... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

If she is not serious saving for a house deposit or further study, then I think a proportionate contribution is very reasonable. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with parents changing their children rent, but if there are four of you in the house (if I’ve read that right) then 1/4 of bills and food sounds about right. For her sake, a supportive conversation about money and debt sounds helpful too - she can’t run up debt on holidays, etc, it’s just daft.

@Allthingsdecember

It seems a bit off to support one child financially through university whilst charging the other one because she chose to get a job (or did she get the same help at 18 and is now doing further study?).

A 24 year old with a full time job and a disabled 18 year old are not comparable.

Well, that's super-helpful to the OP. I'm sure she's grateful.🙄

You know there's a word to describe adults who don't pay their way. I don't know how anyone can say that with a straight face.

@Libertyy

I don't understand. In one post you say you pay nothing and that your father provides. Then you say you split rent with a friend and pay gas/electricity etc?

25% of her take home pay would be a bargain. As an adult she can always move out into the real world if she doesn’t like it.

Now ds is paid monthly I will ask for monthly £300. Instead of every 4 weeks! He was getting paid weekly but is now permanent.

When ds1 was that age and earned a similar amount he paid me £250 p/m, I think. That included all the bills (including streaming services, council tax etc) and food, which considering he eats multiple chicken breasts a day, isn't cheap.

He moved out for 18 months or so, discovered that it cost 4 times that just for the rent of a studio flat in our area, and asked if he could move back in 😂

He still lives here at the age of 27, pays £400 p/m and is aware of what a bargain it is.

I don't think it's healthy for parents to carry on funding their adult children's lifestyles entirely- the fact that your daughter has had two quite expensive holidays this year and is in debt, despite paying nothing towards regular household expenses, indicates that she has no money management skills whatsoever.

You should be charging her a minimum of £200 p/m, imo- not just for the contribution to her living expenses but to teach her that fun things sometimes just have to wait.

My goodness. She’s working . Charge her rent money . You are not in a position to support her living for free. If she doesn’t line it she can move out and pay rent and bills to a landlord .

I never understand why adult children think they can live off their parents. Madness .

It doesn't matter what any of us would do OP because we're all in different situations. Some are minted and wipe their kids arses so they can get in housing ladders, some take it and save for same thing, some just take a peppercorn amount. Gives kids a shock when they're in the world on their own paying out for the first time when they dont pay their way.

Ask her for 100 quid a week because you can't afford to sub her anymore. Or she's welcome to get her own place. Stop pussyfooting around it

On her salary £400 per month is not unreasonable. Here a room in a house share is £600, without food. You are in fact still keeping her, at her age it's very unfair.

You're an adult earning a reasonable wage? Why do you feel you should wait until an emergency before you contribute to the roof over your head and the food on your table?

18 yr ds pays me £300 every 4 weeks
Not every calendar month. Covers his food and electricity plus extra council tax now I no longer get the 25 per cent discount.

He earns c 22k and still manages to save well. He will be covering driving lessons and a car next year too. Once he starts paying car insurance though I will lower his contribution to £250. As car insurance for young drivers is exorbitant.

What is 25% of the household costs? That's what she should be paying. You can adjust down if it's viable.

Tell her you've given her a free ride so far but you can't afford the bills. If she isn't willing to start paying her way you need to look at getting a lodger in so she needs to find somewhere else to live.

At that age I was earning 15k and paying a third of the household outgoings.

My brother and his fiancee plus son live with our parents. Earn about £140k between them. Parents do all before and after school childcare for their son.
They're in their late 30s. They contribute nothing.

Parents don't mind because they're saving to buy a house.

My other siblings and I feel annoyed by it, even though technically it has nothing to do with any of us.

Son paid £300 per month when he was here for a year working to save up for his Masters (age 22). Much cheaper than a room anywhere else, and with all bills, food etc thrown in.

That meant we both benefited from the arrangment, although the only benefit for me was that it wasn't costing me money to have him live here.

I believe that fully paying for adult children infantilises them anyway, and that can't be good for anyone. but 'adulthood' for me doesn't begin until they finish full time education.

It's certainly not on to have a freeloader in the house when everyone else is struggling.

My niece is on £25k and gives her DM £500 a month. She also saves £500 a month towards a deposit on her first home.

However, she doesn't know that the £500 a month she gives her DM is also going into saving for a deposit, along with the £500 her BF pays to live there too.

We don't charge our adult kids anything because we want them to be able to save up for the future. They are both very sensible with money and run their cars. We can afford to support them.

My dd pays £400 per month

I think £400 to £500 per month is reasonable really.
You may want to consider putting some of this money aside in a separate account for her for when she leaves home.

Please tell me she at the very least pays for her own phone, car, car costs?

She has debts but she's managed two (expensive) holidays this year?! Sorry, that is insane. Even if she didn't have debts, she shouldn't be going on two expensive holidays a year if she's not even paying rent/her keep.

She's taking you for a mug.

Even if you didn't need the money she should be contributing. She is an adult and quite frankly I'm shocked she has never offered!

At 24, I was earning £1.8K a month. I gave my parents £500 as I lived at home. It covered all my food and my contribution to the bills.

£200 per month (on fairly low wages) which covers their share of bills but not food which they shop and pay for themselves. They also save something and still have enough fun money left.

Er I think you've misunderstood me.
What did you think 'OP doesn't have to use all of it if she doesn't need it.' meant? Where did I say anything about kicking her out and forcing her to rent?

If OP doesn't need the money then she should put it aside for her daughter. That is what the above sentence meant as your reading comprehension skills don't seem great. My point is the daughter needs to know how expensive life is. And learn not to fritter her money away on unnecessary things. Debts (presumably not for studying?) and expensive holidays?

That is why OP should charge her a reasonable amount of 'rent' so she learns. If daughter think that is U she can move out. but that's not the OP forcing her. That's her own choice.

I was paying £120 12 years ago when in part time work at 18!