To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

ElaineMBenes

Ok lol

Haha I've not seen someone flounce in a while!

No you're just like twisting peoples words but hey what are you gonna need to do to make yourself feel better about whatever is going on in your life I don't want to want to stop you.

Also, just because someone disagrees with you or calls out insulting, judgemental comments doesn't mean they are twisting your words or are unhappy with their choices. That's such a lazy argument.

ElaineMBenes

Yep yep you're right 110% I'm absolutely wrong have lovely day bye-bye

I don't know why you keep saying challenging because so far all you've done is twist my words put words in my mouth and basically say my opinion of raising kids is it good enough because it's not your version.

Now who's putting words in my mouth??
I've not said that at all.

Yes there are different ways of raising children but that not what you seemed you imply.
You said you wanted to be a SAHP because you didn't want someone else raising your child. I simply pointed out that working parents are still raising their children.

@Hjjo it's okay not to continue being a SAHM if it's not working for you. My eldest is in College & youngest is a toddler (and a few in between) I've done SAHM, Working FT mum, several versions of part time and I think for most part time is the best mix. Most, not all. I found the magic number of working hours for me was around 18 hours - either 2 longer days or 3 slightly shorter days. It got what I needed my dc can't provide but wasn't so much I was just rushing through doing chores on my day off which is what happens when I am only off Fridays.

For some people they love the daily meet ups and groups. I hated them but did try to do some social based things for my dc when they were young - for example we did a weekly swimming class and a little gym class. I found an activity to focus on rather than nattering, was a better fit for me. For others it's different and that's okay. There's no one way to be. I have a friend who is a SAHM with a 5 and 1 year old and her 1 year old goes to 2 days/week nursery. For her that gives her the break she needs to be able to enjoy the other three days.

If this isn't working for you, change things. It's really okay to do that. You will have to do it lots of times as a parent. Parenthood is often really different to our expectations.

Could you send him to nursery a couple of times a week?

Go back part time? Ti answer your question, I wanted to be with my dcs plus I have 4. Not good for my mental health but dont regret it

I liked the thought of being a sahm, swapping the non stop rat race of commuting and dickhead bosses for a relaxing time at home being the perfect earth mother pureeing veggies and jogging through the park with other yummy mummies.
Not for me in the end, I was back work at 8 months. My dickhead boss decided he was so desperate for me to come back that I could bring the baby in to work and choose my hours. The novelty of being at home wore off quite quickly for me and working suited me more.

I never had any career aspirations. Never wanted to be anything. I just wanted to have a family. I left school
and worked in admin roles.

I married and had my first at 22, there was no way I was leaving him. I’ve had two more over the last 21 years, my youngest is 3 (I am 43).

I’m happy. But my God, it’s annoyed the hell out of other people over the years. Why didn’t I want a career? Why have I wasted my life? And now …. what about your pension?

No thought to how I want to live or if I am happy with my life, just outrage that I haven’t done what they think I should have.

SleepingStandingUp

But to be fair, my husband is not involved as much as me because he does work away. But I'm sure if you asked my husband is definition of raising the child is completely different to mine which is fine because he is still a fantastic father. There are many different ways of raising children just what works best for the family like I said bet

Not exactly what you asked for but I could be a SAHM and choose not to be. We are no financially better off for me working due to childcare costs either.

Unsure if that's in or out or for but I get you, he helps raise her part time. Thanks for the clarity on your pov

SleepingStabdingUp

My partner works at the country for four weeks at a time. He's also home for four weeks at a time when he is not working and that's when he is very much involved in my daughter's life and help raising her .

Well yes that was rather my point. The pp had to give up work so she could raise her kid cos you can't possibly combine the two. Ergo her partner must not be involved in the raising in her opinion

ElaineMBenes

No you're just like twisting peoples words but hey what are you gonna need to do to make yourself feel better about whatever is going on in your life I don't want to want to stop you.

I don't know why you keep saying challenging because so far all you've done is twist my words put words in my mouth and basically say my opinion of raising kids is it good enough because it's not your version.

Well no,it was YOUR assumption that YOU want to raise you child and therefore not nursery and job. Stands to reason then that DH works you don't consider him to be raising you child. Otherwise you'd accept that you can work or not work and still raise your child. Just like all those working mothers raising their own kids even when they attend nursery.

Again, I've only responded to what you've written 🤷🏼‍♀️

On the other hand you've insulted me a few times but maybe you feel I put those words in your mouth too?

If you don't want to be challenged then don't make controversial comments.

ElaineMBenes

Oh behave yourself i'm grown woman and will write exactly what I want.

The fact that you read it and tried to twist it into something that you wanted it to be is not my problem.

You could've not replied, but you were obviously looking for an argument And only hearing what you want to, like I said playground tactics that I'm not interested.

Then you need to think about how you articulate yourself......

When you write the following statement

Because I didn't want to miss anything and didn't want someone else raising my baby than me.

It suggests that working parents don't raise their own children. If you don't mean it then don't write it!! It's really that simple.

ElaineMBenes

You honestly can't be this silly. I've also said 1 million times now that my definition of raising a child could be completely different to someone else's and what i value i importantto but it doesn't mean everyone else does!! Why are you putting words in my mouth again?? There are 100 and million ways to raise children this mind. I have never said that my way of raising children is right that is just my way.

SyvieLaufeydottir

My husband works in the offshore industry (we both used to ) and he is away four weeks at a time, but he is also home four weeks at a time so when he home his entire life, pretty much revolves around my daughter and me and a few hobbies he got.

You're contradicting yourself now.
Either you stand by what you've written and you believe working parents don't raise their own children or you don't mean it but keep repeating it.......

No wonder were all confused 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was only repeating what you wrote 🤷🏼‍♀️
I'm not psychic, I didn't know that you didn't mean what you'd written.

ElaineMBenes

Because I didn't want to miss anything and didn't want someone else raising my baby than me.

Because I don't want to miss her first word first walk, the first time she gets excited about something else in between.

And when my daughter falls over, I want to be the one she comes running to to make it better not another else. I want to be the biggest part of my daughter's life every way until she's five and start school. And if I was a working parent that just wouldn't be possible and I would miss all the little things that I feel are important ME.