DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

I think just you going away with your 8-year-old for a short break is a great idea. Toddlers often dislike change, our DD was OK, but DS was very unsettled in new places when he was small, would refuse to eat, cried a lot etc.

For us, five was the magic age. Once DS turned five, he understood that going somewhere different could be fun and he enjoyed it. So wait a couple of years and you’ll have a much better time!

We went to several countries in Europe before DS1 was diagnosed with Autism at 5/6 and went to two beach holidays and more European ones after. The only issue for DS1 was the plane lift offs and take offs on the flights and the last flight with ear defenders, he was absolutely fine, no issues.

It’s mainly about being prepared and doing your research. I book a stroller usually £30 a week and look about the area for how close the beach is and nearest markets. DS1 enjoyed being in the pool and going into the sea. DS2 enjoyed playing in the sand and with the toys we brought along.

What about a family friendly cruise instead?

I reckon it can be done but it takes research. Eg accommodation big enough that toddler doesn't disturb others. Manageable flights - eg 2 hours tops, reasonable departure times, local airport and short transfer. Plenty of chill out time for ASD daughter and ensuring her specific needs are catered for.

We've taken our son with ASD abroad and managed to make it work. It's about finding the exact set up that works for your family.

I'd go without him, frankly. He sounds terribly negative. I don't agree that holidays with small DC are not worth it, or too difficult to do at all.

Would family babysit the children while you and DH have a 4 night mini break somewhere nice?

Book the holiday. At least you'll have a bunch of new impressions and some sunshine to take the edge off the relentlessness that is parenting a non-sleeping child!

I would highly recommend booking somewhere with a really good kids club so that DH and you can have a few hours to yourselves on a few days. Even just a few hours mean you can have a leisurely coffee together without interruptions - or lunch for just the two of you. That can make all the difference :)

In with your h. Leave the abroad holidays until the Dc are older. Go for something that will be relaxing for you all - maybe a luxury holiday cottage in the UK? That's what we did.

Go without him! I took my two kids (4 and 6 years at the time) to Spain by myself, it was great.

At that age we did low expectations Eurocamp/caravan type holidays in Europe. Loads of other kids and plenty of space for running about. Lots of child appropriate activities. We had a lot of fun.

The responses here mirror you and your DH's differing opinions and neither of you is wrong to have your view.

However your DH is being unreasonable. You should take it in turns each year to have the casting vote. You did it the way he wanted for several years now, he needs to flex this year and do what you want to do.

Go AI - no cooking, no cleaning up, and usually there is food available pretty much all day long!

Lots of places have a two room apartment - so you don't have to sit in the dark in silence if one of the kids is napping

No sleep at home or no sleep abroad... doesn't make much difference really does it. I know I'd pick the sunshine all day long.

Another who is with your dh, here.

Flying, to a hot place, with a non-sleeping 2 yr old and an 8 yr old with Autism sounds like the very opposite of relaxing.
I am a big fan of getting away, and would book a cottage somewhere in the UK.

@MooMaa83 forget Airbnb accommodation. Haven, Butlins, ParkDean will have kid entertainment on. You can join in if you want to but at least the option is there not to have to cook every night or look for stuff to do. Nothing wrong with a kiddy disco if it buys you 20 minutes of peace. Plus there will be a pool on site etc

YANBU. You won't know until you try it. If it's a disappointment you'll know to wait another couple of years until the next one.

We used to have the same debate but we pushed on through and kept having holidays. You basically need to accept that it is nothing like holidaying pre kids. But it can still be fun, we have lots of nice memories and photos, and we try to forget all the dreadful bits.

My tips would be:
Don't go somewhere mega hot and avoid the beach, it's too difficult with a toddler.
Consider going in the car to get France rather than a plane as you can take a lot more stuff including food your toddler will eat.
Make sure there is a restaurant or take away option near by so that you can skip cooking but also have a kitchen so you can cook for yourselves
Agree a schedule whereby one of you gets up in the night and has a lie in while the other gets up early.
Whatever you do, don't stay in a hotel where your toddler is going to wake up other guests.
For us the ideal holiday was a cabin on a campsite in France with a toddler friendly pool, restaurant, take away, play park etc all really nearby.

I wouldn't risk a non-sleeping toddler in a hotel room either. Eurocamp type or Centre Parcs EU will give you more space. Honestly I'd go for a better UK break this year even if it's Haven/Butlins as that should give enough options for entertainment across those ages. Hopefully the toddler sleep woes will be a thing of the past by 2025.

Goodness these answers! I had two terrible sleepers and we still really enjoyed holidays.

Admittedly we did seek out places with good kids clubs, food provided (buffet best for toddlers), basically everything done for you. Also shelled out for a separate sleeping area for older child so they didn’t wake each other up. Would not have done self catering - at least not without grandparents to help out or ability to get food delivered or something.

We had the two year old that wouldn’t sleep. She slept much better on holiday - we were out all day every day, made her walk everywhere, playing on the beach, swimming in the sea. Being outside and active made her more tired and she did sleep better. Obviously it wasn’t perfect but it was a lot better.

Oh I would go! You're not going to sleep at home anyway, and the new environment might tire them out!

We didn’t go abroad with toddlers, my idea of hell, constant supervision, no safe space for them to play on their own so there is no sitting down to relax, read or sunbathe. They don’t sit nicely for meals. It’s just a lot of hard work. Can’t you go on your own with a friend for a few days?

A week away with a friend or family member and DH looks after kids then you home and he gets to go away for a week somewhere with his mates. Or you take kids somewhere with AI and a kids club/crèche. You'd get a break from house chores and if you're up in the night with a toddler you can snooze in the day whilst they are at loo IDs club/crèche.

why would you waste money to take a toddler abroad when they dont sleep probably not eat that great either. save the money.

Just because he dosent want to go, why should his decision trump yours?

You want to go. You need a break, its not all about the kids.

It also might not be too bad, people always fear the worst.