Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

The thing is it’s not always as easy as that with rescues especially, or with any dog with separation anxiety really.

Being locked away be that outside on their own or in a room can really make them stressed/anxious. We had a rescue a few years ago who was absolutely lovely but obviously we didn’t know much of his past, we couldn’t lock him outside for the duration or even shut him into a room on his own because he had horrific anxiety. He would cry, howl, bark constantly in that situation and would literally shake as if he was having a seizure with the stress, he would then be unable to settle, eat or drink for a huge amount of time afterwards. So we could never have just chosen to do that, maybe OP’s mum is in a similar situation and just simply doesn’t have that option.

^ this

Her dogs make her feel safer day and night, they stop her from feeling alone, get her out the house for walks, perhaps keep her from getting depressed, are something to focus on when "you are all living your best lives and not giving her a thought". It might feel you visit often, for her it is long time to fill between those visits.

Her dogs are extremely important to her and you need to find ways to compromise around them, not make it into a competition.

If your husband was doing a job, why did you and the three kids need to go round too? Were you invited? If the dog was barking and growling at your one year old - what was your mother doing? Are you suggesting she would be willing for the dog to attack your child? I don't think it was your place to 'calmly remove him' from the room - why not say mum would it be ok for you to move rover to be with dad so he doesn't bark at 1 yr old?
What was the one year old doing - was he/she touching or getting in the dog's space? in which case you should be making sure that didn't happen - why did it not bark at you/ or the other two kids?

They treat the dog like a baby but that doesn’t make the dog a baby. Nobody else needs to consider the dog as being equal to a human child. Dogs are never more important than people.

But her best isn't good. She could shut the dogs outside when she has family visiting but is choosing not to do that. Her choice, but I wouldn't visit her again.

I have to say the fact that they are rescue dogs does change things for me slightly. When you rescue dogs you never get a full picture of what their lives were truly like previously, this means rescue dogs do frequently come with “issues” or “quirks” that you are just sort of stuck with for example separation anxiety, human reactivity, set meal times and anxiety/stress if late feeding. It can be really difficult to train those things out of dogs, especially rescues, because they can well have triggers you aren’t even aware of.

The same applies for the dogs not being able to cope with visitors- especially with rescue dogs it isn’t uncommon and again it is something you may not even know until you adopt them, at which point you have made a commitment to them and just have to sort of adapt to work with them.

Your mum has done a wonderful thing by rescuing 2 dogs, it may be that she wasn’t aware of the issues they come with when she chose them (very common with rescues), and now she is just trying to do the best she can

Was your mother expecting all your family to turn up ?

You say she doesn’t welcome people into her house so why did you go round there knowing you’re not welcome?

Some people prefer dogs to humans and that’s fine. Your mum’s routine etc seems very rigid but it’s her choice. Yes it’s frustrating for you but it just sounds like she’s very very dedicated to her dogs. I don’t think you’re going to change her.

To some people though yes they are. Especially people who may be quite lonely, and who like to feel needed. My grandparents got a dog 5/6 years ago now and he is treated like their baby, they absolutely see him that way and he fulfils that need of theirs. Just because you don’t personally feel that way doesn’t mean nobody else does☺️

Mine are! They are dependent upon me and I adore them. Probably better behaved than a lot of kids too!

Dogs are nothing like children.

My MIL went one further and brought her dogs to my house and to all her children's houses even the one whose spouse is terrified of dogs. Poor BIL had to compromise that they at least stayed in the kitchen.
She never asked me she just showed up with them. If I tried to refuse she would sulk and throw a tantrum and say that she will never see us again so DH would give in (not that he liked the dogs either)
Any attempt at me laying down boundaries like no dogs upstairs or on the furniture was instantly disobeyed. I hoovered endlessly for days after they left and had a set of sheets and duvet just for her

So thank heavens for small mercies if your mum keeps them at her own house and you can just refuse to go there and meet up in neutral places.

Why on earth would you take small children to someone’s house when you know there are untrained dogs there?!

If your DM doesn’t want you there, don’t go!

Being serious, if the dog was growling, was the child in the dog's face? I get cross when people get cross about a dog expressing its emotions - better to growl and bark and to let everyone know it is uncomfortable than to bite. I never ever left my DS with my dogs when he was that age (I know you didn't do that) as he was prone to poke and my very reliable, placid Labrador that I had when he was small was often very disconcerted by him and told him so.

I wouldn’t have taken my small DC somewhere where there were unfriendly dogs, so no, I don’t understand.

Your DH was asked to help with something, you didn’t have to rock up with the DC, knowing it would upset the dogs.

Dogs are like children though. So she's prioritizing her children over yours, as any good mother would do. I would hate this too, but clearly that's where it stands, so don't take your DC there, it's not safe and it's upsetting for everyone. You can't change her, so just compromise.

My MIL was the same.
She took her 2 collies absolutely everywhere including on one memorable occasion on a shopping trip to effing IKEA.
It's just what you want when buying furniture to put 2 dogs in the boot of your car and leave them in a multi-storey car park with the car windows open a bit isn't it? In my bloody car. Such a sensible idea.
I gently suggested she leave them at home and she just looked at me in a patronising fashion and explained why this was impossible
One of them bit my DS when he was a toddler and of course this was his fault and my fault not hers or the dogs.
Now both dogs have died and fortunately she decided she is too old to get another one but sadly it's rather too late to repair the relationship with her grandkids.
I get that they were important companionship and daily routine for her at a difficult time in her life but if she had only trained them and/ or supervised them a bit or got daycare/ boarding for them then she would not have missed out on so much. Her choice.

I own rescues and dote on them but YANBU at all.

Those children that are killed and maimed by dogs are disproportionately in GPs homes. GPs just can’t see the problem.

Why don’t you just pre arrange meeting outside of her house at a cafe or something? Just turning up at her house with 3 kids is going to be stressful for her, her dogs and you & your children. A compromise would be better.

Storming out seems a bit dramatic.

Whilst I know that much as I love my dog I'd not always prioritise her needs over close family, you also sound a bit entitled in your post. TALK to your mum about how you feel and LISTEN to her side of things. Her dogs are her companions-respect her priorities & the dogs as much as you expect her to respect & accommodate your priorities (your child/children).

You say your mother doesn’t welcome anyone into the house, so why did you turn up with toddler/DC/DH? Had she actually invited you? In which case she does have people round.

It sounds like you just can’t accept that your mother is an independent adult with her own priorities and decisions.

Can you really not compromise and see her outside her home, at a time that suits her?

Or are you used to bullying her?

These dogs are her babies