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Original poster

Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

186 replies

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 20:34

I feel really upset tonight and I don’t know if I am exaggerating. My mum has two rescue dogs that she absolutely dotes on. They rule her life. She can’t be out the house more than a couple of hours, she has to be at home at 3pm as that when they eat.
she doesn’t welcome anyone into her house as it upsets the dogs.
Tonight I went round her house with my three young children and husband and her dog was barking and growling at my one year old. I tried to calmly remove him from the living room and my mum went mad.
I then stormed out and left. I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren. She has 6 other grandchildren that don’t feel welcome at her house because of these dogs.

OP posts:
Christmasconcerts · 27/12/2023 21:16

That would really upset me too OP.

Lizzieregina · 27/12/2023 21:15

I don’t disagree with you, but I’m not sure your mother wants to make any changes. While I didn’t do it often, I could leave my dog for 9/10 hours if I had to.

My sister’s grandchildren don’t like her dog, so when their car pulls up, she sticks the dog in the shed with a baby gate while the kids are visiting. When the dog sees them, he hides because he knows he’s on his way outside!!

Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 21:15

I prefer my dog to other people's children. OH and I are laughing saying DS will have a wife who will be posting this about me in a few years time. Some people just prefer their dogs though.

Wateroverwine · 27/12/2023 21:14

Omg some of these threads are mental. I'm a dog lover but to see my grandchildren or child the dogs can sit in the garden for a bit or stay in the kitchen. She can easily keep them occupied with some peanut butter or a bone.
Is she a lonely person in general? Does she have a partner?

thistimelastweek · 27/12/2023 21:13

She loves the dogs and they fulfil a need 100% of her time. These dogs are fulfilling a real emotional need.

No doubt she loves her children and grandchildren but they cannot be there 100% of the time. She needs something to sustain her when you are all living your best lives and not giving her a thought.

It's hard but try to meet some acceptable compromise. It doesn't have to be dog versus children. Just something that kinda takes account of everyone.

Original poster
Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 21:12

@FlyingPandas Thank you. This is really helpful advise 😃

OP posts:
Original poster
Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 21:11

@Riverlee My reaction was because she shouted at me very aggressively because I tried to prevent her beloved dog hurting my one year old.

shes not embarrassed by them, she just doesn’t like upsetting them. They are scared of people because they have never been allowed to be around anyone. But thanks for your reply!

I am a dog owner my self of a much loved beagle and I understand dogs can’t be left for long on their own. But to miss out on everything if it’s longer than an hour is a little too much.

OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 27/12/2023 20:58

Sadly OP she is making her choice, and she'll have to accept the consequences. It's really sad for you, and your DC, but you don't really have a lot of choice.

I can't imagine any sensible grandparent prioritising dogs over their grandchildren, but too many people are batshit bonkers about dogs, and they will never believe that they are in the wrong, so there is no point in trying to persuade them. Just limit the amount of time you spend with them, and don't run the risk of your DC being hurt by the dogs.

So, short meet ups only, perhaps an hour in a cafe or park, with an absolute stipulation that your mum is not to bring the dogs, and limit it to that. And if she protests, I would spell it out to her. "You make it very clear that the dogs are the most important thing in your world. You care more about the dogs than your human relatives. That is your choice but you need to accept the limitations of your choices and not whinge about it."

Riverlee · 27/12/2023 20:54

If you have dogs, you can’t leave them for any length of time. That’s fairly standard for dog ownership.

Regarding feeding them at 3pm, she’s made a rod for her back there. We’re more flexible with feeding times for our dog.

If the dogs are reactive towards people in the house, then she may be embarrassed by visitors coming around. They may need training to combat this.

Storming out is a bit of an over reaction.

maybe you need to sit and have a conversation about his the dogs need to be trained better regarding visitors to the house. In your post, this is the only thing I can see which needs resolving. The rest is normal- ish dog ownership.

Hardbackwriter · 27/12/2023 20:49

I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren.

Yes, she does. That's her choice. Sadly, that means the only choice you're left with is to not take the children there and to only have her to you, and so accept that she'll only come for short visits (and probably reluctantly). I completely understand why you're upset by that but you can't make her change her behaviour or feelings.

Tamuchly · 27/12/2023 20:45

I love dogs but not to the exclusion of my children (and future grandchildren).

In my opinion the dogs should be restricted to a certain area of their house while you visit but, in the interest of being fair to them too, that visit should be short to eventually build in time as relationships grow. It’s very shortsighted of your mother to not teach them to be left for a while, obviously they would prefer her to be there all the time but what if she had to go into hospital for an appt which then ran over time or she broke down somewhere? We do dogs a disservice when we make them too dependant on us.

Perhaps you could meet somewhere neutral close to where she lives so her journey time is shorter allowing you more time together?

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