To let my step daughter call me "mum" ?

Omg some of these posts…. Imagine telling a 9 year old child they can’t call you mum when you’ve been their mum for the majority of their life and their own mother abandoned them, what kind of trauma would that do to her. You sound like you’ve been fantastic, especially for even considering your DS unreasonable expectations. I’d tell him to crack on and call fathers wife mum if he feels like it. Sorry OP he needs to grow up!

Sometimes people don’t realise. It can throw it up as a similar thread suggestion and unless you actually check the date it isn’t always that clear.

I don’t think there is anything sinister in it.

Why are you bothered? Just curious.

Why have you responded to such an old thread? Just curious.

Armchair psychology so feel free to ignore!…
I can’t understand a 19yo feeling like this but he was about 10yo when your SD came into your lives and the feeling of displacement from that time may be runnning deep. You say she was 10mo when you met your partner, so if you were pretty hands-on then it would have had impacted time you spent with your 10yo. Even if you weren’t hands-on the dynamic would have changed and children of blended families can struggle.
Your son’s reaction maybe that of a 10yo’s because it reflects how he felt back then.

You are her mum you the one that has cared for her and been her mum , your 19 year old who is legally and adult truely needs to grow up , I would sit him down and explain that it's is absolutely vile for him to try to deny a small child of her wishes to call you mum what difference does it make , if he wants to be silly explain he's old enough to move out , I would except or tolerate this behaviour from a child let alone an adult man , the fact he has no empathy for her is extremely worrying imo, you seem lovely but I feel he's probably a bit childish and spoilt and needs putting in his place

It's probably for the best for now. At least he's talking to you. Maybe he will reflect with a bit of space.

I hope his dad will gently support you and explain why one more person calling you mum doesn't mean you love him less.

That's so unbelievably sad OP, I'm really truly sorry - I can't imagine what you must be going through right now :/
Sending many virtual hugs your way!

That's hard for you. I'm glad that you can speak to him daily. Maybe as time goes on and his dad can talk to him over time, he will come to understand. He is lucky to have 2 parents who communicate with each other and support him together despite bo longer being together. So many font manage that and you should feel proud of that. [ flowers]

Yes, have to agree really, as sad as it must make you feel, it's probably for the best (certainly for your dd) and he very likely needs the time and space to work things through. How are things between you? I guess you just have to keep the lines of communication open and continue to show him you love him. Hopefully with time he will see that it doesn't really make any difference what dd calls you.

@Lospecesenelrio in am sorry your son wasn’t able to resolve his feelings about this.

Although I think some space and perspective could do him good. He may over time become embarrassed at his reaction to this situation - particularly the odd comments about dating his little sister.

Absolutely the best thing for everyone . It does sound like he has some serious issues though even outside of this.

Very sorry to hear that, but at that age he could have moved out to uni full time or joined the army. That doesn’t take away the hurt that it was unexpected or the reasons behind it.

Your love for your family shines through and it is so lovely to hear how happy your daughter is calling you mum.

I'm so sorry @Lospecesenelrio. I hope one day your son will understand why you needed to do this for your daughter though.

How can you possibly know how your son or anyone else’s son would feel in this situation?!

Parenting is meant to consider the needs of ALL your children. Horrible advice!

Why are you expressing such ignorance?!

Sorry to hear your update OP, the professional help is a good idea and appears necessary.

Yes unfortunately, you should listen to your gut feeling, especially as you know him the best.

I think it makes it all the more important to stick to your decision and enforce boundaries.

Don’t berate yourself though, you seem like a very caring person and you’ve done your best as a mum and SM through all difficulties.

I don’t disagree that the step daughter calling her mum is the right thing to do. And the step daughter is very important in all of this. She should be prioritising her needs of course.

But she should also be prioritising the needs of her son who clearly feels pushed out. And yes logically we can say of course he’s not being pushed out, and he may know this logically himself, but when issues are deep rooted and coming from childhood it’s not always as simple as applying logic to a feeling. Sometimes we don’t know why those feelings are there or even realise that’s what they are. Attachment issues could have occurred due to a variety of situations in early life, which may be causing this reaction in him right now. Finding professional help is probably the best thing right now in the best interest of everyone involved.

Of course boundaries are important. But being invested in the emotional needs of our children is crucial. That’s also (a huge part of) parenting.

*Edited to emphasise the importance of us parents being aware of our children’s emotional needs, and that emotional needs don’t just stop at 18 when a child becomes ‘adult’

You're not the brightest spark are you.

Tell me you haven't read the tread, without telling me you haven't read the thread. 🙄

Then the clear answer is to adopt the daughter and become here legal mother.

Im shocked by this because my 19 year old son would never act this way towards me. Get him some help - try the university student help.

Did you not read that he's 19 and sounds like he should be leaving home soon anyway?

The OP has already tried to be nice and inclusive and reassure.

You can still be inclusive and reassure but also say enough is enough, the girl is calling me mum and if you feel uncomfortable about it then perhaps it's time you moved out.

At this point she should be putting the child first not her spolit son. Have you also not considered how this is affecting the child who's old enough to be picking up on her step brother's animosity.

And yes, if my children are acting like spolit brats or doing something that upsets one of my other children I make it very clear that I won't tolerate that behaviour. It's called parenting.

Lovely. What a way to potentially confirm his feelings of being excluded. As if this is the only way around it.

Some people on here appear to have no knowledge whatsoever on human psychology, certainly no clue on anything with any depth greater than a puddle. I genuinely hope you’re not all parenting your own kids with this attitude.