Page 4 | Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

Angrymum198 · 2023-12-27T20:34:32+00:00

I feel really upset tonight and I don’t know if I am exaggerating. My mum has two rescue dogs that she absolutely dotes on. They rule her life. She can’t be out the house more than a couple of hours, she has to be at home at 3pm as that when they eat. she doesn’t welcome anyone into her house as it upsets the dogs. Tonight I went round her house with my three young children and husband and her dog was barking and growling at my one year old. I tried to calmly remove him from the living room and my mum went mad. I then stormed out and left. I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren. She has 6 other grandchildren that don’t feel welcome at her house because of these dogs.

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:19

I'd liken it as a bit like having a child with special needs.

What the fuck?! Fucking doolally not to mention highly offensive

whatevss · 28/12/2023 00:17

Now keeping a reactive dog is "a bit like having a child with special needs".

Absolutely batshit.

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 00:11

Ffs it's not babying dogs by putting their NEEDS first. Reactive dogs NEED a safe environment to start to recover and heal from their trauma. You can't train it out of them. It's like saying you can train PTSD out of a human. It doesn't work like that.
Most of us who have reactive dogs didn't intent to have difficult dogs. They are not the dogs we would have chosen if we had full knowledge of how bloody difficult it would be . But by there time we do know it's too late and we love them too much. I'd liken it as a bit like having a child with special needs. No they are not children but it's the nearest thing I can liken it to.

Sometimeswinning · 28/12/2023 00:08

Malarandras · 28/12/2023 00:02

Sounds like your mother has made her bed m, now she need to lie in it. It’s an incredibly odd way to behave when she chose to have a family at one point, for a reason one can only imagine. I would no longer make any attempt to accommodate her or her choices. Life your life, if she chooses not to be a part of it because she priorities dogs then that’s completely up to her. She will have to face the consequences some day but by then it may be too late.

What consequences?? I mean its quirky but you’re being a tad dramatic.

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:07

@Bloom15 particularly since dog dc don't tend to have the same life span as human dc!

Bloom15 · 28/12/2023 00:06

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:04

Basically OP you mum has a new family now with new & improved dc. If you are upset by this or feel it's wrong you are unreasonable

😂😂😂

New 'chilldren' can look after her if she needs care then 🤷🏼‍♀️

XenoBitch · 28/12/2023 00:04

How is your relationship with your mother?

I think there are bigger issues here that you are not mentioning.

Notsuredontknow · 28/12/2023 00:04

I feel for you OP. Not the same but my mum is now very set in her ways and when we visit (she never visits us so we have to go there), she does things such as tell my 3 and 1 yo to quieten down because they are “frightening” her cat. Or she coos over her cat saying “I know, you don’t like all this disruption do you” Talk about being made to feel unwelcome! Drives me mad because we only come once every 6-8 weeks! Anyway I would feel just the same as you although I do agree with other PPs that your mum probably won’t change, so I guess it’s just about adjusting our expectations

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:04

Basically OP you mum has a new family now with new & improved dc. If you are upset by this or feel it's wrong you are unreasonable

Malarandras · 28/12/2023 00:02

Sounds like your mother has made her bed m, now she need to lie in it. It’s an incredibly odd way to behave when she chose to have a family at one point, for a reason one can only imagine. I would no longer make any attempt to accommodate her or her choices. Life your life, if she chooses not to be a part of it because she priorities dogs then that’s completely up to her. She will have to face the consequences some day but by then it may be too late.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 23:54

Deathbyfluffy · 27/12/2023 23:49

To some people their cars are like their children - but it doesn’t make them any less crazy.
Pets are not children, they’re animals.

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I don’t think anybody is disputing that pets are animals🤣

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 23:54

Dogs are like children though. So she's prioritizing her children over yours, as any good mother would do.

More crazy

carerneedshelp · 27/12/2023 23:54

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 22:03

@Mrsttcno1 these dogs are Romanian rescues, they were rescued from a puppy they don’t have separation anxiety. It wouldn’t have caused distress to them.

It's not a minor inconvenience to the dogs though! You are intruding on their safe space. They are not comfortable with you or your children. They are scared of you! Dogs are sentient beings and should be able to feel safe at home. It's not minor it's a huge deal. It takes days for my rescue dog to come back down after having visitors. She is on edge for days. Right now she is growling and barking in her sleep as she processes having people in the house for half an hour earlier. It does cause huge distress

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 23:53

Omg some of these threads are mental.

It's fucking batshit

I mean "These dogs are her babies" & "Or are you used to bullying her?"

Deathbyfluffy · 27/12/2023 23:49

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 21:48

To some people though yes they are. Especially people who may be quite lonely, and who like to feel needed. My grandparents got a dog 5/6 years ago now and he is treated like their baby, they absolutely see him that way and he fulfils that need of theirs. Just because you don’t personally feel that way doesn’t mean nobody else does☺️

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To some people their cars are like their children - but it doesn’t make them any less crazy.
Pets are not children, they’re animals.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:48

Cheesestring67 · 27/12/2023 22:12

They are just dogs. Not babies. Grandchildren should come 1st 100%

Agreed.

This place should be changed to 'dogmumnet' based on the things some posters say.

Dogs are dogs - they are not people and certainly not children. You don't HAVE to take them everywhere or treat them children.
People who prefer dogs (who don't answer back) to other people have issues

MigGirl · 27/12/2023 23:44

@Angrymum198, I totally feel your pain on this one. Unfortunately my in-laws have for years put their dogs ahead off everything else.

They can't leave them and now due to behaviour issues they cant even leave them with SIL who lives with them and owns one of the dogs, but they have had fights between the two older males so she is to scared to be left on her own with them now. SIL is over 40 and has always lived with in-laws, so the dogs are totally used to her.

We had issues with one of the males barking in DS face and SIL refused to remove the dog. DH agreed we could never safely leave the kids with the in-laws as it wasn't safe to do so. And as they won't leave them we have very little contact with them and they have no relationship with their grandchildren at all. It's been really difficult for DH as he has so little contact with his family.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 23:44

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:23

@Mrsttcno1 yes I did remove my child as I have previously posted 🙄
i had to leave the house. I could not lock
my child in another room to satisfy the dog🤔.
if my mum refused to act on this situation then I’m not sure why asking the dog to get out the room in a calm voice is such an issue. ITS MY PLACE TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE!!! Your really missing the point! I know you are going to reply saying it is not my place to remove dog as you keep doing that 🫠
Iwill say this again to help you understand I was keeping my child safe as my mother refused to.

You’re absolutely right that it’s your place to keep your child safe. When in somebody else’s home, that means removing yourself and your child/children from a situation which you deem to be unsafe. As you’ve said, it’s not your place to remove dog. That’s why it’s such an issue for your mum, it’s her house, her pets, not your space to control. ☺️

Whether you agree with her decisions or not, they are still her decisions, her pets, in her house. If you don’t like that then that is your right, but you remove yourself and your child from that. All you can ever do in any situation is control your own part in it and your reactions. It’s her space and her decisions, if you don’t like them then you simply remove yourself from them.

Dog issue aside, I wouldn’t be happy if someone came into my home and then tried to control the environment to suit them. There could be any number of hazards not just dogs, if you aren’t comfortable or happy in someone else’s space then you simply leave that space, you don’t try to change their space or alter it to suit you. You make a decision on whether you deem it a safe environment for your child and if not then you leave that environment.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/12/2023 23:33

flowerchild2000 · 27/12/2023 21:30

Dogs are like children though. So she's prioritizing her children over yours, as any good mother would do. I would hate this too, but clearly that's where it stands, so don't take your DC there, it's not safe and it's upsetting for everyone. You can't change her, so just compromise.

This.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:32

RachelGreep87 · 27/12/2023 21:16

These dogs are her babies

They aren't though aren't they?!

Some dog people are so weird

MigGirl · 27/12/2023 23:32

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 22:00

That’s your opinion ☺️

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I think it's very irresponsible of any dog own to treat their dogs like babies. It is not in there nature and can lead to issues around people.

Yes as a pet lover you can love them lots but they need to be trained and treated as dogs.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:29

Riverlee · 27/12/2023 20:54

If you have dogs, you can’t leave them for any length of time. That’s fairly standard for dog ownership.

Regarding feeding them at 3pm, she’s made a rod for her back there. We’re more flexible with feeding times for our dog.

If the dogs are reactive towards people in the house, then she may be embarrassed by visitors coming around. They may need training to combat this.

Storming out is a bit of an over reaction.

maybe you need to sit and have a conversation about his the dogs need to be trained better regarding visitors to the house. In your post, this is the only thing I can see which needs resolving. The rest is normal- ish dog ownership.

Any length of time?! They aren't children!

Achoo2 · 27/12/2023 23:26

Starblind19 · 27/12/2023 23:12

This post is a massive reflection on why every other day some poor person is mauled by a dog. Dogs are not babies dogs have to understand they are last in the pecking order as far as humans are concerned. Removing a dog who is in a situation who is resource guarding is absolutely the right thing to do. Otherwise you are reinforcing that behaviour by allowing it to continue.
Cannot believe on a mumsnet forum people are actually agreeing with the mum. Who would quite happily risk her one year old grandchild face so her dog could have a reset and change focus from the thing it was clearly resource guarding. You absolutely did the right thing and what's more I would tell your mum how disappointed you are in her behaviour and recommend a dog behaviourist. She might be lonely because her kids have flown the nest but she's going to be so much lonelier when her dog bites some poor kid and is then PTS. We have normalised this babying of dogs and sadly this does them no favours. What other animal puts another species before it's young?

I 100% agree with you. The 'babying' of dogs is so damaging. I blame social media a for a lot of it. You don't see a farmer babying his sheepdog, or a police dog handler, dressing up a GSD. They exercise them. give them boundaries, lead them, drain their energy by working them, and get them to use their brains. That's what all dogs need. Just 'loving' it is not enough, dogs need much more than just 'love' and if you can't be bothered to do that, you shouldn't own one.

Original poster

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:24

Wooloohooloo · 27/12/2023 23:16

I can't believe that people don't understand how it is hurtful that your mum prefers her dogs to her own children and grandkids. I think you should go low contact and I certainly wouldn't have your DH doing her any jobs/favours.

Oh my god thank you 🙌🏻 somebody that understands.

OP posts:

Original poster

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:23

@Mrsttcno1 yes I did remove my child as I have previously posted 🙄
i had to leave the house. I could not lock
my child in another room to satisfy the dog🤔.
if my mum refused to act on this situation then I’m not sure why asking the dog to get out the room in a calm voice is such an issue. ITS MY PLACE TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE!!! Your really missing the point! I know you are going to reply saying it is not my place to remove dog as you keep doing that 🫠
Iwill say this again to help you understand I was keeping my child safe as my mother refused to.

OP posts: