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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

535 replies

Hjjo · 28/12/2023 14:31

ds is 13 months. I feel like it’s constant and it won’t ever stop will it? He’s not even difficult. He’s a placid baby mostly. I’m just so bored. I feel terrible but I want to be at work and just away from the nappies and the routine and the non stop demands. I feel terrible for being able to be a sahm but not wanting to :(

OP posts:
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 28/12/2023 14:47

I go to work for a rest op! No guilt here. You are more than just mum.

SiennaMillar · 28/12/2023 14:46

You’re not alone OP. I thought I would want to be a SAHM because surely it would be marvellous being free to do whatever all day, doing my nails, doing my hair, wearing nice yummy mummy outfits, meeting up with other mums. But that was not my experience of mat leave whatsoever. I didn’t have any inclination to put the slightest effort into myself, I think I became depressed - my entire 24/7 existence was just about the baby. I found the relentlessness of sleeping with one eye and one ear open, to be overwhelming. I still do now - even the Xmas break (2 weeks for me), is starting to give me flashbacks 😳

I went back just shy of 11 months, and I’m pregnant again now, planning to go back 7.5 months (partly for financial reasons too, as I don’t qualify for any mat pay).

SouthLondonMum22 · 28/12/2023 14:45

Hjjo · 28/12/2023 14:40

I just don’t know how people do it or want to do it and it makes me feel like a failure. I am so horribly bored and frustrated by midday, I find it so hard.

Because people are different but also because societal expectations pressure women to feel like it is something they should want to do.

Do you think your partner is a failure since I'm assuming he hasn't volunteered to do it? If not then why does it make you a failure?

Original poster
Hjjo · 28/12/2023 14:45

@Ash099 i do go out with him but it’s all such a faff

OP posts:
Original poster
Hjjo · 28/12/2023 14:44

@Ash099 when will it change? I feel like it’s Groundhog Day all the time.

OP posts:
Ash099 · 28/12/2023 14:43

Not to judge but the drudgery is motherhood for such a large part. It does pass and there are so many lovely moments coming especially in the next few months.. I have 3, and I still love the wonder of the world as seen through their eyes.

Original poster
Hjjo · 28/12/2023 14:40

I just don’t know how people do it or want to do it and it makes me feel like a failure. I am so horribly bored and frustrated by midday, I find it so hard.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 28/12/2023 14:37

You shouldn't feel bad about that. If you want to go to work, you should. If you feel like you are going to feel guilty about that but have the luxury of not having to go to work, then maybe try part time?

I personally chose to be a SAHM because I lost my own parents when I was a teen. Coming from a family that sadly doesn't seem to have the longest life expectancy, I just knew I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. It is hard though. You have to do what is right for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong.

PeekABoo22 · 28/12/2023 14:35

Different strokes for different folks. I'd give anything to be a SAHM! I despise my job. I am neither able to the best mother, or the best version of myself at work, or the best GF. Completely splitting myself 3 ways and feeling guilty no matter what I prioritise.

SouthLondonMum22 · 28/12/2023 14:33

There's no need to feel terrible. Nothing wrong at all with wanting to have a career.

Get yourself back to work guilt free.

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