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Original poster

Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

186 replies

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 20:34

I feel really upset tonight and I don’t know if I am exaggerating. My mum has two rescue dogs that she absolutely dotes on. They rule her life. She can’t be out the house more than a couple of hours, she has to be at home at 3pm as that when they eat.
she doesn’t welcome anyone into her house as it upsets the dogs.
Tonight I went round her house with my three young children and husband and her dog was barking and growling at my one year old. I tried to calmly remove him from the living room and my mum went mad.
I then stormed out and left. I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren. She has 6 other grandchildren that don’t feel welcome at her house because of these dogs.

OP posts:
lavenderlou · 28/12/2023 14:14

Gosh there are some crazy dog owners on here.

It's a very sad situation. I think your DM has chosen to prioritise her dogs over her relationship with her children and grandchildren and will probably regret it when the dogs are gone and she doesn't see her family.

Greenpolkadot · 28/12/2023 14:05

sheeplikessleep · 27/12/2023 22:20

Some people are bonkers crazy over their dogs. We’ve missed out on going to our in-laws this Christmas as I asked to meet up out of my SILs home as I’m not comfortable with their adult German Shepherd mouthing us and my DSs and not being able to stop him. My SIL now refuses to speak to me, is angry that I don’t like their dog and has taken it so personally. It is utterly sad and crazy. Just because people love their pets (I get that), not every one of their friends and family have to.

Iv always thought the same.
Why do people think everyone should love and accept their dogs just because they do ..barmy

Inertia · 28/12/2023 14:05

I can understand why you’re hurt. Your mother is prioritising her poorly trained dogs over the safety of her grandchildren and her relationship with her own children- that’s going to be tough for anyone.

You need to start saying no to any of you doing jobs in their house- if she won’t control her dogs it isn’t safe.

Thistlewoman · 28/12/2023 13:56

Hmm-you sound nice and full of the Christmas spirit, compassion & all that-not. Sorry to hear you were bitten by a dog-not all dogs are nasty, any more than all people are nasty. But some are, clearly.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 13:00

Thistlewoman · 28/12/2023 12:07

Why would you hate all dogs? That sounds very unusual and rather closed-minded tbh. And to say that dogs are 'taking over' the country? I think you DO sound angry and very dismisdive of the feelings of people who love their companion/working animals.

Having been quite badly bitten by a relatives dog when I was a very young child, I trust no dog, don't want any near me. They turn my stomach.

As far as the feelings of owners and their companions, I have no concern for them. I keep away from them.

Wooloohooloo · 28/12/2023 12:50

@Crazycrazylady I call my cat my baby. Joke with the kids about him being their little brother and replacing them with cats when they leave but they firmly know they are far more loved and important to me than the cat, and I do bloody love him.

Mmsnacks · 28/12/2023 12:30

Starblind19 · 27/12/2023 23:12

This post is a massive reflection on why every other day some poor person is mauled by a dog. Dogs are not babies dogs have to understand they are last in the pecking order as far as humans are concerned. Removing a dog who is in a situation who is resource guarding is absolutely the right thing to do. Otherwise you are reinforcing that behaviour by allowing it to continue.
Cannot believe on a mumsnet forum people are actually agreeing with the mum. Who would quite happily risk her one year old grandchild face so her dog could have a reset and change focus from the thing it was clearly resource guarding. You absolutely did the right thing and what's more I would tell your mum how disappointed you are in her behaviour and recommend a dog behaviourist. She might be lonely because her kids have flown the nest but she's going to be so much lonelier when her dog bites some poor kid and is then PTS. We have normalised this babying of dogs and sadly this does them no favours. What other animal puts another species before it's young?

Very well said 👏

We have 9 dogs. We compete with them and they're our pets so we certainly understand and love dogs.

Too many people have dogs but don't have a clue how to look after them properly. However they think they're the best owners in the world and they put themselves and their dogs above other people (and their animals). Hence all the dog attacks on people, pets and livestock.

I would wager that the shit owners outnumber the responsible decent ones nowadays. Ones that actually understand dogs and how their brains work.

Mmsnacks · 28/12/2023 12:18

Notsuredontknow · 28/12/2023 00:04

I feel for you OP. Not the same but my mum is now very set in her ways and when we visit (she never visits us so we have to go there), she does things such as tell my 3 and 1 yo to quieten down because they are “frightening” her cat. Or she coos over her cat saying “I know, you don’t like all this disruption do you” Talk about being made to feel unwelcome! Drives me mad because we only come once every 6-8 weeks! Anyway I would feel just the same as you although I do agree with other PPs that your mum probably won’t change, so I guess it’s just about adjusting our expectations

😂 My DM is the same but her poor pickle baby is her dog. She talks to it more than she talks to us when we visit and won't visit us because it's too long to leave the dog! Luckily my DC are old enough to laugh at her ever increasing looniness!

Mmsnacks · 28/12/2023 12:09

bozzabollix · 27/12/2023 22:38

I’m sorry but being someone who has had dogs for all of my forty eight years, when did it become a thing that you cannot leave your dog at all? Contented dogs sleep a huge amount and I know mine curl up and snooze when I’m out. Never leaving a dog is somewhat extreme behaviour, how does anyone do anything?

So you aren’t being unreasonable in my mind but she’s very different to me. Shame for your children they can’t have longer with her.

Same as you with the same number of dog owning years!!

I agree with you. It's batshit. Can't leave the dog for an hour? That's an owner-made problem. No need to live like that unless you've a dog with major health issues or inherited a dog with major separation anxiety/behaviour problems.

A well reared, adjusted, healthy dog can be left for more than an hour fgs! But if you want to live your life as a martyr that's up to you!

My DM does. She used to be a sensible sane woman but now a few years living alone, she's going batshit and she's not senile yet. The dog is the absolute priority now it can snarl and snap at her teenage DC but gets a cuddle for it's efforts 😅 she says she can't go anywhere or leave it with anyone that it doesn't like which apparently is nearly everyone! Not many people visit her because her dog is a spoiled little shit. She wonders why people don't visit. It's tedious.

Thistlewoman · 28/12/2023 12:07

Why would you hate all dogs? That sounds very unusual and rather closed-minded tbh. And to say that dogs are 'taking over' the country? I think you DO sound angry and very dismisdive of the feelings of people who love their companion/working animals.

Thistlewoman · 28/12/2023 12:00

Thats just YOUR opinion. Just because someone gas a different view from you doesn't make them 'bizarre'. So many posters on here seem to think that their world view is the only correct world view. Its not. If you read my post you'll see I suggest respect and compromise are the best ways forward, not insulting people by calling them bizarre and insisting that they have their priorities wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 09:39

You sound very irrationally angry towards dogs. Weird.

Not angry at all. I just hate them.

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/12/2023 09:37

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 08:56

Trouble is in this country, dogs are bloody well in charge. It's ridiculous.

Bring back the days when they were further down the social scale, where they bloody belong.

You sound very irrationally angry towards dogs. Weird.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 09:20

Crazycrazylady · 28/12/2023 09:11

And to think cat people have the batshit reputation 😲😲😲

They are.

My mum and dad got an Xmas card from the neighbours two cats!!

Two adults, allegedly of sound mind, writing their neighbours cards from their cats, Bloody batshit!

Crazycrazylady · 28/12/2023 09:11

And to think cat people have the batshit reputation 😲😲😲

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 08:56

Trouble is in this country, dogs are bloody well in charge. It's ridiculous.

Bring back the days when they were further down the social scale, where they bloody belong.

Cheesestring67 · 28/12/2023 08:41

Dogs are NOT LIKE CHILDREN!! I hear this all the time and shudder. "Fur babies" 🤢 calling each other mummy an daddy, getting bloody Xmas cards off the dog...world has gone mad!!!!

Restlessinthenorth · 28/12/2023 08:28

ActDottie · 27/12/2023 21:49

You say she doesn’t welcome people into her house so why did you go round there knowing you’re not welcome?

Some people prefer dogs to humans and that’s fine. Your mum’s routine etc seems very rigid but it’s her choice. Yes it’s frustrating for you but it just sounds like she’s very very dedicated to her dogs. I don’t think you’re going to change her.

It's really not fine to prefer your pet dog to your grandchildren. That is bonkers.

OP your mums behaviour is awful. An adult who prioritises the needs of a pet over their grandchild has a very distorted view of the world. It's sad for you and your children but one day, it will be much sadder for her. Shes choosing not to prioritise a safe relationship with her family. You've tried, so let her live with that. You all deserve better

LyricalGangsta · 28/12/2023 08:20

My mother has a dog that stinks, is poorly behaved as it's spoiled, and has also nipped one of my children's face when she tried to sit down.
My mother panders to the dog and was very upset when she was told she would no longer be allowed to bring it to my house - it goes everywhere with her - even if that means sitting in the car outside a supermarket. She can't see how this isn't fair on the dog because she's obsessed with the dog.
As a result, I am low contact. None of my children want to see mother now because of the dog and she seems to think there is some other reason behind it as why on earth would being bitten by an unpredictable (medium size) dog be off putting..? 😑
Bonkers.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 28/12/2023 08:20

I despise dogs in every way so if my mother made it very clear that some animals were more important than her grandchildren our relationship would be very much reduced. Some people are wierdly obsessed with their pets, there's no talking to them that will resolve that.

LyricalGangsta · 28/12/2023 08:15

@Starblind19 👏 100%

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 28/12/2023 08:07

I'm afraid she has gone over to the dark side and you probably won't get her back.

TorroFerney · 28/12/2023 07:38

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 21:11

@Riverlee My reaction was because she shouted at me very aggressively because I tried to prevent her beloved dog hurting my one year old.

shes not embarrassed by them, she just doesn’t like upsetting them. They are scared of people because they have never been allowed to be around anyone. But thanks for your reply!

I am a dog owner my self of a much loved beagle and I understand dogs can’t be left for long on their own. But to miss out on everything if it’s longer than an hour is a little too much.

Edited

Mines the same, if you ask her to stop it jumping up she’s terribly affronted and acts like you are attacking her as she’s done “everything she can to stop it , it just can’t be trained”. Bollocks. I’ve probably asked about three times for her to stop it jumping up and scratching my legs, last time I did she told me to not come round again if I didn’t like it and told me it’s only me it jumps up at. When my dad was dying she left him to go back home (he was in a care home) as she had to get back to the dog.

pickledandpuzzled · 28/12/2023 07:30

I’ve said unreasonable because I don’t agree with how you handled it. Your mother is unreasonable but you can’t manhandle someone else’s dog you can only manage your own behaviour.

She is responsible for her dogs and it limits her availability. She should organise her home and life to be more accessible to her GC, but she hasn’t.

You are responsible for your toddler, and should keep him close rather than running around in your mum’s house with an unsociable untrained dog. You can ask her to put her dog away. You can keep your child on your lap. You can’t ’put her dog out’ - you don’t know the dog the way she does, she may be following behaviourists advice, you don’t get to interfere.

If you stop visiting she will see the restrictions more clearly and may make some changes.

Thewokewokingwarrior · 28/12/2023 07:27

Your mum sounds heartless towards her own grandchildren, very messed up

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