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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 30/12/2023 12:23

How bad can it be? I would go for something like Tenerife at Easter. Used to do that all the time alone with mine from about 3 years old. Admittedly, the first time I was nervous that it would feel like a chore rather than a holiday but it was amazing. Still one of the best holidays I've ever had.

Half board (so no chores) in a hotel with a pool and the beach a few minutes walk away. We repeated that exact holiday a couple more times until I put my foot down and told him that we need to be more adventurous!

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 12:23

Surely the compromise is a decent holiday on the UK?

We've stopped in some lovely Airbnb places with the kids and without. I have two weekends away with friends next year in 3 bed airbnbs I'd happily relocate to forever.

These days with kids we go Walking distance to the beach, if it's not 26° out you just dress appropriately. Somewhere that has a local soft play, arcade, museum etc.

DonnaBanana · 30/12/2023 12:17

YABU for not considering UK holidays to be proper holidays. Why not go on a shorter break everyone will enjoy? Like a few days staying at Alton Towers in a nice room or something. A few days of fun can beat two weeks flying and beaching if you prefer it

AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 12:10

Open swimming pools around the place with a 2 year old is an absolute nightmare. You can't take your eyes off them for even a minute. My two can swim now, but you still can't really let your guard down.

rwalker · 30/12/2023 12:07

I think we look at holidays abroad with rose tinted glasses
sun and fun in the pool and beach

the reality is over tried out of routine kids in noisy hotels struggling to sleep
the day of travel is a nightmare que at airport who would want to be in a 2 hour queue with a 2 year old
we had a few at work this year went abroad for a week weather was shit
permanently watching kids for 6 hours round isn’t relaxing

then you get home and think could I have spent that money on something better

go on your own with a friend

the only abroad option I would possibly consider would be a private villa with hire car
but your still on the treadmill of cooking and cleaning

Fullofxmascbeer · 30/12/2023 12:06

We did lots of eurocamp / center parcs Europe, style holidays at that age. Separate bedrooms. Lots of entertainment specifically for little kids, outdoor environments to tire them out. Driving means you can take more to make things easier for yourselves. Take it in turns to be in charge of the kids/relax.

A standard beach/ sea holiday in one room would be exhausting and would never match your expectations of a relaxing holiday,

margotrose · 30/12/2023 11:59

I agree with your DH.

Taking a toddler that doesn't sleep on a plane to a hot country is my idea of hell, to be honest. I also think your idea of being on the beach instead of at home is a bit of a pipe dream imo, sorry!

EnglishGirlApproximately · 30/12/2023 11:57

I have some sympathy with his position tbh
My 11 year old still doesn't bloody sleep and I've also decided I don't want to travel in the near future as every holiday is less enjoyable than it should be as we're all knackered. I love to travel and when DS has gone through good sleeping phases we've had wonderful trips, but when sleep is an issue it's honestly miserable. We went on a long planned trip to one of my bucket list destinations this year (booked during a good period), and I felt like the money was largely wasted tbh and I didn't enjoy it much .

WeeHaggisFace · 30/12/2023 11:51

Personally I love our holidays and they are something we all look forward to. I've always found the kids sleep better because the outdoor lifestyle tires them out more than at home to be honest. Your husband might be surprised equally it might be a disaster so maybe a short break as a compromise to trial it might be an idea? Or would you go solo with the kids?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 30/12/2023 11:51

a beach holiday probably wont be the rest you imagine it will. one of our best with small children was center parcs in europe. Eindhoven Kempervennen in particular. Lots to do.

you might need to reframe what type of holiday you are doing to make it successful. And take a pram.

WeeHaggisFace · 30/12/2023 11:48

What about a long weekend as a trial?

Babyblackbear78 · 30/12/2023 11:46

I’m with your DH on this one sorry!

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 30/12/2023 11:45

Children dont just sit at the beach and take in the view. A holiday with those ages will be full-on. I wouldnt worry about the sleep though. With the heat and constantly being on the go, they might sleep better. Mine at that age slept in a pram most of the evenings on holiday. And he was excited by everything.

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday.
But what an absolute mess we are in as a country when people feel the need to state how privileged it is to go on holiday. How privileged to not be living hand-to-mouth each month. We are now a low wage country. Our standard of living is dropping. We should be appalled people cannot afford a holiday in this day and age, not consider it a privilege.

wronginalltherightways · 30/12/2023 11:44

Take your 8 year old somewhere for a break and leave him home with the 2 year old.

5128gap · 30/12/2023 11:44

I'd also say, the fact that your UK holidays have been rubbish doesn't bode well either. Sunshine and location are only part if it. What makes or breaks a holiday are the moods and interactions of the people present and if you've not managed to enjoy a holiday yet, I don't think going abroad for the next one will be the game changer.

5128gap · 30/12/2023 11:40

He's right tbf. The challenges you have with your DC are likely to be much harder to deal with on holiday than at home. It's easy to get seduced by the thought of them playing happily on the beach in the sunshine, when the reality is often hours of prep and lugging stuff about in the heat before a huge sandy tantrum means everyone traipsing back in the heat in a bad mood.
While you might get lucky and no one gets over heated, over stimulated or over tired, enjoys the food and isn't fazed by the change in routine, it's an expensive gamble, that's only really feasible if you're both invested in taking it and making the best of it. Personally I'd not dream of adding a moaning reluctant partner to the mix so I'd either go with a friend or family member or save my money.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 11:40

The issue is really whether the benefits would justify the expense. This matters a lot when OP says they've had no or cheaper sounding holidays for years, especially when just booking for 2025 instead of 2024 is likely to make the whole experience easier. Whereas if you travel a lot, spending a couple of grand on a gamble doesn't matter as much.

tenbob · 30/12/2023 11:39

ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2023 10:37

We’ve had some great holidays but only when there is some sort of childcare - kids clubs or crèche etc

I wouldn’t go on holiday with a non sleeping toddler tbh. You’ll be awake half the night in a house not yours, trying to keep them quiet, not having your own stuff etc etc. You also can’t really relax during the day with them at that age, so no snoozing on a sun lounger.

look at somewhere like ikos which would doable, otherwise I’m with your husband on this one

It was an Ikos holiday that our toddler wrecked..!

even with their kids club and relatively sound proofed rooms, it was markedly harder to deal with the nights than at home, not least because of the lack of our stuff, snacks etc not readily available and there not being anywhere to escape to early in the morning.

Latewinter · 30/12/2023 11:33

I have an 8 year old and a non-sleeping one year old and fly all the time with them - I have to as we are posted overseas in a difficult place and we need breaks/ to see family. The flying is miserable but honestly short haul, once a year, just shouldn't be that hard. Your husband sounds like he has got into that mindset that everything is just too hard, survival mode. That will grind him right down if he lets it. I bet the sunshine would do him a world of good. He needs to break out of a rut or he'll only feel worse.

I have never got this idea that travel with kids is pointless/ too hard. My first was an absolutely atrocious sleeper, second is not much better, we always share one family hotel room and yes it's tiring but it's what they call type two fun. Difficult at the time sometimes but when you get home you feel soooooo much better for having done it. And I treasure the memories, long after I've forgotten how tiring it is. I've never done a resort, for short trips we usually do city breaks which are great if your kid will sleep in the buggy - Naples when DS1 was 2 was a great highlight - but surely at a resort you can take it in turns to be with the kids and each have some time by the pool or whatever, as it's easy to bob up and down to your room? Take a tablet for the older one and lower your parenting standards a bit for a week Grin

Twattergy · 30/12/2023 11:30

Agree with many others that a holiday with toddlers that dont sleep are hell. How's about a different approach to holidays for 2024? E.g. one adult only long weekend; one of you takes the older kid on a UK long weekend trip by train but stay in a nice hotel with pool. Each of you goes away on own somewhere? Ie divide and conquer?

Ohtobetwentytwo · 30/12/2023 11:23

How is he in life in general?

My view is that you may as well be tired in Spain as being tired at home. At least kids will be happy.

Is he the type to guilt you into doing more night stuff to try and earn him out of his grump? He sounds a bit like he will be grumpy wherever he is what did he think having a second child would be like? Is he putting his enjoyment on hold in general? Or does he still do stuff he likes, like the gyn, cycling, staying up on the playstation, and it's just stuff that you want to do that he grumps about.

Could you agree a staycation earlier in the year to rest up a bit? Like you both take the same week off and you do all childcare on mon/tues, you go out as a family wed/thurs and he does it all Friday/Saurday. Everyone gets 1:1 time and a break.

GreatGateauxsby · 30/12/2023 11:23

very honestly I would consider asking to go on holiday on my own
(their are amazing solo holidays out there - flashpack etc) and offering him the same.

WaltzingWaters · 30/12/2023 11:23

Do you possibly have someone who would look after your children so you and DH could have a few nights away? My partner and I have just been to Spain for 3 nights and left toddler with grandparents and it was lovely. I love to travel, but we’ve decided not to do much whilst toddler (and plan to have a second) are small and to wait until they’re bigger. I think it’ll just be stressful being around the pool the whole time whilst kids are tiny, and can’t do much in the evenings. I’d rather wait until they’re older and safe around water, able to join activities, able to stay up later than usual without being super cranky the next day etc.

Alt1990 · 30/12/2023 11:21

Everyone is so negative on here!
Book a holiday, I'd rather be exhausted on a beach somewhere all-inclusive where I don't have to worry about cooking, doing washing or cleaning than at home exhausted and still doing all the house jobs.
You may even find after busy few days in the sun playing, swimming and joining in with the evening entertainment your little non-sleeper might actually surprise you and sleep.
Book all-inclusuve and if your husband doesn't want to go take your mum or a friend etc.

EdgarsTale · 30/12/2023 11:17

It probably wouldn’t be much fun with a non sleeping child & an ASD child. I’d rather save for a holiday in a few years time or get someone to look after the DC while you have a nice relaxing holiday for two.