To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

But again: why shouldn't women work if they want to?

Not one scrap of compelling evidence has yet been provided as to why children with working mothers have worse outcomes. Because they don't.

But you can argue on that basis that there's no point to any kind of debate, discussion or thought about the way we live.

Of course in the real world people have to adjust their lives to fit their circumstances. Very few people have a "perfect" solution to this. Some people have to work and don't want to, some people can't work and do want to. Most people muddle along somewhere in the middle. And whatever is best for your family (including you) is always the best solution.

But that doesn't mean you don't get to discuss things and think about whether the society you live in is the best it could be for the largest number of people. Without debate, there's no progress.

I just take issue with the mums who would rather work than look after their little children, please read my posts before going off on one.

How is it different though? Whether you need or want to work ...the outcome is the same for the child 🤷🏼‍♀️
And spoiler alert it's no different to those who had a SAHM

Then there's no point to 99% of threads on here.

But why just women?

If a man can choose to work and not be selfish or not need to 'step up', why is it different for women who choose to work?

I feel like I've answered this already but you may not have seen so:

a) It matters to me, partly for personal reasons (because I don't like being slagged off as a bad mother for working to support my kid, particularly by people who have never had to do it). Actually some people on this thread such as @youngones1 in particular are saying working mums are bad mums. So yes, I'm defensive about this and I will continue to defend myself and I won't apologise for this.

b) It matters to me because I feel really strongly that in general it's a good thing for women who want to work to be supported in doing so. That doesn't mean I think all women should work or that I look down on SAHMs. But when I see lame, lazy attacks on women for working such as "they should put their children first", I feel an obligation to stand up for all working women. I think it's really important. Nothing changes if you don't change out-dated, lazy stereotypes.

c) Because I love a good diatribe.

SouthLondonMum22 - there is no point in any of this though. People will just do what they feel they need to do.

@Thepeopleversuswork stop being so childish, I am talking about the women who have a choice, the ones who don't need to work. I am more than aware of the many women who have to work, this thread is not about them. I just take issue with the mums who would rather work than look after their little children, please read my posts before going off on one.

If it applies to everyone then why single out pp? I recognise several names on this thread who usually pop up on similar threads.

Clearly, some people enjoy engaging with the discission and debate. If you don't personally, that's fine but why try and police other people? Especially just singling one person out?

@Thepeopleversuswork - can I ask why you repeatedly wind yourself up about all this? I think you've been on every SAHM post for the last ten years. But none of it matters. People say stupid things, so what? Why repeatedly engage with long diatribes? Don't look for insult where there is none. Nobody is accusing you personally of being a lesser mum than anyone else. The thread is not about you, or single mums. There is nothing to prove and nothing to justify and that applies to everyone.

You're doing it again though: you're making insulting and ad hominem remarks, about working mums which are completely without logic, using comically out of date tropes and usually making claims which are demonstrably false:

a) the idea that children in nursery are "left behind" is simply wrong. There is plenty of academic research that supports the idea children in nursery often have better educational outcomes (though that maybe correlation not causation).
b) the canard that women work "because they find child care boring": mothers work for a wide range of reasons from necessity to mental stimulation. Mothers who have to work against their will very often struggle with it.
c) Presumably it's OK for working dads not to work "because they find child care boring"? Someone has to earn the money, right?
d) "I think we need to start thinking about them not ourselves": what does that even mean? again, you seem incapable of grasping that for many women they are literally working to support their children. Are you suggesting that working women, en masse, give up their jobs and run home to be with their children? Life isn't like that.

You can't both criticise a whole swathe of women and then in the next breath demand that everyone else "validate your choices".

I haven't seen a single poster on this thread suggesting that women need to work - this is pure fantasy. Everyone I have seen posting on here who is defending the right of mothers to work recognises that people make the best (imperfect) choices in the circumstances they face, which often includes staying at home. But you keep twisting this into nasty attacks on women who work.

Why would it be? It relates to this thread since there's a clear double standard when it comes to working fathers vs working mothers.

@SouthLondonMum22 that would be a new thread in itself.

It’s a career - opportunity for gaining qualifications, further experience and promotion

Promotion to what?

It's a job, not a career. Millions of people have jobs and are content to do so. You'd be stuck if they weren't.

Only if you have a vagina though, right?

I loved being a sahm parent when my children were young. I had a very demanding job when they were very little, but then took redundancy and stayed at home it was wonderful. My husbands career went from strength to strength we never had any issues with childcare during holidays/ illness it was lovely.
when my youngest went to high school I retrained and now run
my own successful business. No way could i be doing with all the rushing round and pressure on families there is now,
our Life was so chilled. We ate together every night the house was always tidy,

I'm not going to RTFT because these things usually turn into SAHM bashing. But, I do it because I want to and it's the best thing for me and my family. I love being at home with the kids, we have a full life and I am completely content and fulfilled by it. That's not the case for everyone and that's perfectly fine.
You shouldn't feel bad if you don't want to. In an ideal world, we would all have the choice. You have a choice, so you should do whatever is best for you and yours. No mum should be made to feel guilty for whichever choice she makes.

Children aren’t left behind by going to nursery - they flourish! DT’s learnt English at nursery which wouldn’t have happened if I’d been a SAHM as we don’t speak English at home. We’re a trilingual family.
We trusted the nursery staff - all well qualified, experienced lovely people - two of the staff became our babysitters.

Wtf has boarding school got to do with this conversation?
Are you one of those assume that working mothers never see their children?

@ElaineMBenes so will you be sending your kids to boarding school 'for their own benefit' too?

I think you need to start reading people replies properly 🙄

@ElaineMBenes indeed, I’m pretty sure any kid would pick happy working parents over a depressed SAHM.

Nope, a career break in my sector is career suicide.
And did you miss the bit where I said two incomes allows us to live in our chosen location. We couldn't afford to live where we do now on one income and for us this location is incredibly important.
Not to mention having happy parents is very beneficial to children.

What is anyone hoping to achieve in this thread? It just makes women sound daft, to be honest.

I'm only sticking up for the children who are only little being left behind by their parents because they find child care boring. I think we need to start thinking about them not ourselves.