To have a bath when DH gets home

45 minutes in the bath when he’s just got in from work is taking the piss, IMO.

Definitely not being unreasonable! My husband always underestimates the luxury of having the autonomy throughout the day to choose when to pee and eat etc. Being a SAHM is bloody demanding. You’re a chef, climbing frame, nappy changer, the entertainment manager, referee, cleaner (to name but a few job roles) and the over stimulation is REAL.
A bath is definitely not out of the question. Although, my experience is they still find me in there and then it’s cut short. So fingers crossed if you can convince him, you actually get the time you need ❤️ If not, just go for a walk. I find the fresh helps to give me a reset before the nighttime fun begins. If nothing else, it gives him a little taste of what you have to deal with during the day 🥴

Of course YANBU. Enjoy your bath, he gets off easy!

He gets in, has a cuppa then spends quality time (45 mins) bonding and enjoying the kids while you bath. This seems fair to me as you’re 24/7 with the kids including multiple night wakes. He gets lunchtime breaks and to commute in peace.

I understand that being home with young children can be demanding, tedious and rewarding. I agree with others that timing your bath or shower should fit in with both of you. My biggest piece of advice is to get your baby in their cot to sleep, rather than swapping parents to hold the baby. Then the evening is child and baby free.

This! You husband is a knob if he thinks anyone gets to sit with their feet up with young kids. You should be a team and he's not pulling his weight, work or not. I'd wait for my husband to come home before jumping in the shower while he spent some time with HIS children. We would then tackle bedtime together

Absolutely this.

I had 4 under 3 at one point (twins in.the mix). It does get easier xx and my husband was very good at getting home and being hands on and letting me have a breather. It's hard.

I think it’s very unusual for any mother (I would say parent but we know how it is) to have 45 minutes to themselves everyday.

In our house this is what we would have called the happy hour just before bed. Although it’s not happy as everyone including the parents are tired and cranky. Surely it’s better to do the dinner time and bed routing together and go for a bath after in the understanding that he needs to listen out and attend to the children?

You do realise the OP is the one asking to ‘sit with their feet up’ and the husband the one opposing her doing so.

To be clear in no way do I think the OP is not pulling her weight (she comes across as a reasonable person) and it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for the bath time as long as it’s an ask rather than a demand. He’s also reasonable to oppose it being a scheduled (rather than agreed ad hoc) thing.

This! You husband is a knob if he thinks anyone gets to sit with their feet up with young kids. You should be a team and he's not pulling his weight, work or not. I'd wait for my husband to come home before jumping in the shower while he spent some time with HIS children. We would then tackle bedtime together.

Its 45 minutes not 6 hour

I think a sole/main breadwinner does have to prioritize their sleep more. A SAHP does have the option of just writing off a bad day or being a bit lazy sometimes (have a day where you put the TV on more than usual etc.) after a terrible night. If you are working in paid employment, you can lose your job if you are constantly making mistakes at work, and that's a big deal with there are three kids and two adults depending on a single income.

You shouldn't have to explain...you want a bath and possibly to do your hair.. he can have the child for a bit jeez.

I work and at the moment hubby is a SAHD, the days I work I finish, come home and help with dinner if it’s not ready, do any bits of cleaning that need doing (hubby does cleaning all day) we have 5 children between us so the house literally does take all day to get on top of!

we’ll both help with bathtime and bedtime, hubby then goes and has some time to himself on his PlayStation & I’ll have a bath once there asleep.

this is our compromise, hubby knows he can’t go on his PlayStation until the kids stuff and house stuff is done, I know I can’t go for a bath until it’s all done aswell.

once there all settled that’s when we have some of our own time..

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for wanting your own time! You deserve it! Just move the time it happens that’s all, I think having it as soon as your DH walks through the door from being in work all day is unfair, you should both be doing the evening stuff together.

OP also wants to decompress after a whole day looking after kids without a single second's break or alone time.

Go for a bath OP, and lock the door!

At work the time is 100% not yours
I think that can depend in the role, but you are always entitled to breaks, wether they are chosen to be taken is another thing, and you can always go the loo in peace.

but on the child care it is a mix depending on how the kids are behaving. You can squeeze in some TV and a look at your phone, meet a friend for lunch (you may choose not to as it’s trickier with three kids to take along) etc whilst doing the kid so let’s not make out it’s without a break, it’s just more like little breaks and without a 100% switch off break

I think the point is, there are 3 kids, who all have needs to be met at different times, I can't see this being a sitting around watching Tv sort of a role. But to have a relationship where you would have to justify this after not having a night of sleeping through, is not what I call a healthy relationship. As I say my DH didn't see our DS from 07.30 to 17.30 ish, then it was nearly bedtime when he got home, he wanted to see his child, it wasn't a chore to put in the "labour division list" some couples seem to need. And yes it can be an absolute joy being at home with your child, but it can also be stressful and relentless.

With work you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you go in looking dreadful and underperforming from lack of sleep so it may actually be beneficial for the SAHM to do all the nights but with a degree of flexibility and support when needed

Absolutely,I agree that can make perfect sense, but not if the father gets to sleep through while mum is getting up with 3 kids, then have the audacity to moan about a 45 min bath. No way.

At work the time is 100% not yours but on the child care it is a mix depending on how the kids are behaving. You can squeeze in some TV and a look at your phone, meet a friend for lunch (you may choose not to as it’s trickier with three kids to take along) etc whilst doing the kids so let’s not make out it’s without a break, it’s just more like little breaks and without a 100% switch off break.

With work you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you go in looking dreadful and underperforming from lack of sleep so it may actually be beneficial for the SAHM to do all the nights but with a degree of flexibility and support when needed.

So he thinks his day is harder than yours but begrudges you a 45 minute break while he does the 'easier' job of looking after the kids. Hmmmm

I'd agree a look at work time is needed and yours includes night feeds and toilet trips.

I work 12 hours a week. Dh does 37 plus a 60 min commute. Monday-Fri I deal with DS (who is at school) and do housework. (Work fits around school) Evenings we do bed time together. Weekends we are 50/50 and both get a layin and op's for a break.

He feels that his day has been stressful

Yes, of course he does. After all he’s been working.

Tell him to jog on. All you want is fecking bath

I find it astonishing that he would begrudge you a 45 min break to yourself after he is in from work. It's not about the pathetic one up manship of who's role is more stressful, i would look at why he finds his job so stressful it hinders him from parenting, you OP are parenting all day, that's your role, without a break, all day. My DH used to finish work, get changed, nip the loo and take our DS off me. He had not seen his son from 07.30 until 17.30/18.00 ish so he didn't have long with him before bedtime.
You OP then get up to all the wake ups through the night. As many like to say on here, if you talk about a division of parenting labour after your working hours, this is not even at all.
Say for instance both your roles finish when he walks in the door and you are both responsible for parenting if you do it all together until bedtime, and then you are the only one getting up through the night, he is not pulling his weight. Have your bath.

Take 15m when he comes in. To lay on bed. Read. Chill

Then both do tea bath bed for older 2

Then fed baby and dh can settle while you have a bath

No it's not.