc.

twistandfart · 31/12/2023 13:32

1pm seems so early for a home Sunday roast and I sounds like that tie really doesn't work anymore. Just push it back to 2-3pm so your DH has time to socialise, you can relax more in the morning and then you can eat together.
In our house it's the one meal that I expect us all to sit down to at the same time / stay at the table till we're all finished!

Miyagi99 · 31/12/2023 13:32

Start cooking later.

TheSpruce · 31/12/2023 13:32

From where I'm sitting, it sounds like you resent him doing this activity and the socialising afterwards. So you give him a tight schedule and a punishment if he doesn't stick to it.

Absolutely no reason that you couldn't eat at 2/3/4 PM.

Devilsmommy · 31/12/2023 13:31

Nah if he could be back by 1, but chooses not to, then carry on. I wouldn't be warming my dinner up in microwave for anyone when I've gone to all the effort

Notmetoo · 31/12/2023 13:31

Why don't you have the dinner at 2 instead of 1 or be more flexible depending on what is happening that day
Why does it have to be 1pm every week? Wha would happen if you missed a week or had the roast dinner in the evening or on another day?

Fallenangelofthenorth · 31/12/2023 13:31

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:27

Why does he need a pass? Your kids have all grown up so he's not needed to help with the kids. Can't you just do it for 5/6pm then everyone's happy? Or don't do it at all. Seems a bit odd to make a meal for a time you know half the guests won't be there to eat.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 31/12/2023 13:31

Here is an idea, cook it for 2 but don't tell him about the changed time!

Topofthemountain · 31/12/2023 13:30

I think you need to embrace frozen / ready prepared stuff, make that NY resolution number 2.

Redglitter · 31/12/2023 13:29

Clearly 1pm doesn't work. Surely it makes sense if he's out on a Sunday morning to have it at a time you know he'll be home.

Surely it would be nicer for you both to eat together.

Changing the time you eat seems most sensible

PonyPatter44 · 31/12/2023 13:29

Start inviting people round for Sunday lunch - if he turns up "late" to a tableful of people scoffing his roast beef, he'll start being on time in the future (hopefully). Also, Sunday lunch with friends is nice.

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 13:29

OP, I’m with you! It’s been agreed as 1pm, it is rude to be late. For goodness sake, OP has been slaving away in the kitchen and her DH is off having a jolly old time with his mates and doesn’t even have the decency to up to his dinner, which he hasn’t lifted a finger for, on time?! I’d be fuming too. I fume every time my own DH magically needs to go to the bathroom the very second I plate up, every day!

Wintery · 31/12/2023 13:29

Why do you cook it for 1 when you know he's not going to be there? Just make it for 1:45 or for dinner (evening) or go bonkers and have it on a Saturday.
Do you begrudge him socialising. Is that the real issue? and this roast lunch thing is just a non-confrontational/ passive aggressive way of approaching it?

PuffyShirt · 31/12/2023 13:29

Why not move it to later? Do it at 3 instead.

MyGirlDaisy · 31/12/2023 13:29

I would either make it for a later time/evening or meet DH at the pub for a Sunday roast there.

AlisonDonut · 31/12/2023 13:29

I would just do it for 2. Or not do it. Or make a roast dinner just for yourself.

MatildaTheCat · 31/12/2023 13:28

Lighthearted? Bizarre more like.

A roast is one of the easiest meals to hold back until you are ready. Rest the meat, lower the oven and stick the veg on when he gets home. May I dare suggest you even enjoy a glass of something together before sitting to eat?

Eating alone is a joyless experience except for toast which is brilliant.

Helloandgoodmorning2 · 31/12/2023 13:28

I would certainly do it later and enjoy the peace and quiet while DH is out, then enjoy a nice meal together later.

weefella · 31/12/2023 13:27

I wouldn't be reheating mine just because he chose to come back late.

I would look at a compromise though and plan for it to be ready at a slightly later time. Just because you've always done something a certain way, it doesn't mean you have to carry on like it forever.

DewHopper · 31/12/2023 13:27

Go for 2pm OP - 30 years is a long time to be doing the same thing!

Original poster

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:27

OP posts:

edwinbear · 31/12/2023 13:27

Does he actually want a roast dinner every Sunday lunchtime? I’m not sure I would, delicious at it sounds. I’d find it quite restrictive and would spend the rest of the afternoon asleep on the sofa!

AgnesX · 31/12/2023 13:26

Is it just the two of you? Why don't you change lunch to dinner and find something else to do.

Just because you've done it for 30 years doesn't mean you can't change.

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/12/2023 13:26

How about moving it to 2?

OwlWeiwei · 31/12/2023 13:26

Times other than 1pm are available and would work for both of you. Problem solved.

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