To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

It isn't selfish, it just isn't for you and that's absolutely fine. It certainly isn't beneficial to a child to have a parent at home who is miserable.

I'm a better parent because I work full time. There's no shame in that.

I chose to be a SAHM because I was happier at home than at work, I really enjoyed being with my children, I didn’t want to use childcare and we could afford for me to do it. I did try part time for a while but I wasn’t happy so gave my job up and never went back to it. Youngest is now a teen. 😅

It’s not for everyone though and if you’re not enjoying it, then go back to work. 💐

The nursery’s I went to see just seemed so awful. The children didn’t look happy there. It was ok for a little older kids. But the babies looked miserable crying etc. I am sure there are good nursery’s out there but I couldn’t find them. I wish I had investigated using a Nanny though

You do realise, right, that people who work also bring up their children? That being in childcare and then school does not usually engender "separation trauma"? And that having a job doesn't necessitate "the state taking over" care of your child?

There’s nothing in the world wrong with wanting to be a working mother - it has a lot of benefits, and your needs matter too!

Absolutely do not want other people bringing up my child.

I want to cook wholesome scratch made meals.

Want to teach my child our values, our traditions, make memories, keep a strong attachment, no separation trauma.

One on one care.

My child, I'm the mother and I don't want the state taking over.

Was your baby planned? If so why did you have him/her? Surely you had some idea of what the first couple of years would be like. It’s shit and relentless and hard and many people choose not to have children for that reason. There are so many beautiful moments though that should (almost) make up for it. It gets easier about age 2. Is your partner helping you the way they should do/how much you expected them to? Could they be the SAHP and you go back to work? If not and if you don’t like being a SAHM but have the choice why don’t you put him/her in childcare and go back to work?

I do love being a SAHM but I think part of that is that I've resigned myself to the fact it can be boring. I just see DD as a little friend I hang around with all day. She's 12montha now and for me it gets better everyday.

That's not to say I'll always feel like this and if I change my mind I will go back to work. The thing I do get frustrated by sometimes is having no time to myself. I'm knackered by the time she goes to bed at 8pm so I'm not long in bed after that.

For me, it was that I has to choose one or the other, either be switched on for home, or switched on for work (I am disabled, but able to manage fairly well in one capacity- can't juggle both)

And the costs of childcare, dog care, getting eldest to school, pretty much left me with £60 a week left (there are other circumstances that just make it that little bit more awkward, like being SE meaning contracts can abruptly end, and that under the CIS scheme I pay 20% of tax from everything I earn but claim back...so a bit more to try and balance)

Along with the general tiredness, hours out of the home being 6:30am-6:30-7pm each night I thought, fuck it. I think I'll stay at home with the kids.

There's guilt whatever choice you make, so concentrate on what it is that will eventually make you happy and go from there

I had a career in early years education. When my DC were born I couldn't imagine handing them over to someone else to care for when it was my area of expertise. It isn't for everybody, but it was the right thing for me. Having returned to my career for another twenty five years before I retired I now look after my DGC almost full time. I can't imagine my life without small children in it.

At the time, I didn't enjoy my job or the office environment. I was in a tedious, boring job in an open plan office where smokers outnumbered non-smokers by about 5 to 1. There was little to no ventilation - I was shouted at if I dared to open a window. I used to go home with a splitting headache every day.

I decided to bring forward starting a family just so I could escape from that environment! I had absolutely no desire to return to work.

By the time I eventually returned to office work, over 20 years later, smoking in offices had been banned and fresh air was acceptable, thank god!

I do recommend some good playgroups when they're very young. Go regularly to structure the week and make friends.

Awh bless. You are doing such a great job and it's okay to be knackered and even sometimes really hate all the effort it takes. Is there someone who can watch him for a bit even just at home, so you know you can just t relax for a bit/mentally switch off. Sending hugs 🫂

I did 3 days a week. It was the perfect balance for me. I enjoyed my job and kept my hand in but I also really enjoyed my time at home with my littles. It benefited them to go to nursery a couple of days and have a day with extended family, but I still felt number one in their worlds.
That was probably the happiest time in my life.

Lack of sensible caring childcare, practicalities. I actually did work until school was well underway. Childcare gets harder where I am. I do volunteer and dinner lady stuff because I'd be miserable without something as I'm not particularly a homebody. My best balance over the years was a three days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) role about 21 hours. Unfortunately I was made redundant.

Who says you have to want to be a SAHM just because you can be one?

I never wanted to be a SAHM (I couldn't have been one even if I'd wanted to).

The expectation that not working is always better than working is very out-dated. In the days when it was the norm, an awful lot of women were shoehorned into a role which wasn't right for them just because society said that women should remain in the home and a lot of women really struggled with it. It suits some people but most eventually want some sort of stimulation outside the home. Ultimately, over the long-term it's also dangerous to rely totally on one other person's income for your financial security so there are many very practical reasons not to feel you have to do it.

If there are people who make you feel you should want to be a SAHM just because you can, you need to stand up for what you want. It's your life, not theirs. Do what makes you happy.

I get this. Hopefully your LO still has a nap or two? That was my time to gather myself.

Don’t feel bad for not wanting to be a stay at home parent - it is absolutely relentless being with children all day sometimes.

For us it made more sense financially for me to be a sahm, but I also don’t have to worry about career progression as such. Prior to becoming a parent I was self employed and wfh, when I finished maternity leave I worked occasional evenings and weekends just for a bit of extra spending money, but we don’t rely on my income and I’m now on maternity leave again so not working at the moment. However being self employed I chose when/if I work. Obviously I know this isn’t a circumstance many find themselves in so I appreciate I’m fortunate to be in this position.

I also do the bulk of the housework and cooking so don’t necessarily feel bored, as DS ‘helps’ with all those tasks it does take a large proportion of the day. We also play together a lot more now that he is older. 13 months is a tricky age where they between a baby and a toddler.

I love it (most of the time!) but it’s definitely not for everyone and that’s okay - we can’t all enjoy the same thing, that would be boring!

I noticed a change after about 20 months, just over about 1 and a half if I remember right. I think 1ish is a hard age, and the sheer work required is just so much. I promise it does get better, we are out a lot, and I don't even take the pram, wee one happy to walk (from about age 21 months). Can sit on a chair (not high chair), eat finger food for lunch. I cant believe how hands off it is now compared to age 1, hang in there xx

Go back to work. Very few people are really wired to enjoy the relentlessness of 24/7 childcare. We could "afford" for me to be a SAHM, but I'd be an utterly miserable one, so I never considered it. The data doesn't lie; given access to good childcare, the vast majority of women with children prefer to work, at least part time.

Go back part time? Then you can have the best of both worlds. Don't feel guilty for being bored, it can be boring! It's better if you have other friends with babies who you can meet up with.