To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

SleepingStandingUp

That was a massive assumption on your behalf!! My husband is very much involved is raising are daughter and always have been.
Why you came to the conclusion that my husband isn't involved just because I'm a SAHM speak volumes about your mindset 🤯🤯.

Lol nothing. Although I was for a while. I'm a much better parent when I'm working.

I think it takes all sorts, it suited me and I agree with everything @SwordToFlamethrower has said but my sister went straight back to work after her child. We had our first child, a son, in 1991 and second, a daughter, in 1993 and I liked cooking meals form scratch and taking care of the house (with some hired help!) as well the two children and also meeting other mothers. We had a second daughter in 1997 and third child, another son, in 2000 and by that time the others were older so it was more interesting (and tiring!). I preferred it as the children got older I must say and I could do more with them. I loved planning days out in London like Greenwich or Kew with them or going for meals or to the cinema or theme parks . My parents often came to and babysat a lot when they were young so me and DH could go out. Fortunately we were/are fairly comfortably off so I could take them places without worrying to much but I just loved having them around and sitting on the carpet playing with them when they were very little. To me they were very special times.

It always baffles me when people churn that phrase out.

Of course working parents raise their children, financially providing for them is a pretty important part of it for a start.

Could you go back to work? My DS is 17 months and I went back when he was 13 months old. It was an adjustment for the family but it's working well for us all. I have Mondays off and spend quality time with my little man and he spends part of the week in nursery which, after the initial settle period, he loves. He's thriving and has learnt so many things, they do messy play which we don't do at home so it's been good for him to have the variety. We enjoy the time more that we spend with him and are more focussed on family time on the days we're together. When he's at home we try and time naps so that we can watch tv or do some exercise - I'd go mad if I didn't have this time to myself.

Is your husband ok with not raising his own child?

I thought I'd want to be a SAHM - I'm generally more 'on it' with housework than DH, kind of enjoyed my job but wasn't completely career driven, had loads of interests and craft type things I enjoyed whenever I got some downtime.

Within a year it was clear that if I stayed at home I was going to escape and terrorise the village.

I am a much better mother to DS when I'm grateful for the time I'm getting with him and not exhausted by feeling like I'm never away from him.

FWIW OP, I found 13-18 months some of the hardest times and when they were between 2-3 some of the absolute best.

I wanted to be a SAHM because when they were small I wanted to be the one who was with all the time. I had an ok job, not a career and I saw being with my children as the most important thing. DH felt the same way and it's worked well so far for us.

Not exactly a response to your OP - but is working part time a possibility for you @Hjjo ? Probably not that easy to find something with set hours but if you could work 2-3 days per week this gets you out, maintain your identity etc but you also get a couple of days at home with your DC.

I was a SAHM for 4 years due to eldest having additional needs. Literally the hardest thing I've ever done. Now he's a little older and at the right school, things settled enough for me to go back to work a year ago. Even though it'smore rushedtryingto fit everythinginto days off, my mental health is so much better know I have some time away from home.

Then that's a DH problem. Why isn't he coming in and taking over childcare? Why aren't you meeting up with friends without the baby or going to the cinema alone? Why can't you have a spa day or a weekend away or just 3 hours round Tesco alone?

So people can only struggle if their baby was unplanned? What nonsense. We needed help to conceive the twins and I already had one. Trust me when I say there are some days that have been hard beyond comprehension. I could NEVER have imagined crying in the night that my babies hated me and cried to punish me. Who'd imagine that?? Should I have not had them because it's harder than I expected? How does that even work given it requires retrospective analysis?

Because I didn't want to miss anything and didn't want someone else raising my baby than me. My husband and I had are daughter much later on in life until we were financially stable so I could be a SAHM.
Obviously everyone's gonna do what's best for them and they kids

Honestly? Because I thought he was going to die and I had to make the most of every second. And then because of his care needs. Then I had twins and now I'm trapped. None of that is based on a rational choice and an active decision to sacrifice my career.
I always planned on going back to work but reduced or part time hours.

I started an online degree to stop the brain atrophy.
We both watched too much telly.
And I'm glad we have these years together but they all started school nursery the minute they were three.

To be the best mom you need to be happy. If that's not being home all the time, then look at what you need to do to fix that. Can you go back to your old job or is it too late? If you don't need your salary can you look for something part-time and put baby in nursery two days a week?

We survived it by being out alot. I'd do an hour on buses to a play group and an hour back. Stop for food and comfort and that was most of a day gone.

Library groups, community groups as well as paid for classes all helped me keep my sanity. Out local Art Gallery even did sensory sessions for the first born.

You do realise your child is going to have to be separated from you at some point, cut the apron strings etc?

Nobody can be prepared for the sheer boredom and relentlessness of looking after small children. Spending day after day lifting my one year old off a cabinet or pushing the TV. Cut the OP some slack. She is allowed to find it hard.

Don't feel bad just try and give yourself the same advice that you would a friend and go from there.
I was a sahm to my dts and I have to admit that I loved it. I suppose I originally made the decision due to the cost of childcare for dts but in truth that was more of an excuse than a reason because I really wanted to be at home with them.
I went out a lot . I didn't go to classes but went to children's centres for stay and play groups. I'm still friends with the people I met there and we would all look after each others children while they had a cup of tea or a chat, it was a great little community and it felt like lovely.
I felt like shit though talking to my friends who did not sah. Like I was too stupid and shallow to need thst extra challenge, like I was sabotaging my life and career by staying at home with the dts. I sometimes felt a bit embarrassed by it tbh.
It's bonkers because I doubt they would have ever judged me as harshly as I did myself.

I’ve been a SAHM since April 2014. To put it simply I just wanted to be with my kids. My ex hated being a SAHD so it was wasted on him.

I’ve gone from just SAHM to carer then also a single mum. So even if I wanted to get back in to work right now it’s not as simple as applying for a job and it all working out. I have 2 children with SN now and I’m also a single parent now. I feel like people judge harshly but I have to do what’s best for my family.

Looking after small children can be incredibly boring. Many parents aren't set out to be SAHP. Go back to work for your sanity.

Don't feel bad, OP. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same!

I was a SAHM by choice and it suited me very well. I always saw being a SAHM as my 'job', if you like, and willingly took on all the side stuff as well (housework, mental load etc). But it wouldn't suit everyone, just as it wouldn't have suited me to go back to work when my children were young, and there's nothing wrong with that either.

There will always be people who think you've made the 'wrong' decision. Happiness comes from ignoring those people and being sure in your own mind that you've made the right decision for you.

For me it’s that the babies will only be tiny for a tiny amount of time whereas you really can pick up a career at any point. I’ve been a SAHM while my kids are preschool, training this year and next and will be ready to work in 2026 when youngest starts school. The oldest will be 11, so 11 years of SAHM-hood. I’ve absolutely treasured these years 😍

I worked before becoming a SAHM and absolutely hated it (working in finance). Hated having a boss telling me to do pointless things, like "meet this deadline". Why?! What happens if we don't meet the deadline, someone set it so that someone can move it. Never saw a purpose to what I was doing, except to get paid (and I was earning quite well, 6 figures which is the only reason I worked).

With my baby I just felt like there was more of a purpose: her little laugh, her eyes lighting up when she saw me, the first steps, her first words, then the little conversations we could have when she spoke more, little funny things that she would do, how excited she was to see the world. As a SAHM I love every day of my life (ofc there are bits I don't love like cleaning up vomit or having to cook a meal only for it to be chucked on the floor, but on balance I get a lot more positive out of every day than negative). At work I clock watched every single day.

I was like this with my first. Had another 2 in quick succession and enjoyed it more and more with each baby! I think 1 baby is a bit boring as there’s not as much to do. By the time you have three you’re manic and therefore not bored, plus the eldest was 3 so I could chat to her! I’d also found many more friends who were around in the day to meet up with so now I see a good friend most days with the children for a walk, lunch etc. I feel like I’m living the dream! And I did not feel this way when I just had one baby! I think it suits me to be busier!

I am very much a home body, enjoy doing domestic stuff (but not tidying), and hated my job. I didn't have a career, just work. So staying home was very much the better option for me. And I don't get bored, because I'm happy pottering around doing not much (not that I really get the chance to do that, mind you). Now I home educate the children so I'm constantly busy.

It sounds like being a SAHM is not for you, and that's perfectly OK. There are good nurseries/childminders/nannies around who will take great care of your child if you decide to go back to work.

Being a SAHM is indeed relentless. Do you have a partner and does he/she do a fair share in the evening/weekend so you get a break?

I had a deep, almost visceral need to be with my children when small and didn't believe anyone else would look after them as well as I could. It was a shock tbh - I'd gone back to work full time when ds1 was 6 months old and fully intended to be a working mum - but I just couldn't bear it. Became a SAHM when he was 13 months old and remained so til ds2 was at school.

It's fine to change your mind