Husband GOT UP

Asking you for snacks and tea is not OK

But expecting him to stay in the bedroom in his OWN house is unreasonable

This is why WFH is ridiculous if you don't have a dedicated area. You expect people to tip toe quietly round their own home because you're using it as an office

well no - that's down to OP not having nipped the DCs requests in the bud. It seems that generally the DH isn't there and the niggle was only that he got up unexpectedly early.

OP has said herself that she is partly UR.

BUT - normally, this particular DH, when off work for any reason whatsoever, confines himself to the bedroom, snoring like a walrus and keeping out of the way.

This new "activity" is unsettling. It's like when caribou begin an early migration, or there is an unprecedentedly large number of ladybirds swarming in English gardens . . . The balance of Nature is Upset. It is perturbing. Like a Harbinger of Doom.

Our lizard-brain is unnerved by it, and it seems to herald disaster . . . instinctively we prepare ourselves for The End of Times. We need time - usually several years of gritting our teeth - to adapt.

It's like Daphne Du Maurier's "The Birds".

(Also, they just get on your tits ).

Also, it's very telling that the kids overlook the functional,on holiday ,doing nothing adult in the house and they go bother their mum. Never mind the fact that that so called functional adult also bothers OP for nonsense.

Usually it's because the man insists everyone is out of the way and quiet.

OP hasn't had that luxury yet. Kids and husband continuously interrupt her in person or by text, asking for stuff, asking where stuff is, showing her videos on the phone. So yes , she snapped over a silly thing and it looks like a massive overreaction. However, that is an accumulation of days of interruption and a family that consider their wants more important than her work.

Completely different situations.

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

Oh come on. How hard is it buy cheap kettle and take a mug, tea, coffee and milk into the bedroom?

I think I would investigate creating some work space in the garden. U then separate work and home

Your family have no respect for you or your work. It's that simple OP.

Maybe some stark reminders to them all about what your loss of income would mean for them might help? Fewer holidays, not new clothes, no treats- whatever.

Presumably your income is needed for the family, and you're not working just for job satisfaction.

That's one side of it.

The other is it IS a family home. So it's not realistic to sit in the kitchen or wherever you are, expecting them to shut up and tiptoe around you.

You should try to find a longer term solution to your working space if it's always going to be from home. Saying the bedroom is cold is a bit of weak excuse, surely?

how are you doing, OP? i totally get it is frustrating, but you can fix this - make it a new year's resolution!

Your headline isn't really describing the issue is it? (I though your H had suffered from ED or something :))

Honestly, this is all within your control.

Your children aren't babies.
Your H sounds a prat.

All you need to do is to make it very clear - in a 'family conference' setting, all round the table- - without shouting and losing it in the moment, that you need space to work at home.

You've allowed your children and your H to behave like hopeless dependents so it's time to woman-up.

But at the same time, you are being unrealistic to expect family life to stop just because you need to work when you are in the same room as they are.

Some of the stuff you mention can be changed.

Your bedroom is cold? Get a heater or put the CH on.
Make a space for a small desk or a laptop stand.
Maybe invest in a home office in the garden if you are going to WFH long term.

@BlackWhiteWhatNow

i think it's a bit of both. It can be quite difficult not to speak to someone who is sitting in the middle of a living space, so I think you need to make yourself less visible (using a bedroom) & if there's another space you can use, it's totally unreasonable to make living spaces unusable.

However, there's a lack of respect of you/your work if they don't even try to leave you alone.

Where were you sitting drinking your tea?

you need to appreciate that it's primarily their home, not a work space & he is your DH. Coukd you not have said good morning & asked him if he wanted a cup of tea (as you were making it for yourself anyway, chatted for a couple of minutes then asked him if he coukd take his tea into another space as you needed to get in with work now??

Kids banging on the door (they are 12 and 14) no excuse really I do usually tell them I can't serve them at this time. I'm hoping the learning will happen soon

This is absolutely shocking. I genuinely thought you were talking about small children.

Why are your 'serving' them at all when you should be working? Mind you, if Mumsnetting passes as work, perhaps that's why they're not taking you seriously?

I'd also like to add that since my DH retired he does respect my office space (and did when he was off and i had to work at the dining table in the living room). He does all the shopping too which is a bonus.

I agree with this one. Provision of a suitable workspace is a cost of work, whether that’s renting office space, or buying a house with a dedicated office room. Though I do to some extent feel your frustration.

It’s time you stopped being the snack dispenser.

OP is stopping herself from working tho. I'm with the pp who pointed out that after WFH became this huge thing there was a whole slew of "i wish he'd go back to the office" followed by countless replies of "yeah, it's your home you should be able to relax" answers

Which also apply here. WFH when the others are there has been an issue up to now, that OP should have already nipped in the bud. Christmas is not a surprise to anyone, and i am assuming that the DH and DCs being off is also not a surprise (if it is: shared calendars are A Thing)

So for the sake of a few occasions where they are all home but OP still wants to work the café or quiet car park are a sensible solution.

But tbh if i were making a cup of tea (as i do often when i WFH) and my DH is there i never ever fail to offer to make him one too, and am going to assume that OP was initially grumpy at Unexpected DH in the Teaing Area and that's why that was included in the OP. (I am lucky in that since DCs moved out i have an actual office at home)

Snap!!! I work from home as a creative, DP is a HGV driver so usually it’s just me and the cats and I can get my head down and concentrate. I find I get annoyed just by his presence when I’m trying to work and I can’t explain it because as soon as I log off I love having him around.

So whilst I really want to say YABU let the man enjoy his tea in peace, I know exactly how you feel and would be quietly raging inside too!

Google "coworking spaces", might a solution for however many days you need.

You need A Room Of One’s Own

op - Veignina Woolf was right.

seriously, go out to a cafe? Long yemr
find a desk space you can rent when you need?

i find boundaries are home easier to uphold when I am physically there less as they have to all find new habits when I’m actually out of the house

Nonsense!

OP is sitting around not working because her DP sitting around not working is stopping her from working!

i voted YABU because presumably this is not new news to OP that people want to spend time in heir house, and while yes it is where she works and her DH doesn't normally do this - she has chosen this as her working environment.

So it is on her if she hasn't been loudly and repeatedly clear to EVERYONE that when she's working she is not to be spoken to. Wearing headphones would help with that, as a compromise, as would possibly setting up in a corner somewhere and designating that as "when I'm here, i'm not here and you have to cope by yourselves"

Her DH is BVVVVVU in asking her to make tea since he presumably knows how she makes her living.

You are right that you need to be firmer with them. I wfh and my partner and 8 yo know when I'm working not to disturb me. The 8 yo knows if he is at home while I work h3 don't disturb me during certain hours unless its an emergency (I have had to explain tv show he can't find is not an emergency from time to time tho so it's not perfect lol) but if he can manage that older kids and adults definitely can. And my office is in his room!

I TOTALLY understand your frustration but this is such an interesting one...we have similar issues when it comes to the home also being a space for work. A home is a home first and foremost though I think, and a bedroom is a bedroom, not an office. I'm starting to think WFH only works if you have dedicated work space eg an office. Otherwise you might need to look into workspaces near you where you could eg rent a desk - for your own sake as much as anything? It's hard to ask people not to act as though they are in their own home when they are: you're asking the same space to take on multiple roles, and it's you that gets to push the button and switch from "home" to "office" based on your schedule.

It's all so interesting and a bit depressing how gendered this is, though. I have done a lot of reading about how different authors, artists etc worked at their homes throughout history, and it's very clear that men have always felt able to defend their space and headspace even at home, yelling at anyone who disturbed them, expecting their wives to leave lunch/tea outside the door and creep away while they worked without disturbance - whereas women who've tried to work at home always get sucked back into their domestic role in the domestic space.