... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

My son pays €300 per month. That's about 1/5 of his take home pay.
I think it should be more TBH.

No, I wouldn't charge her.

But why can't she do washing at her house? I wouldn't grudge her free use of my washing machine, etc. and I might offer to do it for her on occasion, but I wouldn't be letting her expect it of me.

Should I charge my 20 year old daughter board when she lives at her boyfriends flat and pays bills there but still has things in her room at my house and sometimes brings washing for me to do?

I think a 24 year old living at home and pulling in a £28k salary whilst studying with the OU is rather rare. If fully grown adults in full time employment decide to study in top of that then it's their look out,'otherwise when does it stop?

Whatever you decide, think about carrying that on with your youngest when the time comes. Needs to be fair that they are treated the same when in the same circumstances. I was charged rent (rightly so) but younger sibling had a very different experience.

My DS 23 earns £30k and gives us £200. We think he should make a contribution while saving up for a house deposit.

Growing up it was just expected that when I started working, I would have to pay digs.

in 2003 when I earned around £14k I paid £200 per month

My son earns 28k at 21 and only has himself to worry about.

My husband earns 40k and supports 5 of us.

So of course my son pays some rent. We are feeding and paying bills for 3 adults now (and 2 children). So he has to contribute towards that now that he’s earning good money.

I’ll never understand charging your kids rent.

Im glad I have brought up two adults that aren't CF who think its ok to live for free & not contribute something.

I'm glad my parents didn't think like you.
I was running a car at 20. An old banger runaround but i worked 2 jobs while at uni to keep it on the road.
When we bought a house we were savvy enough to look at the difference in monthly payments between a 20 and 25 year mortgage and at the time it wasn't too bad so I was mortgage free in my early 40s.
I no longer have either of my parents but they instilled the value of money in me and i wouldn't ever have imagined living under their roof and going on expensive holidays, or any holidays for that matter while not paying my way. I would have been embarrassed

Despite your commitment to a life time of parenting, you seem to have missed what the point of parenting is - which is, to prepare your offspring to be functional adults in the wider world. I think you'll find that the wider world expects them to pay their way. You are failing them if you facilitate financial literacy in your offspring -they need to learn how to handle money. Or is it your intention to have them dependant on you forever?

@CommonOrNot

so you would live off beans and toast, stop buying makeup or whatever you like , stop socialising with pals etc to save money so that your ADULT daughter doesn’t have to contribute anything to the house in which she lives?!

you sound like a martyr

This. You're not teaching her how to live in the real world.

Has your daughter previously been to uni that you funded? Because if not, I think you are being very harsh on her. She is studying full time just like her brother, only she isn't costing you a small fortune by living out.

I think if she is working a full time job her study is likely to be part time.

At 24 and on £28,000 she earns more than me and I have a whole household to run. You say there are 4 people living in the home so I’d be charging a quarter of the running costs, if they don’t like it they can always go get their own place which I’m sure would cost a lot more.

Exactly what I thought.

You'd expect your adult children to live like children, then, not taking any financial responsibility for themselves and seeing their wages as pocket money?

Do you think that's going to make them a good partner for someone? A responsible citizen?

Well I chose to have them and committed to a life time of parenting. So yes, I’d deal with my own circumstances rather than infringe on theirs.

My parents charged me 100/week when I was on 26k. Although I've never met anyone else ever who has been charged so much. They did it to teach me the value of money.

I’d expect them to pay towards what they are costing me, so bills, food, run their own vehicles, phones & such. But my actual accommodation costs-mortgage or rent- no. Presumably I’d be paying that whether they lived with me or not

You cannot compare an OU degree (extremely flexible and designed for people working full-time) to a full-time Master's - especially a STEM subject at an RG it will be full on.

I've done both!

Also Master's students don't get that much holiday. The first year's usually spent on placement/internship (where they'll earn) and the second writing their dissertation!

All the in no don't charge, your DD is taking the piss, Caribbean and Norway for holidays, afforded because she's living rent free whilst her parents support her.
Time for a frank conversation about her putting her hand in her pocket, she sounds incredibly entitled and selfish.

I would see how much it costs to run the house (mortgage not included) and divide by adults living there, and she can contribute that.

It sounds like your DD is financially illiterate. You need to teach her. Give her a book to read like 'Dave Ramsey-Total Money Makeover' or tell her to watch 'the humble penny channel' on YouTube. Or watch Martin Lewis Money Saving expert website or videos.

Then put conditions on her staying, eg

1. She contributes, split the utilities and groceries into equal shares minimum.
2. She pays off her debt like it's an emergency
3. Once this has occurred, she saves for a deposit like it's her next emergency

Don't take her word for it either, see the paperwork to ensure she is keeping her word.

If she won't show you or you don't trust her to stick to the plan, then charge her a nominal rent on top of utilities and groceries. Save this nominal rent for her, and when she wants to move out, give it back to her, for her deposit.

If she doesn't comply with the above terms, she is welcome to move out.

But be wary, even if your DS who is at Uni does have autism, and doesn't need the pressure of a job, be sure to enforce the same rules, if he comes back to live at home and works full time.

I don't think your DS should have gone to Uni full time, unless he was comfortable with the student debt, or you were in a comfortable financial position to support him. If not, he could have studied part time and worked part time, or explored other options like apprenticeships. Different treatment towards DD and DS will cause friction.

@izimbra everyone's financial situations are different and so you will get all sorts of comments here and some will make you feel like you shouldn't charge at all, ignoring completely your financial situation. £200 - £250 seems fair and it will teach your daughter the value of money, whilst not crippling her, and it will help you. I'm sure you do a lot to make her life comfortable. My son gives me that and earns way less because he knows that heating, laundry, ironing and food all cost.