... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

I have one son left at home, he earns £32000. He pays £300 a month but buys his own toiletries plus most of hs food. When energy prices increased he offered to pay more but I haven't needed it so far. But he has saved a 10% deposit for a flat and is now saving for furniture etc.
I am thinking of decreasing his payments so that he can save more also so that I can get used to doing without his contribution.

Your daughter could absolutely pay more..

Partner and I (but in our early 30s) make €30,000 each. So a little less than what your daughter makes when you convert.

We pay €850 per month, between us, to my parents and do our own food shop. We would be paying at least double that to rent a one bed apartment and then would have bills on top of that.

Here, we both give €100 per week, each. And then pay for the wifi (€50 per month). It's really not a lot. About a 5th of our weekly pay.. we save a shit tonne and go on a few holidays and weekends away throughout the year.

She is taking the piss not paying you anything and even worse to have nothing left each month.

Same for me. I had three years of that before I left home and found out how little that one-third really covered!

Your parents were awful. I hope you don't see that as usual. My mother financially abused me as well. A lower scale but she took 2/3 of my £29.50 YTS money

1st wage in 1981 was £35 per week. £15 to parents , £7.50 weekly bus pass and the rest to me. Had to get everything out of this- clothes, toiletries, period products, socialising etc

The different rules are because the children are in different circumstances though. Only one of them is earning a full time wage. It's entirely fair to have different rules in that scenario.

I 100% have different rules for different children. They have different circumstances.
Fulltime education they pay nothing. I don't want them or need them to work. Fully funded in term time by us. Summer work is then spend some save some.
But If one of them works fulltime and lives at home then yes a contribution was arranged. Only had it with dd about a year to be fair and she paid 350 a month out of 2k.
She also propped her sisters up with pocket money Starbucks coffee and lifts here and there.
A full time worker needs to pay her way regardless. We didn't need her contribution but that's not the point.

Surely you realise that not everyone can afford to subsidise working adults.

At least £100/week. Have you considered asking her for more than you want/need, and starting secret saving for her?

Your budget is strained and your adult dd is spending nearly £2k a month and has taken two holidays this year?

I would take at least £800 a month from her, deduct a fair amount for bills and food and put the rest in a savings account for her.

her financial situation is ridiculous

DS pays £150 going up to £200 a month in January. We don’t really need the money, but on the other hand he earns more than I do. He still managed to save AND really it’s more a reflection of what it cost to house him.

bloody hell! I was earning about £650 back in 80's and I had to cough up £400 a month to my parents

DS pays £350 and pays 1/2 the food shop as there are only 2 of us

@izimbra can son who is at uni work through the holidays and contribute? They have long hols.

21 year old, earns 28k, pays £250 a month.

Plus puts about £15 a week in the car if i’m picking him up from work (had his motorcycle nicked).

Do you have three adult children?

one at uni - who you are supporting financially
one who you are a carer for
one who works and does an OU degree

That is a lot of people to support on one full and one part time wage.

But I can see it’s very hard to have different rules for different children without your daughter feeling hard done by. I think I would have a conversation with her setting out the finances and make an agreement with her about how she will contribute, but also get out of debt.

Does she buy/cook her own food? Chip in with housework? Do her own laundry?

I dud all of that when I moved back home aged 24, and paid £200 pcm. 20 yrs ago.

When I lived at home my mum made made me give a 3rd of my wage to her, a 3rd was for me and a 3rd was to save.

I wouldn’t charge her rent but I’d work out how much the utility and food bills and divide it by the number of people and then charge her for just what she is using.

If she moved out would you be considerately better off?

As tbh it sounds like you would struggle financially even if she wasn’t there and so I think a longer term plan needs to be put in place.

This. By charging her, you're teaching her that adult life has costs. She's been traveling, eating out and not saving to move out. Meanwhile you're scraping to get by.

I'd charge 1/4 of the bills, 20% of her take-home, or 4-500/month. A substantial amount means she'll be looking to move out sooner rather than enjoying a free ride for the next 5 years.

I paid £200 a month when I was 17 and working a part-time job. Moved out when I was 24

We have one adult dd at home. She pays 1/3rd of all household bills: gas, electricity, broadband and food. Comes to approx £250 per month, but she is earning less than your dd.

OK, I'd charge £500. And I'd get her to save £500 towards deposit.

She's taking you for fools. And.if she doesn't like it, she can move out.

My 24 year old bought a house, with money he'd be saving whilst at uni etc. He, and his brother, left home at 18 to go to uni. They paid their way through uni, and if they wanted to live at home after, I would have charged them.25% minimum.

I don't understand why you would let a working adult live for free whilst you struggle, or why the working adult hasn't started paying you, even without being asked? Does she have no financial awareness?

She's not saving though, she's blowing the lot. It's not doing adult kids any favours by giving them a free ride so they don't learn to budget for life in the real world.

@izimbra it's definitely sensible and not unreasonable to charge her rent, especially as it sounds like she needs to learn a little bit about budgeting order (in short: needs before wants). She should be paying her way to you, her bills (eg mobile, travel to work), clearing her debts, and saving, before she has more holidays etc!

How much she pays depends on how much it costs to keep her, but at least £250 would be a reasonable start point!