To let my step daughter call me "mum" ?

The best I could come up with? What point is it I’ve said im trying to prove exactly? People were asking for examples of those who said they don’t think for whatever reason that the OP should call her mum because they couldnt recall. I didn’t trawl through all 18 pages, I don’t have time for that but if people want to be argumentative about it, then they probably should RTFT. That was page one. As I’ve said upthread, it wasn’t my point I was just posting for their information.

I hope you don't have children.

Some parent!!

Maybe you're the one who needs to read the full thread, next time...

Aww, she's just being affectionate and she wants to be part of the babies and you and William's life, especially with an absent mother. I'm sure she calls her mum mum as well when she sees her.

I'd tell son that she is half sister to the babies. He can stop being stroppy!

A whole two in an 18 page-long thread? And even then, both posters made alternative suggestions.

No wonder most posters didn't take them under their notice!

Is that the best you can come up with?

You asked for examples, I found you some. Just because it wasn’t littered with negative posters, the point was made presumably because in this case it’s hard to conceive it could be anything other than unanimously in favour of the OP. However, whether you agree or disagree, one person is equally as entitled to their point of view as another. This is an online forum, not a school playground. One doesn’t need a point to be endorsed by others to be valid or considered. What an odd point of view you hold. I actually only made it to page 3 and decided it was an arduous task but they were from page one. I can very well imagine there may be more. I don’t feel that need either, I just remember reading some early on in the thread. It wasn’t actually my point. I was just helping you find some examples as you asked so nicely.

show door as in compel him to leave? What if he cannot or will not go
what about impact on rest of family? Where will he go?
How does the son being forced to leave home help? It will reinforce feeling of abandonment and loss. Throwing him out is harsh and unnecessary

What exactly does “ showing him the door” mean? Out of OP’s life?

Did you say he was 19!?! An actual ADULT whose having a hissy fit over someone else saying Mummy?! That is v odd OP. I'd be showing him the door...

This is a very wise post Op, especially the bit about some things being too complicated for a thread. It really isn’t a case of “choosing” one child’s needs over the other and justifying that, but of working to resolve the issues as a family.

One definitely no and one MumForename compromise. Hardly a deluge of nay sayers. Not a ringing endorsement of your point.
However,you did go back to check and unearthed two posts. I have read the thread, have evidently not retained every single post. I don’t feel I need to have a memorised timeline of content. I have actively contributed and will continue to do so

I know this is a harsher opinion- but I’d probably tell my son to grow the f up and mind his own business.

I feel for both your son and SD.

It’s lovely your SD feels secure enough to call you mum.

There’s definitely something underlying with your son, whether he says there is or not. Maybe a (subconscious or conscious) fear of abandonment. I definitely don’t agree with posts that show no empathy towards him. I feel like some things on MN are far too complex to resolve through a forum, given there will likely be far more to the situation than you would be able to explain / explore on here. Have you tried a therapist, or family therapist? I hope you can find a way that works for everyone, OP.

FloofCloud · Yesterday 21:48

I think mum is too much as there's more than you and her involved. Why not pick another name like mama or something familiar around your own name (so
juju if you're Julie etc ... but solely for her?) or anything that can be portrayed as you being a little different in your relationship? Just tomkeep your own child/children supported too and her own mother really is her mum

RedHelenB · Yesterday 21:42
But you're not her mum. Could she call you mum and then your name? Having said that , it's not up to your son to decide.

First page, maybe read the full thread next time.

Absolutely this 🌸
To even suggest denying your little one (from another mother) the connection she needs at the moment breaks my heart @Lospecesenelrio so I can feel the turmoil you are feeling.
Your son still has a lot of growing up to do (frontal lobe development crap and all). Stand your ground and be the adult in the room for all your children 🌸

RTFT. First page.

Yes it’s appalling.

There are some very cruel people on here suggesting that a small girl should not be able to call you mum ⬅️ where?who? Examples please . Cannot recall reading any such posts

There are some very cruel people on here suggesting that a small girl should not be able to call you mum

Where?

blended family has been repeatedly raised as has attachment and family dynamics
When these topics are raised it’s usually been derided with a terse advice to man up, or get rid

Can I just point something out to you here - not one single poster has suggested that a small girl should not be able to call the OP mum!!!!

But OP also has a son with issues around it, for whatever reason, and his emotions count too. The situation needs to be managed very sensitively, taking everyone's interests and needs into consideration!

I think everyone’s skipping over the blended family part here still.

child teen and now adult his clearly been feeling slowly pushed out. His now the only outsider. Everyone else is full
time with mummy and daddy. His the only one who has a split home for years now. The mum thing is likely his tipping point his last straw on feeling an outsider.

but it’s fine his 19 and a male fuck him 🙄

There are some very cruel people on here suggesting that a small girl should not be able to call you mum. Thank god you are kinder. As for your son, 19 is hard, wanting to be an adult but knowing you are not fully able to be independent or support yourself yet. Take him out, have a conversation with him, emphasis your support for him but also that this little girl is going to get what she needs.

Is this kind of jealous behaviour uncommon in your son or more of a recognised personality trait ? I think the answer to that would influence what I said to him but in essence he is going to have to accept the situation and learn that he cannot emotionally blackmail people into doing his bidding. For one thing his emotional future life will certainly be adversely affected if he believes this kind of behavior is acceptable.
I am the worst at mollycoddling my children but always draw the line at behavior I believe is detrimental to their future happiness and those around them. This behaviour of your DS falls into this category.
You do not have to feel apologetic for feeling this way about your SD , you obviously love her . This is an important life lesson for DS and a potentially wonderful, incredibly positive outcome in your SD's emotional development