Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

I think your DH has forfeit your goodwill by now, OP. I agree that if you set the meal for a different time he would likely still be late. Adjusting the timings without his knowledge seems silly to me.

But if you like each other, eating separately seems sad. Why not have your roast dinner in the evening? Explain that you cannot think of a better solution, but he is welcome to come up with one.

OP obviously he’s being rude to ask for lunch at 1pm and then be late. No one is disputing that he’s wrong and you’re right. But after 30 years he’s unlikely to change. So rather than having the “you’re rude” conversation 52 times a year, why not take action?

1. accept his poor time keeping and cook the meal half an hour later than he’s expecting, or
2. stop cooking the roast dinner.

How utterly joyless.

Decide a reasonable time when he has to be back for and make dinner for then.

2.00 - 2.30om seems a good idea.

I can't imagine being so petty about not wanting to cook it just an hour later.

If the time is mutually agreed and he is late, then I absolutely would proceed without him.
if he misses enough starts, consider just cooking for one instead.

Why do people on here always say ‘activity’ like he’s doing something clandestine? If he’s playing golf then say he’s playing golf (and then having a drink in the clubhouse, which is why he’s late home)

I get that it’s annoying but if he’s always just a bit late then I would just delay things till he gets home. If he complains he has to wait then tough.

Ugh
sounds awful. Why don't you have roast dinner in the evening and do your own thing for lunch? I just can't fathom any of this. Him being late, you starting without him, arguing about it...it's not working, do something different!

So, this isn’t really about mealtimes; it’s about feeling that you aren’t a priority for your partner. Whatever time you set for lunch, he’d ignore it and expect you to just sit and wait. Is he like this in other ways? I can see not shifting the time of lunch is essentially saying to him ‘just once, can you get it right for me?’ And he keeps letting you down. The way you show anger and disappointment is by leaving him to eat alone. If he would accept there is a problem, then maybe you could see a relationship counsellor to look at the feelings beneath the lunch issue?

I couldn't live with that level of rigidity, same dinner at the same time every Sunday.

But to solve your problem, tell him to be home for 1pm but don't have dinner ready until 2pm, or even god forbid 5pm.

You're in the right. If he wanted it to be later, he could tell you so. Instead, he prances off agreeing to be back for 1pm, then stands you up. Damn right you should eat it hot! And he should grow a pair.

P.S. why not invite guests round for the dinner now and then, then at least you'd have guaranteed appreciative company!

YANBU OP

Whatever the time is: 1pm, 2pm, 3pm. If he's late then it's rude of him to expect you to let your hard work go cold and wait for him. You seem relaxed that he can reheat his and you don't seem to mind so I think he's being incredibly rude by insisting this of you

So what time does he usually get home?

To me this whole set up sound's claustrophobic 😬

Not relaxed for anyone

OP he may say 1pm is fine but it clearly isn't. So be bold and make a unilateral decision to push it back to a time after^^ he usually manages to make it home. If he's still late, that's a different conversation.

Exactly.
There you go OP, you’ve had this problem for 30 years and we’ve solved it in 5 minutes.
It’s common practice. I always tell my kids we’re going out 15 minutes earlier than we actually are, to ensure they’re ready.

It's been 30 bloody years! Sounds like you know what to do, give him a time that's 30 minutes earlier than the 'real' time, and you can both eat together.

If you loved it later would he still be late? I would be tempted to agree a new time but if he is not back in time ( and doesn’t let you know he will be late) I would eat without him.

He is being rude. If he wants to socialise past 1pm he needs to just say so, not agree to a time he’s then going to not bother to stick to.

OK thanks for clarifying. I was going to say YABU for insisting on cooking it for a time that doesn't suit and suggest you compromise on a later time that works.

But if, as you say, he would be late at whatever time you agreed then YANBU and he is being rude.

Have you thought of eating in the early evening instead? We do this because we usually like to go out for a good walk on Sundays during the day.

Meet him at the pub for a relaxing Sunday lunch out.

If he agrees to 1 and is then late, he's the rude one. Why should you wait?

You could say 2 but I imagine he would still then be late.

I'd consider making yourself some lunch and tell him to get his own.

This. The socialising after a hobby is a really important part. You seem very rigid about it.

So if he struggles to leave, you're fine with him staying and he would like you to eat together, make the dinner for later!!!

But it doesn't take much prep I'd peel and par boil go out or have a relaxing read while meat rests bung veg and spuds in when he's home and meat rests for the hour it's ment to....or get an air fryer and do it all in 50 mins

Tell him 1pm and serve at 1:30