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AIBU?

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Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 13:43

Or would whatever time you said just get pushed back by him?

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:43

He says he struggles to leave.

To be honest I don't mind what time he stays till - I absolutely would be fine with him staying all afternoon if he wanted, and I've said that, but I don't agree with him that I'm being rude eating mine at the agreed time.

OP posts:
Speedygonzales78 · 31/12/2023 13:43

Either cook it a bit later or stop altogether 🤷‍♀️

LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 13:42

Well tell him it's 1pm but aim for it to be ready about 1.15-1.30.

SeaToSki · 31/12/2023 13:42

thats so rude (and entitled). I would be tempted to agree on 1pm, then go out for a nice lunch on your own and leave a note asking him to start cooking when he bothers to walk through the door. He can cook you a nice roast dinner instead that day

Rockrobon · 31/12/2023 13:42

I think you should eat it yes if he’s not going to make an effort be home on time.

I however also think you should change your roast time. My parents moved theirs to late afternoon/ early evening, around 5, when this kept happening. It’s nice not to be tied down by a meal every week.

WaltzingWaters · 31/12/2023 13:41

Do dinner for 2 to allow DH time to socialise and ensure you can eat the roast freshly cooked together. If it were a one off special occasion and he was late I’d be pretty annoyed, but on a weekly basis - let him socialise without a huge time pressure.

Maray1967 · 31/12/2023 13:40

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:27

No, I don't have to do a dinner, we both just like it once a week and I have the opportunity whilst he's out at his activity. It just annoys me that he agrees a time to be back and then doesn't stick to it. If we said 1.30 he'd see it as a pass until 2...

I’d compromise by on 1.30 but he has to be back. I’d start eating at 1.30. I’m one who was subject to late lunches in childhood due to DF at the pub and I won’t tolerate it. I’m happy to eat in the evening but if it’s a cooked lunch it’s no later than 1.30.

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:40

LoobyDop · 31/12/2023 13:38

People aren’t listening- OP has said that if she moved the time back, her husband would take it as a signal to be even later. So the problem is not that lunch is too early, the problem is that he doesn’t appreciate the time she’s spending cooking, and can’t be arsed turning up at home for it. OP, unfortunately I think that means you either continue doing the roast because you like it, and give up on expecting his company, or give up doing it.

I can’t fucking stand people who are disrespectful to the person putting food on the table.

Thank you LoobyDop. I like doing it. I don't mind him reheating it - but I'm not reheating mine when he doesn't turn up at the time he said he would!

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 31/12/2023 13:39

Next Sunday, surprise him with a plate of noodles on toast.

TammyJones · 31/12/2023 13:39

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:37

I think most people are missing the point here.

He agrees to be back for dinner at 1.00. If he said, "can we make it later?". I'd say "yes no problem" and do it for later. But he doesn't, and is then late. I've even said, "shall I do it for later?", and he said "no, 1.00 is fine".

But it's not fine is it?

It's always late.

How you tried asking him why?

Quartz2208 · 31/12/2023 13:39

But the Ozp has said even if they do change it he would still be late which is the real issue
and why should she eat at 3pm to accommodate him

compromise on 1:30 and if still late eat without him

PuffyShirt · 31/12/2023 13:39

My husband would hate to think he was expected to watch the clock to get back for a meal the second he walked through the door. (Not that I ever cook him a meal, but that’s beside the point.)

LoobyDop · 31/12/2023 13:38

People aren’t listening- OP has said that if she moved the time back, her husband would take it as a signal to be even later. So the problem is not that lunch is too early, the problem is that he doesn’t appreciate the time she’s spending cooking, and can’t be arsed turning up at home for it. OP, unfortunately I think that means you either continue doing the roast because you like it, and give up on expecting his company, or give up doing it.

I can’t fucking stand people who are disrespectful to the person putting food on the table.

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:37

I think most people are missing the point here.

He agrees to be back for dinner at 1.00. If he said, "can we make it later?". I'd say "yes no problem" and do it for later. But he doesn't, and is then late. I've even said, "shall I do it for later?", and he said "no, 1.00 is fine".

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 31/12/2023 13:37

This is so unreasonable of you. Are you being passive aggressive? Do you not like DH going to this activity?

Housebuyer37 · 31/12/2023 13:37

God I don't have me bacon butty until 11am 😆

DDivaStar · 31/12/2023 13:36

Do you enjoy eating on your own ? Do you enjoy your husbands company ?

Why not just move it to 2 or later.

twistandfart · 31/12/2023 13:35

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 13:29

OP, I’m with you! It’s been agreed as 1pm, it is rude to be late. For goodness sake, OP has been slaving away in the kitchen and her DH is off having a jolly old time with his mates and doesn’t even have the decency to up to his dinner, which he hasn’t lifted a finger for, on time?! I’d be fuming too. I fume every time my own DH magically needs to go to the bathroom the very second I plate up, every day!

But why can't he have a jolly time with his mates AND be able to sit and eat a roast with his wife? The OP hast said anything about being annoyed that he's not there for the prep / cooking. I really hope he helps to clear up.
1pm clearly no longer works. Why on early wouldn't they change it?

TammyJones · 31/12/2023 13:35

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:27

No, I don't have to do a dinner, we both just like it once a week and I have the opportunity whilst he's out at his activity. It just annoys me that he agrees a time to be back and then doesn't stick to it. If we said 1.30 he'd see it as a pass until 2...

If that is truly the case, you've got more to worry about than Sunday Lunch......

Being late is seen by many as rude and it's also suggested that persistent lateness is attention seeking.

If you said 1 pm and then prepared it for 1.30, would dh turn up at 1.20 and moan because it had to 10 minutes, and be cross because his lunch was 'late'?

Createausername1970 · 31/12/2023 13:35

Either do it later or change the day. Just because it's always been that time in the past doesn't mean it has to be that time forever in the future.

Lives and routines evolve.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 13:33

ShirleyPhallus · 31/12/2023 13:26

Sometimes I think other peoples relationships are just so weird. Now is one of those times. Poor husband.

This. Just have dinner at 2. Eating without him is really odd.

Roundtoedshoes · 31/12/2023 13:33

Yabu. Change it to later. If he misses the new time as well, then stop cooking it. If he moans, then he knows what do. I suspect he’d rather stay out socialising but won’t say.

Dishwashersaurous · 31/12/2023 13:33

If he's doing an activity why don't you just eat later? 2pm or even have the roast in the evening.

Alargeoneplease89 · 31/12/2023 13:33

Say 1.00pm and serve at 2pm but no you are not rude to eat if he's late. If he then catches on lunch is at 2pm after a few weeks then I would think he's purposely being an idiot.