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Original poster

Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

186 replies

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 20:34

I feel really upset tonight and I don’t know if I am exaggerating. My mum has two rescue dogs that she absolutely dotes on. They rule her life. She can’t be out the house more than a couple of hours, she has to be at home at 3pm as that when they eat.
she doesn’t welcome anyone into her house as it upsets the dogs.
Tonight I went round her house with my three young children and husband and her dog was barking and growling at my one year old. I tried to calmly remove him from the living room and my mum went mad.
I then stormed out and left. I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren. She has 6 other grandchildren that don’t feel welcome at her house because of these dogs.

OP posts:
Greenpolkadot · 28/12/2023 07:25

I don't know how old your dmum is but it seems she needs the commitment and companionship these dogs provide.
Eventually it will probably be to the detriment of you and her grandchildren as she will end up having no visitors and no help when she needs it.
I'm so sorry op. It's difficult and frustrating for you.

Maray1967 · 28/12/2023 07:20

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:24

Oh my god thank you 🙌🏻 somebody that understands.

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I understand as well. If mine preferred dogs to their DGC, they would have no relationship with their DGC. My aunt has had dogs all her adult life but they are always put in a separate room when her DGC are there.

Fivepigeons · 28/12/2023 07:17

And it's not even the dogs actual needs being centred.. just the mild idea it may be a bit sad if placed in another room temporarily
Ridiculous

Fivepigeons · 28/12/2023 07:16

The unhinged 'dog people' are out in force on this thread I see..
I totally get why you are so upset. Its quite psychopathic to prefer not to upset a dog over your own grandchild being in danger.
And yes I do own a dog myself. I still think it's psychopathic to centre a dogs needs above seeing your own grandchildren.

2jacqi · 28/12/2023 07:09

@Angrymum198 how long has she had the rescue dogs?? has she owned dogs before?? why has she not trained them to be used to children and other adults? she will eventually realise that all of her family have stopped coming to visit her but by then it will be too late and everyone will have moved on with their lives. what is your father saying about those dogs ruling the roost in the house? I would certainly be locking them in another room when there are children around if they cannot be trusted. what kind of dogs are they do you know.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 06:54

Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 22:12

Why?? We don't all like kids.

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So don't have children then To have gc you have to make the decision to have children in the first place.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 06:53

usernother · 27/12/2023 21:46

Dogs are nothing like children.

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This. I love mine but it's an animal.

Muddays · 28/12/2023 05:16

Oh fgs! It's screamingly obvious that your mother feels completely replaced and unnecessary because you have your own family and she can't handle not being needed like she was, so rescue dogs are filling the void. At some point it would be kind if you said what an amazing job she did making you feel loved and strong enough to have your own family and how you hope your children will be as confident as you are. Don't expect any miracles and definitely keep her dogs away from your children because they'll be very territorial. She misses you more than you know. Imagine your kids being too busy for you and knowing that you're being 'tolerated'. It will happen eventually I'm afraid.

HamBone · 28/12/2023 01:33

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 01:18

So because your dogs don't have the same needs a your family members you feel you have the right to decide her dogs don't either? Perhaps try and be a bit less judgemental!!!

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@carerneedshelp What’s sad to see is her missing out on all sorts of things because she focuses on her dogs to such an extent, even though they’re not traumatized or reactive.
People’s needs are important as well, most dogs don’t need to be babied.

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 01:18

HamBone · 28/12/2023 01:11

We have a family member like this and it’s rather sad seeing the way she restricts her life to accommodate her dogs. I have a rescue and we love him to bits, but he’s not prioritized over people. He knows that he’s loved and he’s well looked after, that’s all he needs. 🤷

So because your dogs don't have the same needs a your family members you feel you have the right to decide her dogs don't either? Perhaps try and be a bit less judgemental!!!

HamBone · 28/12/2023 01:11

We have a family member like this and it’s rather sad seeing the way she restricts her life to accommodate her dogs. I have a rescue and we love him to bits, but he’s not prioritized over people. He knows that he’s loved and he’s well looked after, that’s all he needs. 🤷

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 01:02

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:43

It's only offensive if you choose to take it that way!

nope it’s offensive because it’s offensive. If you don’t understand that then that’s on you…

Why though?

My dog experiences many many challenges that make normal day to day life far more challenging for her than for most dogs. To the extreme end of the scale.

I used the example of having a child with addition needs as a demonstration of how vastly different her needs are to most dogs. In the same way a child with ASD needs are vastly different from their NT peers.

I have to control her environment to such a degree that the impact on my life is enormous.

The level of control of our environment, day to day activities and social life is not at all dissimilar to that that our ASD DC required at one stage.

Tryingmybestadhd · 28/12/2023 01:01

Riverlee · 27/12/2023 20:54

If you have dogs, you can’t leave them for any length of time. That’s fairly standard for dog ownership.

Regarding feeding them at 3pm, she’s made a rod for her back there. We’re more flexible with feeding times for our dog.

If the dogs are reactive towards people in the house, then she may be embarrassed by visitors coming around. They may need training to combat this.

Storming out is a bit of an over reaction.

maybe you need to sit and have a conversation about his the dogs need to be trained better regarding visitors to the house. In your post, this is the only thing I can see which needs resolving. The rest is normal- ish dog ownership.

That’s an exaggeration! I’ve always had dogs and they can have the odd day by themselves. Example I left mine alone all day 8 am to 8 pm 2 days ago . A balanced dog won’t struggle with this at all .

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 01:01

lol, I find it offensive for one. You can disagree of course, there’s lots of irrational & illogical posts on this thread! 😆

Fluffyfluffkins · 28/12/2023 00:58

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:19

I'd liken it as a bit like having a child with special needs.

What the fuck?! Fucking doolally not to mention highly offensive

She was using an analogy as was clear from her post. Hardly "highly offensive" .

VelvetandLace · 28/12/2023 00:50

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:43

It's only offensive if you choose to take it that way!

nope it’s offensive because it’s offensive. If you don’t understand that then that’s on you…

I don’t find this offensive. Quite insightful actually.

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:43

It's only offensive if you choose to take it that way!

nope it’s offensive because it’s offensive. If you don’t understand that then that’s on you…

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 00:41

@Canisaysomething she would still know they were in the house. She's not stupid. Yes I could keep her separated (and I do) but she would be distressed throughout and for days and days later

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 00:40

Starblind19 · 27/12/2023 23:12

This post is a massive reflection on why every other day some poor person is mauled by a dog. Dogs are not babies dogs have to understand they are last in the pecking order as far as humans are concerned. Removing a dog who is in a situation who is resource guarding is absolutely the right thing to do. Otherwise you are reinforcing that behaviour by allowing it to continue.
Cannot believe on a mumsnet forum people are actually agreeing with the mum. Who would quite happily risk her one year old grandchild face so her dog could have a reset and change focus from the thing it was clearly resource guarding. You absolutely did the right thing and what's more I would tell your mum how disappointed you are in her behaviour and recommend a dog behaviourist. She might be lonely because her kids have flown the nest but she's going to be so much lonelier when her dog bites some poor kid and is then PTS. We have normalised this babying of dogs and sadly this does them no favours. What other animal puts another species before it's young?

Exactly.
My goats get on just fine with me and we have fun together and they respect me. But if I acted threatening to one of their kids they would have no issue what so ever in attacking me to defend their kid. And I know it and they know it and all the Kids are left alone and it's fine.
But for some reason we excuse aggressive dog behaviour to us and our children all the time. Really strange, in my opinion.

carerneedshelp · 28/12/2023 00:39

bloatedbobby · 28/12/2023 00:19

I'd liken it as a bit like having a child with special needs.

What the fuck?! Fucking doolally not to mention highly offensive

It's only offensive if you choose to take it that way!
Spoken as a parent of a special needs child and an owner of a reactive dog.

Fuck sake!

Bloom15 · 28/12/2023 00:34

@Sometimeswinning no child 'owes' their parent care though. Children don't ask to be born so there isn't a trade off:

But why in earth would a child want to make time for parent who cares more about an animal than them or their children?

Maybe dogs can pay care fees?!

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 00:26

Thistlewoman · 27/12/2023 22:11

My dog is more important to me than your child. Just deal with it. That said I would never put my dog NOR your child in a situation where either could be upset/distressed or hurt by the other. Thats what responsible parenting/dog ownership is all about-not expecting everyone else to accept YOUR priorities and accommodate your needs above others.

But this is her actual child and grandchildren, not some canine substitute.
I was brought up running a dog boarding kennel and with numerous dogs in the house and nown own loads of animals I love, but some of the post on this thread are just plain bizarre.

Canisaysomething · 28/12/2023 00:25

carerneedshelp · 27/12/2023 23:54

It's not a minor inconvenience to the dogs though! You are intruding on their safe space. They are not comfortable with you or your children. They are scared of you! Dogs are sentient beings and should be able to feel safe at home. It's not minor it's a huge deal. It takes days for my rescue dog to come back down after having visitors. She is on edge for days. Right now she is growling and barking in her sleep as she processes having people in the house for half an hour earlier. It does cause huge distress

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Why can’t you find a safe space for your dog in the house away from guests for all of your sakes? Dogs and guests mixing don’t need to happen. I’ve worked with very challenging rescue dogs and designating them a safe and comfortable space of their own away from guests or anyone calling to the house should be a priority.

Merrymouse · 28/12/2023 00:23

How long has she had the dogs?

Sometimeswinning · 28/12/2023 00:23

Bloom15 · 28/12/2023 00:06

😂😂😂

New 'chilldren' can look after her if she needs care then 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Ah I missed this predictable comment! Honestly, most of us love our parents and since having our own children understand what they went through. Let them have a few years of their own without threatening to cut off the care! (This obviously excludes those who had terrible upbringings and narcissistic parents!)

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