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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/12/2023 11:16

It might be good and it might not.

A long time ago we took our 2 year olds to Spain.

They hated the beach and wouldn't walk on or touch the sand.

They had to be constantly supervised around the pool as they couldn't swim and were fascinated by it.

One got an ear infection and screamed the whole sodding flight over there. We then had to engage with the Spanish health system (which is very good but you couldn't call it relaxing) and get antibiotics into
Him.

It might be good.. and it might really not.

We never took them anywhere hot again for several years.

Sundaefraise · 30/12/2023 11:15

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

Honestly, I think I would feel the same. I have a child with asd, and holidays can be very tricky, throw a 2yo in the mix and it could be hell. However we have stayed in some lovely places in the UK and it been pretty relaxing and manageable.

2024BigWhoop · 30/12/2023 11:11

I’m with your husband.

A holiday abroad with young children is nothing but stress. It certainly isn’t a time of rest and relaxation.

Save your money and wait until your youngest is about 5.

AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 11:10

My kids HATE the sun and being hot. UK holidays don't have to be grotty. If you've got more of a budget book a nicer one. We stayed in a lovely lodge near the beach, took the kids swimming every day, did some local day trips. We'll go abroad once they are more tolerant of not being their optimum temperature. Miserable children isn't a holiday for anyone.

CharlotteRumpling · 30/12/2023 11:10

Mine was a bad sleeper as well but I would rather not sleep on the beach than not sleep in the pissing rain.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2023 11:09

Just go on your own Op
kids or no kids I couldn’t stay in the uk year on year

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2023 11:08

I went to Majorca with my 2 year old a few years ago. To sum it up I would say ‘same shit as at home but unbearably hot.’ It wasn’t worth it.

CharlotteRumpling · 30/12/2023 11:08

I am in the miserable sod camp here, but then I took my toddlers on holiday in Asia on a long haul flight. Spain is hardly exhausting.

hopeishere · 30/12/2023 11:07

Don't book a grotty Airbnb!! I will only book somewhere as nice if not nicer than my own home. Must have a pool as well!!

Stick in a hotel room trying to wrangle two unsettled kids would be hell. Maybe go for a week.

DNLove · 30/12/2023 11:05

I think with young kids the key is having space. My hell on earth is sharing a 1 bed apartment or family suite with 2 kids. One wakes and all are awake. Someone get up early, they wake everyone else.
Center Parcs have lots of European ones. You have 2 bed rooms, lots of space, can ferry over bring more home comforts, even familiar food for asd DD. The weather isn't too hot, pools are amazing, great playgrounds, play centers and extremely family friendly. Picnics on a boat on the lake. Family bikes to cycle around. My favourite is Villages Nature beside Disney, the play center has the cafe so you can sit with a glass of wine and some snacks and unwind while kids play. Even better you can get kids to bed and chill on the couch with a bottle of wine and a box set without disturbing anyone. Some have great jacuzzi baths, fill with bubbles to entertain kids for a bit.

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 11:05

I would seriously consider taking turns to go away on your own though. I agree with this.

Toddlers often bloody hate holidays anyway, they like home.

Missingmybabysomuch · 30/12/2023 11:04

Holidays with non sleeping kids are miserable. It's just the same shit in a different place where you have less space, it's more hot, and less of your own stuff around for convenience. Plus youbhave the hassle of packing, travelling and unpacking. If they don't sleep it keeps everyone awake and with your older one having ASD there is every chance they may find the experience overwhelming rather than "amazing" too. I would save the money personally.

Torganer · 30/12/2023 11:04

We only have one child, but we’ve had some amazing holidays with them. They are just over 2 now, and I find dealing with tantrums etc much easier when I am away happy on holiday without the day to day routine.

We both work full time, so really appreciate being away either exploring cities or playing on the beach.

I would recommend an air B&B so you can have separate rooms and cooking space. Go out during the day and lunch out, then cook something light in the evening. They at least you can have the evenings to yourself and not creeping around a hotel room (that certainly wouldn’t be much of a holiday!).

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2023 11:04

Joking apart I can see that a foreign holiday with a toddler is a ballache and maybe a bit pointless.

As long as you think he's being practical and not turning into a professional Victor Meldrew, which seems to happen to so many men once they're married with children.

I would seriously consider taking turns to go away on your own though. Family holidays with tiny children are miserable. Everyone needs to get away from it all.

LlynTegid · 30/12/2023 11:03

Depending on where you live, Eurostar to Paris and a connecting train will take you to sunny parts of France.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 11:02

How does your 8 year old cope with holidays in the UK, and does she sleep?

Scarletttulips · 30/12/2023 11:02

Having missed several chances of holidays over the years - I made a decision to take the children by myself and had a great time!!
I now go with friends.

If they don’t want to go - go or alone or as PP said take the older one and leave the toddler to DH.

Dont regret the things you don’t do.

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 10:59

I selected YABU because I think it is unfair of you to call him miserable when I think he has reasonable and understandable reasons for not wanting a holiday this year. I felt you were being quite judgemental of your DH for holding a different view.

Holidays are marketed as the solution to tiredness/boredom/burnout but for many people they take away more energy than they give back.

There is nothing inherently better about being a person who goes on holiday vs. being a person who is happy at home.

I have sometimes travelled and sometimes not travelled. I do not 'holiday' when I need a rest, I travel when I have a desire to see something. So if your DH is tired, I empathise with not wanting a 'holiday' to use up the last bit of battery life.

PrueRamsay · 30/12/2023 10:57

Could you go with a friend or family member instead if he doesn’t want to go?

PixiePirate · 30/12/2023 10:57

Tbh I can see this from both points of view (helpful 😬). Having followed pretty much your own experiences and thought processes ourselves when the kids were younger, I’m not sure I’d bother going on a traditional package holiday until the youngest is a bit older. We experienced the same challenges as at home, just in a hotter climate with more irritable children. We found it just brought further disappointment at the wasted facilities and sights, and increased expense.

After a couple of disastrous package holidays we started going on Eurocamp holidays in Northern France, Belgium and Holland. It was a good compromise for us as we could take our own car (full of useful stuff for the kids), the accommodation and sites were set up for families, and it was significantly cheaper than flying to Spain and staying in a hotel. There’s one near Disneyland Paris that’s really nice and several that I’d recommend in The Netherlands.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 10:57

I can see his point, tbh...

JMSA · 30/12/2023 10:55

YANBU.

Toomuch44 · 30/12/2023 10:54

Could there be a compromise on this, ie you review things this time next year and if sleeping is better, you look at something abroad then. It's a lot of money to pay out if you can enjoy the whole thing.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/12/2023 10:51

You've got a very good chance of a toddler not sleeping and an older child not sleeping. Add in the possibility of neither liking the beach or pool (or the younger one liking it so much, you spend your time sprinting after them to stop them plummeting head first into the sea/deep end) and waiting until there is relatively reliable sleeping sounds far more appealing.

Debtfreegoals · 30/12/2023 10:51

Why don’t you put the funds away for 2025? I know it seems ages away but holidays with 2 year olds are hell when abroad especially if they’re not sleeping well.