Husband GOT UP

Agree with this - though I'd add - these are the times I'm working; I'll be in this room; I'll be finished by x time.

Really clear boundaries.

I don't think I could wfh, even the dogs would annoy me. Perimenapausal though. I've even got bifolding doors to shut my boss out. So I feel for you.

I'm not in a high wage role though but do live 5 minutes drive from the office.

OP was standing there making her own. He didn't summon her from her laptop.

I completely get your frustration, I really do.

But equally - you are being massively unreasonable.

It's the Christmas break. You're working in a family shared space. Your DH is perfectly entitled to get up and have tea in that space.

If you WFH, you either need a designated office space OR agreed time / space that you'll occupy, can't be disturbed. So that's a conversation before Christmas to agree days you'll work, times & location.

Absolutely teens can get their own stuff but I've teens too and when I WFH they disturb me too, not to get them stuff but to chat to me or ask me if they can do something or whatever. Yes, to clear boundaries there too.

The challenge about WFH is that it's 'from home' & the natural boundary of the office building, or the construction site, isn't there. So it does require creating with a physical or artificial boundary that you can enforce.

It's baffling l that instead of having a family meeting and telling everyone in the household to leave you the fuck alone while your working that some are suggesting you sit in a service station car park

The slurping would have me in tomorrows newspaper front page: local woman kills man with single tea mug.

My husband is annoying when I’m trying to work. The only difference is, he’d be making me a cup of tea. He wouldn’t dream of asking me to make him one.

find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate

I presume you have told them all this-in all seriousness? Repeat it each time he interrupts you.

Do you have clear-‘now I’m working’ times or is there an overspill between times you’re working or times you’re on Mumsnet on your laptop and he can’t tell when you can’t be disturbed?

I sometimes intend to have a lie in but can’t stay asleep, so will get up-it’s fine for him to want a cup of tea in that situation (though I’m sure he could make it!) but it’s also fine for you to take your tea and laptop and say you’ll go into the bedroom as you’re working and want to be undisturbed until x.

If you really can’t work with others around, I think I’d plan sessions in the library. Get a flask of tea and just go.

Just read your kids are 12 and 14. I would be furious if they can't understand simple instructions or get their own snacks. My 7yo will use his head and ask dh if I'm busy and the other way around. Your kids are just lazy and inconsiderate to you. At 14??

This you are working here.

I'm a sahm quite I'll with the flu now. Dh is wfh but managed to wake up with the 1yo and 7yo and sort them out with breakfast and got them playing with something while I just had an extra sleep. And he's working. Your dh needs to step up massively.

And absolutely when he goes back to work turn up there with videos at the ready and the most mundane questions !!

Headphones and for kids a sign on the door and snacks in a box. Sign states where snacks are and if you are planning lunch say what time on the sign, if you're leaving them to it (they are old enough) put out what they can make. I either leave a tin of beans or noodles out if it's a snack lunch or make something and leave it in the oven and add to the sign, 'Lasagna in Oven 3 minutes microwave.'
Now they don't even come to the door as they know to check oven and snack box. I don't physically feed my kids in working hours, just takes a bit of prep first thing to ensure the 12 and 16 yr old have food available.
Finally if you have a DH at home, why isn't he cooking and feeding his children?

I go into the office / work elsewhere when I need peace and quiet. I wouldn’t expect my husband and kids to tiptoe around me in their own home. To be fair DH is great and gets it but DS is 4 and I can’t expect him to be quiet and stay out of communal rooms.

As an aside I’m in the office right now - literally the only person in - and it’s blissful!

Ok I must be the odd one out then! I like having people around while I'm getting on with work at home during the holidays. I don't think I've ever been bothered by people breathing. I wouldn't expect members of the family to have a lie-in or stay in their bedrooms just because they don't have much on, and I definitely wouldn't mind someone asking me for a cup of tea if I was already making one for myself.

Just brainstorming here OP, does a friend, relative or neighbour have a spare room you could go and work in? How about the library? Or a cafe a bit of a drive away? Is there a coworking space near you?

I don’t think you should be interrupted during work but I also think it’s perfectly fine for your husband to come into his own kitchen and request a tea that you were already making!!

Oh my god, @BlackWhiteWhatNow - you are being very, very, very, very reasonable! I work in a creative job too, and my DH and I both work mostly from home since the pandemic. My favourite would be when he came in to whichever room I picked and sit down, without speaking to me, but start scrolling Facebook videos on his feed at volume. And then get arsey when I picked up my laptop and moved to a different room. Or the hundred questions routine.

We moved to a bigger house. Now I have many rooms to move to rather than having to put myself in the downstairs loo for some peace and focus time 😂

He also is a sleeper in, while I’m an early bird and those rare days he gets up at a reasonable hour make me want to cry.

Garden room. Stat.

Why do they think you’re their servant? Tell them to sort out their own refreshments etc.

Totally on your side @BlackWhiteWhatNow . Your husband is an arse.

Build yourself a blanket Fort! Sing at the front NO HUSBAND or kids. I'm going to guess you've already explained to them you're working... I don't wfh but if I'm on a phonecall or settling baby or having a bath ect they will all come find me to ask trivial questions =/ =/ despite there being another adult downstairs so can't imagine how off putting it is while trying to work. What about creating snack boxes the night before ?

@m00rfarm is a genius. They are building a huge charisma station for electric cars near me at the moment. I'm seriously thinking of getting one so I can just go and hang out there for an hour with my book

OP is BU to commandeer communal space to work in, absolutely. But she'd still be left with the problem of getting constantly disturbed if she were in a private space with a door. If a 14 year old thinks it's acceptable to bang on the door of a bedroom to ask for snacks when they know she's working, a garden office may not solve this problem either. There also needs to be behavioural change.

Sorry. I forgot to add an elastic band to snap at him if he dares disturb you again.

This is why WFH doesn't really work unless you have a dedicated, private space to do it in - when you do have that space it works well. DS1 WFH regularly but we have a spare room he works in so life can carry on (although I do have to be quiet if he is sitting an exam up there!)

If you can get your DH to build you a "shed" this will a) get him out of your hair (more so if he ropes the DC in to assist!) and b) give you that space.

it sounds like you are suffering from People Overload though. I must admit to a sigh of relief when the DC went off to their dad's house and left me totally alone here.

What is wrong with them? They have no respect for you, the family servant.

You need to make it absolutely clear that you're not to be disturbed. Stick a sign up on the bedroom door and lose your shit if need be.

In currently sitting in the cafe at my gym because I wfh and have to be in today and no one in my house understands the concept of it (including dh who also wfh but is off til the 3rd-and who we weirdly all have to be quiet around when he has one of his busy and important calls )

Dunno OP, most women on here with WFH husbands seem to think them working in the house is really annoying and that they should go elsewhere to work since the home is their home not workplace. I do get it, I’m hybrid and value WFH but ultimately the home is a home and things happen there that will cause disruption. Although him asking you to make a cuppa was dickish if you were working.