Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a bath when DH gets home

105 replies

Tralafala · 27/12/2023 18:06

We have three kids. I'm a sahm. Kids are all under four years old and don't go to nursery (oldest goes to school nursery in the mornings for two hours). Life is hectic. By the time DH gets home I'm frazzled. I do all the night wakes as baby is breastfed and toddler is just out of nappies at night so wakes a lot to go for a wee and DH doesn't hear. DH works hard, is contracted 8-4.30 in a stressful job, and most days stays until about 5.30pm getting home around 5.45pm.

Aibu to go for a 45 min bath when he gets home? He feels that his day has been stressful and that is more than half of the time left until bedtime so not an even split. I feel that he should stop taking on more work and prioritise energy for the family so if he chooses to stay later then a) it makes my day longer and b) I have earned a relax.

This is about the only thing we disagree on. Help us navigate!

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 27/12/2023 18:14

I don’t think you are BU and his work might be stressful, but it’s in a different way.

When our youngest was a baby DH used to get home from work at 6 and I would go straight to be until midnight which is when he went to bed. It was just what we had to get through at that time.

Tinseltomato · 27/12/2023 18:12

I think it's about having even leisure and work time. If you count all the hours you do in the day and for the night wakings you are doing more so it feels a bit much for him to begrudge your bath.

Also I don't know why you say they don't go to nursery then go on to describe the nursery they go to. You still have a lot on your hands. But saying you have no childcare when you do will probably irritate some people.

How old are the kids could you utilise more free places?

Thementalloadisreal · 27/12/2023 18:11

His work day might have been stressful but he shouldn’t let that impact his time with his kids. It’s only 45 minutes and you’ve spent the whole day with them! I imagine they’d have tea by then so it’s just a case of playing together while you have some time to recharge.

OurfriendsintheNE · 27/12/2023 18:09

Expecting him to spend 45 minutes a day in charge of his own children is not unreasonable.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 18:09

Ask him to write down exactly how much time he is investing into his relationships with his dc... He can juggle pen /paper and dc while you soak in the bath...